sleep and I had a good run for a while, but the insomnia returned.
Sir and I tucked each other in at 9:30, both of us tired and not feeling well.
Now I’m up again, hurting and awake. For a full year I survived on no more than naps, not one day did I get more than 2 hours of sleep at a time, with a max of four a night.
This is when my brain goes, my body so exhausted. I become haunted looking. The stress showing in my eyes and my skin becomes translucent.
For some strange reason I keep replaying a conversation with the exdom. He told me that he would never leave his wife because of his daughter. He didn’t want her to end up like so many screwed up girls he knew with daddy issues “like you”.
So thanks, that’s great, him saying I’m screwed up. My issues are many but that was the pot calling the kettle black. As far as daddy issues, lol, depends on the dad. So ok the first 2 sucked. My father was a deceitful cheat. The other one a pedophile, but I had my pop. Yeah he was bipolar but he really kept the family together. My last stepfather was one of my best friends for the past 18 years. So really nope, I may be screwed up but not going to blame the daddy issues for that one.
Don’t know why my brain decided to go back there tonight…..but it did.
Time to pace a little.
Ok maybe it’s just the time of the year.
Or that it’s been a year. Yup a year since I’m separated. A long sometimes bad, other times good, very quick moving year.
I’ve learned more, about every facet of my life in this one tiny year.
I learned what I need out of life. That I really desire respect. Not that fake kind, that blowing bubbles up my butt talk, but RESPECT. I juggle so many things and I need to get recognized for being the strong person I am.
Well now I’m just rambling.
One more lap around the house and back to staring at the back of my eye lids for a while.