Sir is gone. the house is cold.
My music is playing too loud to drowned out the sad thoughts.
To make matters worse I took all the Christmas decorations down. The last of the homey feeling is removed. In just a few minutes I’ll clean. Hopefully I wont get to ocd about it.
I texted sir that it was weird because I really didn’t want to decorate at all this year. Christmas was never a big holiday for me since my grandparents moved and now especially since they are both gone. Sir gave me that love of the holidays back. I never thought I would feel that again. I look around and its barren, pretty but empty. The way I feel when sir leaves. I once told a friend that a messy house led to a messy mind. I know now that it is just a coping skill I’ve developed. Call it compulsive but everything has it’s place and is in its place but I’m empty right now.
Sir said I could sleep with the chains on tonight. He purposely did not use them or the rope so that I could know what it’s like to miss them and I do. Missing him is a million times worse. Tonight I’ll be laying down for the first time in a week alone. No cuddling, no happy moans. My naked body keeping no one warm including me.
I don’t think that I will find sleep an easy thing tonight with out my Sir.