Anal, anal, anal

Ha! Love the excessive lube!

missmanners78 - a slave's journey

When you say the word “Anal” you get one of three reactions:  a) “Oh hell yes!”  b)  “Oh hell no!”  c)  crickets.  Nothing.  Silence.


I have to admit I was in the “b” category back in the day simply because I tried it with someone that had NO idea what he was doing.  As a result, I shied away from it.  Wasn’t going to happen.  No, no.  No, no.  It wasn’t a good experience and I was positive it never would be. 


It wasn’t until much later that I have come to understand and absolutely love anal sex.  My Sir and I both love anal.  I now prefer anal orgasms over vaginal ones.  They’re so much more intense.  He also took it slowly with me until He knew I was completely ready.   Now I’m His little anal slut. 


 Patience is going to be your virtue.



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I spoke with N again last night.

We are both going through the same things, we have great supportive men, crappy x husbands, pasts that interfere with our presents.

We both hold the fear that we will loose the men we have due to our crappy pasts playing on our minds. Really who wants to deal with our type of baggage.

She like me is also a strong little girl, but her x can reduce her to tears and she hates that. He put her in financial trouble then said take me back. As if!

We also share a similar fear that hit us just yesterday. What if we go off the deep end in this lifestyle. It’s hard to keep balance and not let your cunt take over your brain.

I fear too many partners and loosing focus at work. Also I’ve been neglecting my friends and family that have helped when I needed them. I feel I’ve turned into a very selfish person. What if I can’t find this balance of slave, slut,whore,business woman, friend,and daughter? It’s so much to juggle. Plus I need time to decompress. My brain can’t keep going full force without down time. If we could add 3 more days to the weekend I might be able to do it all to my type a best.

So we found support in our very unique set of circumstances. It was great to speak to someone who’s life is running parallel to mine.

I woke and my head is in a better space today. Just realized how much I’m looking forward to my painting class on Friday, it’s been months since I put a brush to canvas.

Off to work, another busy day.
Hoping yoga with Aruba girl, but it seems I’ve given her her cold back, so we will see.

Too wet…

To be stuck at work.

All I think of all day is fucking. Sir I am so incredibly wet. I’m tired and dream like. It’s weird that I’m not craving the pain as I normally do, but real hard fucking, my cunt and slave hole.

A soft pretty girl on my clit, another with a strap on made for a dp. Maybe even a man fucking her so the rhythm is set and his force drives into her.

Maybe one day, as wet as that fantasy makes me I know my emotions from yesterday are still with me.

I hope that this will bring Sir pleasure as yesterday I was doubting my ability to carry on as a slave. I just want to be Sirs good whore, but I’m still trying to find balance internally. I’m his, but I can’t loose me too. Sir says he likes emotions and I also fear becoming too slave like and loosing them, I love being a slave, not a fuck toy.

Where once my fear was being a bad slut, now I fear becoming just a hole.
I fear the emotions will become too much and my cunt will be too wet and I will loose myself to …… A base need to fuck and obey.

I don’t want to shut down and just becoming numb.

I’m so tired , horny, and want to be held by Sir. I want to be used hard and let the emotions fall away. Even more I want to sleep wrapped in Sirs warm arms.

But like a good girl, I’ll go to a 4 hour meeting instead and try my best not to sleep(or leave a wet mark on my chair).

I don’t know where this new fear has come from.

New day

So I’m up and ready.

A long work day ahead of me. Tonight’s plans have changed so I’m going to try to convince little R to join the world again by offering yoga and pizza.

I know depression and it’s the worst. I just hope she snaps out of it soon.

Yesterday Sir turned my day around as always. I woke, exhausted, emotions always leave me physically drained the next day.

Today work will be crazy to the tune of 7 long hours of meetings and I will be going crazy not hearing Sir for this long length of time.

This morning I woke to a missed call, text and emails. Sir knows that when I get in a state of mind like yesterday’s I need the emotional support to get through. He sent sweet words and pictures from his last visit along with a photo of a beautiful threesome.

I love waking up to emails like that. His words letting me know I am a valued person, his photos tell me he treasures our time together and the porn, that I am desirable and he is willing to share what turns him on.

I do love porn. I don’t watch it anymore because, well I don’t need to. I can cum from words and our connection makes my orgasm so much more than watching a girl take on a scene. But I woke with the memory of sir fucking my cunt with my poor deceased dildo while watching the story of o. I long to do that again, to be on the couch with him dripping and to get to the point I become wild with need, feeling him close begging for him to use me in any matter he wants. To watch images that I wish to duplicate and give Sir pleasure by him knowing I have only the limits he sets, none of my own.

I’m wet and if he was here I would be feverishly humping his leg!! Lol

Off to work….back to reality….

Being weak

I am a self admitted slave, but I’m not weak, much the opposite.

Prior to Sir I was never owned or claimed, so all the crap today with my x and just my emotions In general I wanted to stuff all of my emotions deep inside and retreat.

He called as I was talking to little R and at the sound of his voice I lost it and started to cry bad tears again.

