January 25

Happy anniversary Sir,

With each passing day I am more yours, both body and soul. My cunt drips wetter, my nipple ache harder for you hands and my slave hole is waiting, throbbing for your cock.

I can no longer imagine my life without your support. As much as I try to bring back that girl if 2 months ago…… She is gone. Her worries no longer exist, her needs not even comparable to the cum and pain slut I am now.

Thank you;

For helping me everyday

For giving me good pain to help with the bad

For making me embrace all of my feelings with out guilt

For keeping the lines of communication open

For never making me feel like a burden

For pushing me just enough that I don’t shut down and retreat

For letting me be your good girl

For holding me tight on your lap when I am so used and happy

For taking the time to allow the trust to build and being so tender and caring as I open up to you

For such sweet moments of good conversation at the table

For the all night cuddles in bed

For letting me fall asleep on your lap as we watch Netflix

For being the very best sir I could ever dream of

Today my plans have been adjusted, but I will meet up with Aruba girl and I hope to call you begging for you to let me cum with her mouth on my cunt.

I have a small surprise in mind for tonight and I am doing everything in my power to make it possible. I do know how much you like surprises!!

-Your wet and always ready slave

Thought on submission (and dominance).

On A Magic Carpet Ride

As always on a Saturday, I am sitting down to write, except for the difference that for once I am writing quite a lot earlier. The reason: Real Life. There is a planned social event tomorrow with my friends in the town that I live in. This means that I can not really afford to stay up into the wee late hours of the night to agonise about what I should write about and burn the midnight oil for this.

Especially as sleep this week has been hard to come by, with one night already spending in bed counting the ceiling tiles until the first meagre rays of sunlight pierced the veil of the night, to announce the dawning arrival of a new day.

In many cases thus, writing somewhat earlier is not an overly bad thing all in all considered. If I can get this done sooner rather then…

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Rewards

Sir like my letter, I made his cock hard so I was rewarded.

He was not alone but he said I could put the 2 luna balls in and do my chores.  It was very hard to keep them in the bottom one was heavy and wanted to come out. It made my cunt very tight.

He told me to get the dildo and plug ready. When he called he said to bend over, luna balls still in, put plug in hard and fast and walk. I wanted to cum my knees shaking, I was so wet. he said put the suction cup to the wall and gag my slave hole mouth with it, to fill all 3 of my holes. then he said to turn around. I cried and told him Sir i have no holes there, they are all full.  He laughed. I love when he laughs. So he said take the lunas out and put my ass cheeks against the wall so the whole 8 inches is in.  Fuck it hard, Picture finding a nice couple and having her with a strap on in my cunt and him with his cock in my slave hole mouth and sir fucking my slave hole hard, that I could have the DP I have been dreaming of. All of my holes full and cuming. my reward for being his good cum slut. He said cum picturing that. I lost count at some point, I was so upset I was screaming and the numbers stopped coming out of my mouth.  He said it was ok, but it might have been a new record.

He said come off the wall, but the dildo got stuck because my cunt muscles were to tight. it stayed in and he said I could cum again my fucking my slave hole with the plug.  I do not think I lost count but he has not told me the number yet. I fell on the floor in child’s pose. sir telling me what a good girl I am. I asked him “if I may ask may I make my clit cum?” He said yes with the binder clip.  I needed the pain. I was too wet and too spacey. I out it on and almost came. He stopped me and I floated, my brain all gone, just his voice,. Take it off and cum. I did and i laid in the puddle of my own cum happy and quite. Feeling like his very owned and used hard slave.

It took some time but I got up for water.

When I just went back into the bedroom it looked like a toy store exploded! lol, there was lube everywhere, a dildo in one corner, but blug in another binder clip in the middle, clamps, chains, rope etc all over as I must have been searching for that binder clip in the drawer and just tossed everything to find it quickly!

So time to clean it up again…..

Wet-a letter to Sir

I really want to cum Sir.

You are sitting in your chair at the table with a glass of wine.  I love to give you surprises, as you have traveled so far to see me. I say that I have a gift for you and go into the bedroom, I have only a long black shear gown on with my collar, cuffs and heels. I bring out a beautiful slim petite red head, naked, play collar cuffs and blind fold on, her hands are secured behind her back. she is visibly wet as I have had her waiting and kneeling for almost an hour for you.

