Mushy the Slave

mushy:

adjective \ˈmə-shē, especially 2 also ˈmu̇-\

: soft and wet

: too romantic or sentimental

I woke up to a message from Sir saying this is now my pet name 🙂

When I referred to myself these past few days as mushy, I didn’t realize how incredibly accurate I was being.  I am the exact definition.  Last night was fun, drinks and painting. Sir telling me to strip and wait by his chair with my clovers on. I dripped waiting for him.He offered quick O’s or after my errands today a nice long play time.  I choose, Being the cum slut I am (even though I have been dripping from my cunt for days) to wait.

A new toy had come in the mail. A hitachi accessory that is made for triple stimulation. Sir said to go get it and to try it. It was heaven. I was kneeling and feverishly fucking myself with it, clover still on. No cuming but sweet edge after edge.

Sir has a meeting in the city Monday and I have off. I can’t wait to see him! There will be a yacht party, it might not happen, but even just to be with him for a few hours will be enough to get me through the next week and a half.

Sir put me to bed with sweet words and I dreamt all night long of licking, sucking and fucking person after person all for Sirs pleasure as he watched his good whore. I remember most the look of pride on his face, that I was his good cum slut.  Then his arms around me safe on his lap….wet, so very wet. I was shaking from head to toe floating in the most perfect blissful state.

I told him last night after he had me ice my nipples and put the ice in my cunt hole, that the mushy feeling made me afraid. That I feared it was not a good thing. He asked if I tried to fuck anyone without him knowing? Was it making me do anything he didn’t know about and I said no Sir. He then told me that it is just a reaction to our three month mark. I just needed to know that this is a good thing in his eyes. I am so used to it being a part of me that I hide. Knowing that Sir likes this part of me will allow me to better express myself.

I woke today no less mushy than the day before, secure in the fact that Sir is ….. happy with me.

I wonder if this feeling will now be a permanent part of who I am.  If my cunt will ever stop pulsing and needing…more.  I type this looking at Sirs chair, thinking of his cock and cum in my mouth this very minute and how much I miss that.

Big surprise planned today for Sirs next long visit, so off to get things done.

Cunt brain

i have no brain for work, so tgif.

My cunt had taken over. After my chat with Sir regarding my emotions my cunt took over my brain.

I am fixated on being with Sir and another submissive girl. Not someone new, but experienced in submission. Someone who needs no training. My cunt wanting that.

My cunt begging to be fucked, not by a Dom or Domme, but a submissive girl. I am ….. Needing to be full to have Sir so pleased that he fucks my slave hole. To have a dp and feel that fullness tit to tit with another girl. To be with Sir. It’s becoming an increasing need to have him see how well I am obeying him. How much I want to make him happy. 

My cunt won’t turn off, it’s like a non stop porn in my brain. All with the end game being his praise of the good whore I am becoming. 

The amazing part is that I not only am ok with this turm about but excited about it. I want to scream how happy I am. How wet and mushy and joyful. I aways stopped this turn of my emotions. I shut it down fearing that I would be scorned for my need.

This is all possible by Sir approving of me. 

His words:

I am the one who took you here, of course it’s what I want

I’m very happy

Very pleased at your acceptance

You are my good girl and you make me happy

That is what all of this need is about, his happiness, our meshing. The ying and yang of us.  

I want to keep trying to explain but I can’t. I need no other as I need Sir. His words make the things I have suppressed and hated about myself not just ok, but attributes to be proud of. 

Need

i don’t know how to stop this need.

I want to cry. My cunt is wetter than yesterday, it pulses and it won’t stop. Every step I take feels like an edge. My need is so bad. Tears keep forming.

I just need Sir. I need his pain. His soft words of approval. I need to hear him tell me to cum for him. I am tortured right now with this need. I want to leave work. I want to go home pull out every toy, have Sir use them all, everyone, on every hole. Just edging me over and over.Then when I can’t stand it anymore tieing me spread eagle, gagged and blindfolded. Chain through my collar, clovers on my nipples, slave leathers on and nothing else for hours on end. Crying and dripping and begging but no voice left, just a whimper of please Sir. 

Then the whip over and over. Close to passing out, moved by his strong arms to the slave station cuffs attached so that I don’t fall. Sir grabs my chain making my collar chock me, then he pushes his cock on so fast and hard saying cum, cum from the good pain. Don’t stop, I cum from the second he enters me until the second he stops moving, through every hard thrust and every moan. Until I pass out.  

Coming to in his arms. A spacey smile on my face, being used very hard by my Sir. He pets my head saying good girl, good slut, my good slave. I cuddle into him, showing him with my slave body and soul how desperately I need him.