I started telling him about everything. The taxes, him saying well than take me back. He doesn’t know that I know about his girlfriend that looks just like me but with dead eyes. I just want to be done with it, but I just can’t afford that until next year. He’s cost me my life savings 3x over and I won’t let him get me again.

None of this makes his words hurt less. Then in his eyes I’m a saint. He doesn’t know about Sir or my adventures. He looks at me like I am his perfectly repressed wife and best friend.

It’s not bad weather wise so sir told me to get my Luna’s and walk the dogs for a little, enjoying the sun and the movement on my cunt.

Back at home I had to mop the little paw prints and I was moaning. Sir said he wished he was there to whip me, as my bad tears would turn to good. So he said the binder clamp on my clit instead. I mopped them he let me come. Luna’s still In, binder off, on the floor, blissful again.

I told Sir I didn’t want to tell him about today. I know had he waited just 10 more minutes our conversation would have been much different. I would have shut my heart and been the ice princess I’m known to be. No commands or kink or soft Dom words would have reached me. I told him while mopping I was going to end everything, not that I wanted to, but I feel much more. That’s a good and bad thing.

Thank you Sir for not letting that happen. I feel so bad when I am emotionally burdensome.

My problems

Some things are just yours.

They are in your head. They are whispered in your ears. I need to stop looking to others to “fix”, I’m not fucking broken. As I told my x today, I’ll figure shit out on my own like I’ve always done. I’ve been responsible for myself since I’m 8 and I’ll continue on this path.

Everything is just too much for me, I’ve been crying for over an hour and I’m done. The door is shutting. I can’t do any of this anymore.

Not enough hours…..

Every day I am sick or it snows sets me back.  I feel like crap, but I have things that must be done.  I understand Sir wanting me to meet with new people and have adventures, but I’m feeling a little overwhelmed with my hectic life.  Yesterday was a day of phone conversations with people that I miss and haven’t seen in ages.  It made me very……blah to realize how many people I’ve been ignoring. I want a life that is full of fun and adventure, but I also miss my core group of friends.

I need help with balance.

I can balance the work thing but the social life is a totally different story.

I will be trekking through this slush today to at least 3 boros. Even a car would not make today much easier.  Plus I am waiting on my useless x husband to wake up from his most likely drunken stupor in order to even start the things I have on my list.

I id fins out he was dating yesterday, that made me so very happy.  I don’t hate him, I just want him to move on and divorce me.  He has ruined my credit and made my life a complete disaster at times but the truth is we’ve been friends for over 20 years.  He’s taught me so much about what I don’t want in my life and what’s important.

Well speak of the devil, he just called.  Time to go and get in the shower so I can go do my taxes. Gotta say I’m just not feeling myself today.

Why Snow, Why?????

So yet again another party that I was looking forward to and…… yup more snow!!!

I can not wait until I am no longer part of the bridge and tunnel crowd,  I’m so close to the city, but so very far away.  I would have frozen my big slave of an ass off getting there and back. Plus this is the first day I am feeling normal after being sick for so long.  I just really didn’t want to push myself and get sick again.  Sir said I was excused. THANK YOU!

I talked most of the day on the phone to all of the vanilla-ish people I needed to.  They say I’ve become distant and are afraid of loosing me.  Spoke with female A and told her about the sex clubs and she is excited to go (when the weather warms up). She’s super straight but kinky and I think she will like the show, plus she loves to dance so I’m thinking the one right near her would be good since the first floor is a dance club with play rooms upstairs.  I even spent some time with my mother today.  I was able to get a surprise for Sir and food shop.

The plows are finally coming down my street but the sidewalks are a mess and it’s going to rain, so it will be ice.

I am going to curl up with a good book(or so little R says). I used to read a book a week, but now find it hard to even get in a yoga class.  So some down time by force tonight.

Sir just texted that he misses me and I miss him to.  Today was the first day I woke to emails from him in a while.  I miss that, the waking up to things he found online for me, but more his words.  Tonight I’m feeling a little ….venerable. Guess that comes with the whole slave mind frame.  Also because of this weather.  I wish I was with him watching Netflix, used and tired.  Instead I’m just having some dinner now.

I did get to tell my cousin about some of my adventures. That was good, she told me about a few doctors she has been fucking.  We are very similar except her youth was not as wild due to having children at a young age.  She thinks maybe this whole phase we are in is due to our age and inability to deal with it. I don’t think so, this is just who I am and I’ve been in hiding for so long.Oddly she’s blogger to, her blog is funny sarcastic and all about her views on sex and the crazy people around her.  She used to sell sex toys (in home parties) for a living.  I wish she still did, I could really use the discount!

I also spoke to a girl L, she sounds sweet but is into the whole club every night scene and that’s something I Murdock Rule.  If I was rich and didn’t have to work fine, but I’m way to old for that. Also I am just not comfortable with large groups of people yet. I love to watch but I’d rather just have a nice small group at a house.  I’m so glad Sir agrees with that. Lol, I just received yet another text from a friend of mine saying “where have you been, it’s like you just vanished”. So looks like the book will have to wait, one more phone call to make…….