I tell her to be a good girl and to kneel besides you as we kiss a proper hello. All of the toys spread out on the table for you to choose from. You grab my nipples firmly removing the gown and say that I have done a very good job, twist them and say, no, no cuming yet as I scream in good pain.  That is just a small taste of what I will receive.  You pick up the d ring and clasp my hands behind my back, place me on the opposite side from her and lift her up to standing.  You tell us to kiss bending across you. as we are the clover clamps go on. I moan and she softly screams.  we keep kissing as the cunt juice rolls down my legs. You see she is reacting well to pain and pull on the chains so that i moan louder and she gasps. You move the chair back, getting up and telling me to hold her, pressing our tits close.  You go in your bag and as I was hoping get the whip.  you remove the clovers from her and put them both on me, tell me to bend over and her to kneel again. She is moved to between my legs as I am spread wide leaning on the chair. You whisper to her……and then I hear the crack, then I feel a lick of my clit, still no permission to cum. You say every strike I can cum. the first strike I scream and her licks turn from one to many all at once. I explode in a rolling O, falling to the floor after only a few strikes. You pick  up and hold me telling me that you are so very proud of me.  I am on your lap and she waits.  I tell her to kneel under the table and look at you for permission, you nod. I tell her in my slave voice to take your cock out and to lick and suck it.  I say do it well and I will make sure she cums. i feed on your good moans. I kiss you and you cum in her mouth, then i pull her up by the collar and kiss her to get a taste of your cum. We move to the slave station. You know I long to see her used hard and her spread wide.  I tell her to put her titts down and ass up, I spread her cheeks for you as you push in hard and fast. I lover to hear her scream as I do and whimper in good pain. You do not cum but pull out of her and tell me you wish to see me make her cum instead. I take the dildo and force it hard and quick into her cunt hole, grabbing her hair telling her to cum only when Sir says she can. I move it in and out, getting wetter with each stroke… she shakes begs, pleads, offers to do anything to please us. You count down and at one she cums. A good, strong O, falls to the floor and I join her, wrapped in each others arms.  You say we are both such good girls and you are so happy but we are not used hard enough yet.

You know I like to have all of my holes full.  It completes me.

We go into the bedroom. A new strap-on is on the bed waiting.  I remove her d ring to free her arms and take off her blind fold.  Tell her to put it on and I get on top of her.  You watch me ride her and let me cum just enjoying looking at you slave in such a good happy state, obeying you.  Then you tell me to kiss her again, making my ass go up and open for you, I give you that good pain scream and now it’s my turn to beg, please sir let me cum for you. I ride her and you ride me harder. You grab my tits and twist and tell me to cum for you.  I cum and don’t stop until you cum.  You tell me I owe the girl a thank you. that you want me in my spot. I kneel besides the bed and you tell her to stand in front of me with her legs spread. You hand me the rabbit and tell me to lick her clit while fucking her with the rabbit.  As a reward she can cum as many times as she likes in 5 minutes. We are all spent, I am floating in slavespace with the taste of both cums in my mouth. You place me on the bed first, then her into my arms. you come up behind me and pet my hair.  I am your good girl.  I obey.

TGIF – Part 2

She’s gone……

I text sir, he writes back to:

Be a god slave, strip, put on slave leather, see how many times I can edge with suction cup dildo and clover clamps, he will call in 10 minutes.  I edge just reading it.  My body edges 10 times before the clamps even touch my nipples. I’m sitting here soaked just typing about it.

More edges with the clamps, 20 before I even let the dildo touch my cunt.  I am kneeling beside his chair, picturing him watching me, hearing his moans of happiness due to my obeying him. I then start. using my strong leg muscles up and down, as soon as I edge pull on the clamps, edge again rub my clit on the head of the didlo then right back into my cunt….reapeat over and over. At some point I am edging from all three spots, I look and I had put the clamp chain in my mouth pulling in a back bend hard, fingers on my clit up and down on the didlo. Counting, edging…..wanting to let go, but never going past the edge…..it seems like forever, then the phone rings.  I stop, collapse on the floor ass up.  Sir asks how many? I tell him. He says how proud he is and to crawl into the bedroom to get the plug ready. I am leaving a trail of my cunt juices behind me.

Get the plug ready and go to the chest at the bottom of my bed, dildo still in me, clamps still on, I’m still edging. Sit on it firmly, no hands just lower quickly, such good pain I scream. There was walking maybe before, maybe after. Then sir says I can cum as much as I want when he says start, but must stop when he says.  He had stopped me many times right before this.  See I know that I must stop, I never want to displease him.  Ass in the air, one hand on the plug, one on the base of the dildo, he says to fuck both holes hard….and I can start,but I must count out loud. I cum over and over, my world disappears, I only hear Sir and my own screams of release.  He says stop.  I do.

I float, all of the week disappears. Sir says to crawl into bed.  I am under the covers.  His voice gentle and soothing. I picture him reading and me pressed against him, soaked in my cunt juices, having the look of pure joy at being used hard. not an ounce of tension left in my body.  He says at some point that he knows I needed the whip tonight and yes I did.  It would have be an instant release as my need for pain is increasing every day.  Soft words lull me to sleep I hang up the phone happy in a blissful slave state.  Dreaming of a girl licking my clit, standing spread, cuffs attached to the ceiling in the bedroom as my Sir whips me and lets me cum with every strike.

10 minute edge count is 92, offical edge count for the night, unknown but well over 100

and Sir knowing that I never remember emailed me my orgasm count, 21 in 65 seconds, with the words “good girl”

Those are the best words ever….(smiles).

Well its time to mop the floors and clean the toys. Off to play in the snow and get some chores done.

It’s going to be a good Saturday!

TGIF

It was a short, but very mentally and physically hard week. Work was busy, Sir had left and there was something to do everynight.  I’m am introvert, a social one, but I need my down time to refuel.  The snow came at the perfect time.  Today I will rest and recharge for yet another very busy week.