I miss Sir so very much, everytime he leaves it gets worse. The need I have for him emotional and physical. I am beyond Sirs slave or at least beyond what I could imagine I could be. I want to serve him every moment of the day. My constant thought of pleasing him. 

My only joy is recieved by obeying.

I know in both mind states my physically reaction is only brought on by my emotional state. I could not picture a moment without Sirs support, care and trust. He makes me the best me I could ever be. And I just want to jump into his arms saying thank you. To kneel by his chair, waiting for him. 

It will be 13 more days before I can feel him again. I am so overjoyed that I can take off of work and enjoy this new found ……freedom(?), peace (?) I don’t know the words. What I do know is I will only exist during the next visit to please Sir. The entire trip, obeying, serving, licking, sucking and fucking any man or woman say says. I will not hold an ounce of me back. I will show him just how much I adore being owned by him. I will finish out this year knowing I am complete. That the emptiness in my soul is filled. That I found exactly what I was looking for.

Friday!!

im so very happy it’s Friday.

My energy level is nill, but I’ll get through the day.

My meeting yesterday with the domme went well. She is insanely interesting and we met at a great bar that I really look forward to going to again(even though it’s super expensive).

She has some interests that are really not inline with mine but it was really amazing to hear how they came about.

She scolded me for not dressing warmer as she was covered in leather and fur and me in wool and cotton. 

I had gotten to the bar headed straight to the bathroom. Bra and yoga pants off leaving just a tight turtle neck and shirt with knee high boots. Under that my collar, clover clamps and Luna’s in.

She said she would discreetly check to see if they were all on. They collar was easy…we found a quit corner and a few tugs on the clovers. Then the Luna’s, I stood in front of her blocking the crowd legs spread. Her hand went up the slit in the back of my skirt and she found the string. She pulled, but not enough that they came out then pushed so they went back in almost sending me to my knees. In a perfect kinky world I would have begged this stranger to bend me over and fuck my slave hole right then and there. Unfortunatly it wasn’t that kind of bar.

She asked if I wanted to play but sir had not said that was an option and she being domme he is extra careful with. She asked when I had to get up for work and immediately said nope, we would get some food and then off I would go. 

After much conversation and laughs we headed to the subway arm in arm. A kiss goodnight and an inquiry as to if I would want to play next weekend.

Sir asked me many questions that I didn’t know. It was much more a getting to know you meeting than a proper vetting. They will talk during the week and even if we do not play it was a great night out with an interesting person in a beautiful setting. I am forever grateful to Sir, without him I would never go on these great adventures.

Today much like yesterday I am mushy, still wet and wanting to feel Sir. My tits longing for his hands and my holes pulsing, waiting for him to fill them.

Funny side note. I got home at about 1am, 2 packages waiting for me. I called Sir and he was ready for bed. I was talking to him as I opened my plain yellow padded envelopes. He got a kick out of the fact that no matter how tired I was I just had too see what new toys had arrived!

Mushy

This is a brand new emotion. Brought on by Sir, a gift of sorts for our anniversary.

With so much emotional changes coming so fast at me I am even more needing of Sir. He is becoming my air. I need everything about him, his strength, his care, his protection and his pain.

This emotion is causing a very physical reaction. I am wet like never before, my clit and cunt are pulsing like I’ve been getting eaten out for hours. I feel used even though I have not been touched. I want to be held by my sir, spread wide open on Sirs lap while being licked. I need to have Sir make me beg hard, tell me no, letting the need to cum drive me to the point that I can no longer handle, to bring the tears. To let me cum violently, no longer me but just …… A slave and slut and whore, all his. 

To give him to another, to kiss him as I am in his arms while his cock is sucked. To know in my heart I am his. That he will enjoy her mouth but he will look at me and I will feel his joy. To kneel for him and put the condom on with my mouth spreading her ass cheeks and wanting to cum when I see his cock push in, when I hear that first pain scream. To look at him, his joy while feeling her (maybe under her tit to tit) holding her. But being his. Him kissing me when he cums because I am the slave Sir has made me.

Sir asked what I would like for my birthday and the simple answer is whatever will please him to give me.

Work

Today will be work, work and more work.

As soon as I’m out of here off to yoga in the city, then an adventure. I will be meeting up with a Domme in a beautiful gothic bar. My nerves are not as bad as they would have been last month. I’m getting used to meeting new people and following Sirs commands. 

It is funny when dealing with multiple dominate personalities. She requested I show up with no makeup. Sir loves my pirate red lipstick. I really don’t understand the no makeup, but it’s easy on me, no need to touch up after class. No matter what she says the lipstick will be on when I get there.

In my purse are clovers, collar and Luna balls. Sir said to pack them, just in case. It’s been 4 days since sir and I have played. I miss it. I don’t know if it’s just busy schedules or he wants me to be overly horney. I know he has his reasons. The only thing that has been allowing me to sleep is him letting me have either the rope or chains around my waisted. They put me at ease, I imagine it to be a long lasting hug from Sir.