Cunt Talk

Disclaimer:If you are the squeamish person don’t read this.

So at the start of Sir and I’s relationship the first very open conversation I had with a woman was with Little R at work.  We hardly knew each other and she likes to try to shock people with sex talk.  She saw that nothing she said phased me.  Lacking a “motherly” figure she cornered me outside and wanted to know if she could ask me questions (she had no other female to go to). So I said sure.  She’s in her 20’s and experienced but like I was, at the same time, not. She watches an absurd amount of porn and her cunt doesn’t look like the girls she sees.  So I had to know, what’s so different? She’s a small girl, former dancer, Like me a tiny lower stomach that drives her nuts and she has padding.  Yup that’s what I call it.  It’s not a flat transition to her cunt.  At the same time it’s no “fat”. I laughed and told her so do I.  She was embarrassed of it and I pointed out that there are benefits to having a little lip padding.  The main being that when receiving oral you don’t bruise anyone’s face! I think that was the real start of our friendship.

So yesterday I was thinking about how bad fish’s cunt was.  Little R has been depressed and a good sex talk was in order.  She can’t hide her depression physically like I do.  Her hair has not been washed in 3 weeks, not a shred of makeup on, she had on the same pants 2 days in a row. Her pristine white winter coat is now covered in stains. She’s not in the right mind frame for me to talk about my adventures as she would go into full panic mode about my safety, especially with her friend being found dead yesterday. So I decided instead to have some candid cunt talk.

We were both earing layers of close in this 0 degree weather, but as normal I have no panties on.  She said she had to because she gets way to wet.  I let her in on a little secret that wet is good and she just needs to let her cunt breathe.  Then she told me about how she has heavy discharge and her wet is not clear and even though she is clean (aside from her hair) she will get a strong order during the day for no reason.  That made me think, back in my 20’s I was the same way.  Maybe it’s a hormonal thing but I would use about a can of cunt spray a week and have to clean  myself everytime I went to the bathroom.  Also being super aware if I was going to have sex as I never wanted to taste myself on another.  So light bulb, Maybe fish wasn’t dirty, just way to turned on and young.  I think she still should have excused herself proior to play and cleaned up, but possibly her body just reacted.

I told Little R that one of the good things she can look forward to as she ages is that the wet never goes away, in my case is more, but the smell does and also you become clear, not cloudy and …..ugh, clumpy? I didn’t realize that I had physically changed in this way.  This is not to say that when I work out I don’t smell or that I am a bunch of roses when I’m turned on, but that as you hit your mid-thirties and you start to sexually peak, your body gives you this gift.  This ability to be wet, not in the least bit wanting to hide it, but looking forward to seeing it drip down your leg.  She was so embarrassed when she admitted that happens for no reason.

I learned a few things with the cunt talk.  One I’m happy that mine is a little padded and always wet. Also that I really never want to lick Little R or any young girl again before at least make her strip first and watch for the smell!

Side Note- So happy, the furniture store just came and replaced the couch cushions that Aruba girl squirted all over! Thank goodness I have dogs and could blame them for the stains.

Off to be productive and give a quick call to Sir.

Blah x3

This is a phrase I use when emailing my boss….it means insert a bunch of tech crap I don’t understand or want to.

Today this phrase describes me. Nothing’s wrong, I’m just cold and miss Sir. I have plans for dinner w/little R. Her friend went missing a few months ago and they identified him by his teeth this morning. She is destroyed. I held her and patted her little head, so much like a lost child.

Then drinks with the bride and maybe C. I’ll be tired and cranky the entire time but I miss them. All of my adventures taking time away from people that may not understand me, but that I love anyway.

I’m just wasting time at work, no meetings or documents that are at the point that I can write them. I wish I was home. I wish I was taking pain and being fucked. I wish I was receiving praise for being a good slave and slut. I wish a pretty girl was licking my cunt while sir was fucking her slave hole.

In time these things will happen but for now I’ll just day dream, making my 3 layers of clothing wet.

I want to be tied up naked, collar and cuffs, having all of my holes used. I want that beautiful used look on my face. The look that sir loves, the look that says I am his slave. The joy of floating no brain just pleasure from obeying. None of this would be joyful without Sir, this is an experience I want him to see, to hold me after. This to me is how I prove that I am his good whore. The sex part is easy, the emotions attached are not.

I realize I may have held back due to this desire, yes I sucked a few cocks and licked a few clits and tits, but in much more of a fluffer way. Well except for Aruba girl.

Then there is my need to know Sir approves of me. Last night the party was his command, not to play, but at least to go and see what it was about. Even still I feel the need to ask “are you sure you are good with this?”

My brain says stop, but my soul needs to hear that he is happy. He texted me the other day he texted “you make me very happy….” That’s better than any orgy!

Random thought— would Sir want me to fuck or suck J so that we would insure an invite to his apartment on his next trip. There’s no attraction to him, but I want Sir to be able to look at that view with me in his arms. Lol, God I would have never been ok with that thought a few weeks ago…..I would have thought it, but never admitted it and felt like a piece of crap for thinking of it.