Me

I’ve been reading all of the blogs I follow and the tags I post to.

It got me to thinking about what the whole allure of bdsm means to me, why it is so necessary.

Let’s try and dissect…..

The kink- sex is easy
Especially for a girl/woman
Even when my self esteem was super low, I knew if I wanted sex it was easy enough to get an interested partner.
But when the time is taken to really set a scene, plan out and visualize every little detail, the anticipation alone could result in a bone shattering orgasm. And when you have a partner that puts in an equal amount of effort and work into it…….everything just works.
There was a time not long ago that I was ……cold . Dead, no sex drive, no desire to be touched, bone dry to the point of physical pain.
It wasn’t until I decided to start watching porn again and started thinking of my youth that the daily obsessive self inflicted orgasms started. This was just prior to the x-m.
I was amazed that it was that simple the need for just some visual kink to make my body start working.

The pain-I now know that my body will react to pain in the same way as pleasure. A sweet touch and a hard crack of a whip will make me equally aroused. That was a hard thing for my brain to come to terms with. I cum from pain alone. I know there’s more to it….it’s also the praise after. I know I’ll be taken care of and that my need and love of pain is appreciated and approved of, never shamed. It make so many things so much easier.

The bondage-my brain and body sees it as a warm hug, it produces an immediate slave space. A physical act that triggers both a physical and mental change. Not to mention a great nights sleep!

The mental D/s relationship- this is the best part for me. I’ve had a crappy one and it’s like anything else, there’s good and bad relationships. When you find a good one it feeds you from the inside out. It builds you up, you stand taller, talk braver, do things you could never do with out the support of a strong dominate. I am in my career and vanilla relationships in charge, confident, never letting anyone no the doubts I carry with me. In my relationship with sir I tell him everything, he is my air. He has taken the time and put in the effort to make me trust him in all things. That is what you never get from vanilla. You never get that spiritual connection. You never get that trust to give everything you are to another person. He knows me and is respectful, cares for me, most times more than I could ever care for myself. That is what I know has been missing in my prior relationships, not the pain, the kink, the orgasms but ……. The communication and trust.
That is something most people will never understand. It’s a beautiful thing.

I am his slave.
I am his pain slut.
I am his cum slut.
He makes me happy.
I am cared for and respected.
He is my sir.
I will do anything he tells me because I trust him above anyone else.
I am his, owned completely.

Enough dissection for today.