I am so mushy and wet. Today being a perfect internal balance of both emotional and physical need.

He’s always known me

i asked Sir for my old screen name. In just 3 months I had forgotten it.

This is just the first example that he knows what I need. I said I never needed the pat on the head, little did I know, it’s what I need the most.

Happy 3 months Sir!

I try not to read too much into pieces of data, such as the term ‘pet’ in your username….

That forms the impression that you have almost a tangible need to please , to be appreciated, to hear “you are a good girl” while sitting on your man’s lap in his chair while your hair is being stroked.

to see him give a sincere, genuine smile when you have pleased him.

That horrible inside feeling you get when you see disappointment in his eyes.

again, reading into things :::: you have figured some things out, and here in year 2014 have made the intelligent decision to seek anew – that your brain is now fully-ok with what your inside soul now knows it simply ‘needs’ 

To get to know a man so well that you become his – in a sane and balanced fashion. Ying and Yang. To the ideal point where he knows you so very well; and you him there is nothing he would want from you that you could not offer, mutual trust —–

that when you hear your man say “good girl” you tingle inside….

My heart

Today I am beyond emotional. Every time I hear my Sir’s calm beautiful voice I want to cry tears of happiness. 

I want to feel him, smell him. Be with him and tell him how much he has helped me. How my soul is his always. That even in my darkest times he is my ray of sunshine. 

Today will be a quick dinner with N. It will be nice not to be alone and yet not out all night long.

I would love to find a darling girl to sleep with nightly, lol. Not live with but to cuddle when Sir is away. Just another random thought I just had. A nice little slave like me that sleeps naked with just her collar.  Not a sexual thought at all, but one of comfort and cuddles.

For all of my kinky thoughts I keep coming back to simple cuddles with my Sir. 

I long to be touched

just off the phone with Sir. He had his sleepy voice on. My cunt is now dripping. I am floating through my meetings(none important, thankfully) with nothing but thoughts of Sir using me. I first think of taking his pain and making his cock hard. The whip, the beautiful welts I have not seen in so long. His big hands twisting my nipples. Then sucking his cock, I miss rolling his cum in my mouth before I swallow. Then naked In my slave leathers serving his food and coffee. Talking sweet words and then up on his lap for some pets on the head and cuddles. Then off to the kitchen bending over the slave station. Sir fucking my slave hole, good pain screams and I cum when he cums over and over, feeling like I may never stop,me on the floor floating him holding me, saying what a good girl his slave is.

Off to another meeting and yet another day dream of my Sir.

My heart is full of joy and my cunt is at its wettest yet. I am his happy happy slut.

1/4th of a Year

Today marks three months since Sir and I found each other.

I can’t speak for his feelings or life prior to me.  I know I was so lonely, a desperate soul.  I had just a small taste of what a D/s dynamic could be and knew it was something I needed.  I put it out to the universe to bring me a strong enough person to deal with my past, a gentle enough person to be in my present and a committed enough person to be part of my future.

We have so many very special moments and are extremely sentimental, making every good moment and first together.

Sir sent this morning

Thanksgiving

Christmas

New Years

V-day

and shorty, your birthday

3 months

!/4 year

I’ve lived and felt more emotions (good and bad) in just 3 moths than I have in my entire life.

I’ve been more comfortable expressing the real me than I ever thought possible.  Sir brings out every part of me, the slut, the whore, the slave, the woman, the empath, the smart girl, emotional connection to him is what I crave the most every day.I never knew submission could be like this.  I give him my everything, my body, heart and soul.

In return he truly takes care of me.  He holds me and comforts me.  He builds me up with his sweet words, never wanting to break me.  He cares about every part of the woman I am becoming.  I would have stayed a shell, empty never reaching my full emotional potential without him.

I have had times of great doubt in myself and ability to please Sir, but he has always been able to ground me. For me even with all of the adventures and kink I document in this blog, they are nothing without the emotion I have for my Sir.

So tonight I will pour my wine and iced tea, but this time my cunt will be dripping, excited and not nervous, pick up the phone with no doubt or hesitation and call my Sir.  I will want to jump through that phone line into his arms and tell him how happy he has made me. I look forward to waking everyday because I am his. Little R asked last night when did I get into BDSM and I looked at her and said it was always in me, waiting for the right person.  That is Sir the right person for me. I wish he was here, sleeping sound so that I could serve him on this very special day.  I’m sure I will be writing much more mushy posts today even if I am busy. I am finding the words both hard to find and yet hard to stop.

I am a good happy slave, slut, pain and cum whore, just the way Sir has trained me to be!!!