Well this is not a list of firsts but a conversation I had with sir last night.

We were sitting at the table, all warm and cozy and we had just gotten back from our walk.

His first bdsm relationship was when he was 19, she was 29 and from France. She lived with an older dominate man before moving to the states.

He said that they went to a frat party one night and she was fickle,bratty. When they left she asked him to spank her, it would make her feel better. She knew she was not being nice but couldn’t reason why. Sir did that, put her over her knee and spanked her, that’s when he realized it made his cock hard.

It meant so much that he shared that story with me. I don’t think I ever told him the whole first story of mine, since I’m better with words I guess I’ll write it.

I was 16. My best friend was a guy, call him j. He loved me, I had a really bad habit of fucking my friends (male and female). So one night, just out of a crappy break up I decide to sleep with him, but he was such a puppy dog following at my heels j asked him if I could do whatever I wanted. He said of course. So I got out some rope and stockings, put in some sexy music and gave him a lap dance, during the dance I tied him up, hands, ankles, lastly as I dropped my panties I tied the stocking around his eyes. I gave him the best blowjob he ever had with my hands wrapped around him throat. Never letting him finish in my mouth making him cum all over himself.

So yup my first experience I was the dominate one. Problem was I didn’t know about aftercare, only the kink. We continued like that for a almost 2 years on and off. Never what i saw as a relationship, just sex, he saw it differently. I always told him we were nothing more than friends with benefits but as a submissive man he developed feelings, I didn’t.
I kept it going because I enjoyed it, not needed it as I do now.
I started to see someone else and didn’t take the time to end it with him gently. That was 2 days before graduation he found out I was seeing someone and we wouldn’t play anymore. He disappeared, we searched for him up until an hour before graduation. He showed for the ceremony. He was camped out in the woods, tried to kill himself but couldn’t, he was worried about the guilt it would leave me with.

So in short, I’m a horrible dominate!
But with the x-m even though we did not have any physical interactions until I was 20, when we were together I was his complete emotional sub from the time I was 14.
I didn’t realize it then. I knew I needed some kind of bdsm to keep my interest, I just choose the wrong side the first time.
After 20 years I’m finally discovering the real me, no guilt, just joy in my complete submission to sir.

I am his happy slave.

**something I just remembered I had given j a leather journal, he wrote all of my likes, commands and documented our every encounter. Lol guess if it wasn’t the early 90’s he would have been a blogger too!!

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