Last night vanilla C came by for dinner.  All I every hear from her is how she’s on the edge of a breakdown.  I’m not totally unsympathetic but she has things to live for and I find her threats of suicide to be insanely selfish.  Her life is so very bad that she’s going to be spending the week in Puerto Rico.  LOL, when I was at my worst I got to figure my life out at my desk at work!  She has kids, parents and things to be grateful for.  She may have a husband that doesn’t feed her needs, but she also has a boyfriend on the side (with no guilt about that). Female A says it best “she’s just not a good person”.

Then she went on about how the toll is going up and how could I move (its only 15 minutes from where I am now by car). well let’s see, maybe because I spend about 3 hours a day commuting to an office I will be able to walk to? or maybe I will escape an island that is currently under the surveillance of my mother and x husband?  I have no life here, I sleep here and that’s it.  I want to be able to open my door and move freely again. It’s not like I’m moving to Alaska.

So I was sitting at the table just about to tell her enough and loose my cool, then Sir calls. I sometimes think he just knows when I need him to balance me.  We couldn’t talk freely with her there, but just hearing his voice calmed me enough to not go from being a lady and friend to her, to being worse of a person than she is.

Earlier in the day Sir said what a good girl I was all week and that I would be rewarded with beautiful O’s.  So I told her I was tired to cut the night short.

I woke up this morning to a message from her asking if “we are ok”.  I said of course and to have a great vacation.  I’m not one to add to people’s already stressed out life.

Are submissives more emotional?

Oh the emotions! 😉

Daddy's lil sub and her stories

Are submissives more emotional than vanilla girls?

Short answer, Yes!  But there are good reasons and it doesn’t last forever.

Ok, let’s think about this logically.  As a submissive you completely open up yourself up and bare your valuable soul on a daily basis.  You trust without question.  You serve without thought.  You share your deepest, darkest desires without worry of judgment.  When you are a new submissive all of this becomes VERY emotional.  You are finally living the life you have dreamed of.  You are, for the first time, revealing who you really are in this world not only to everyone else but you are also revealing it to yourself!  You are now taping into a part of your brain you have never used before.  You are now experiencing a VERY strong desire to have your sub needs meet.  Your needs, your desires, your submission, it all becomes a…

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Music- the beginning

I had not planned to write this today, but my phone and it’s choice of songs prompted it.

This song takes me back to the start of my realization that something in my life was missing.

In 2011 I had a horrible stressful job, I was going through the initial separation with my x husband, I lost so much weight my hair was falling out, I never slept and I had constant pains in my side(turns out it was hunger pains). I was slowly killing myself. I am very good at self harm and punishment.

I went into work and found the strangest email. It was from an iPad to my work address. It said:

——— is that you?

I use to know this girl, she was funny and always made me laugh. She was a good friend and I miss her and I hope she is doing well. We were like two ships who pass in the night and occasionally crash into each other and cause mass wreckage.

I didn’t recognize the name of the sender, but quickly forwarded it to a junk email address I used for… Well nothing.

Life went on and I forgot about it(three years to be exact).

My marriage ended. I left that job. I moved on (regrew my hair) started eating, going to the gym, but something was still missing.

I went home one night bored and upset and decided to do something type a to make the hamster stop running. I pulled up that old email address (under my maiden name) and decided to clear it out so that I could use it again. There were over 8,000 emails, page by page I went through them deleting and sorting until I came to this one. I figured I knew a few people in my youth with that first name so I decided to respond generically:

This is me, I was just going thru old email and found this.

This prompted 2 days of emails that were vanilla but always had a hint of flirting. He was married and I was not going there…..until he said something that cause me to challenge him. I told him to try his best to get me to scream coffee after work hours.
Side note: I love coffee, but I sleep horribly and limit my intake to one or two cups a day-he found the thought of that horrible.

That was the beginning of my first D/s relationship.

It made me stop and wonder. If you are raised experiencing times of abuse mixed with times of pure joy, do you purposely (maybe not on a conscience level) continue that cycle as an adult. Not the joy end, but by inviting the abuse in.

We had one conversation that sticks with me. I told him that he was responsible for bring me back to life. It was before things turned bad. It was a truthful statement at the time. His responded by saying that it was as though I flicked a light switch on in an empty room in his head, then moved in and had a party.

I later found out that my statement was a good thing as I found the missing piece(not him but the D/s dynamic) in my life. His was not, it lead to discontent, confusion and later what he referred to as the “bad” man coming out again. He blamed me for that.

I had also asked him why send that email as it had been a decade since he last broke my heart? He was sick, in the hospital thinking he would never make it out. He regretted the way he left things the last time we were together. Funny thing is in my mind this time ended much worse, but at least I was the one that stopped it. It hurt but I took the control back and made the decision to stop the cycle my life had always been in. I am done with allowing myself to be abused.

So that was the tale I never wrote in the beginning of my random thoughts blog…….
It is the turning point for what has brought me to the place of trust and joy with sir.