today I really don’t know what to write about. I thought by now I would have dropped, but I seem to be fine.

My cunt is still wet and I still feel connected to Sir, even though I miss feeling him.

I think having vanilla distractions mixed with slave routines is working at keeping my mind balanced.

I only start to get scared and drop when I have no routine, no balance. If I go to far one way or the other I short circuit.

I also noticed last night that I no longer have guilt over watching porn. Before Sir I would watch,cum once than be ashamed. Now I watch and edge and float, I know this pleases Sir. The more I edge the wetter I am and the more slave like I feel.

Every moment of the day I am ready and wet for him. 

I hope he wakes and feels better today. 

I found myself half asleep this morning kneeling next to his chair. Edging and not counting. Seeing him looking down and watching what a good cum slut he has made of me.

He also allowed me pain last night. I know now and expressed to him yesterday that longer than a day without pain and my mood changes. It is my need, a constant need, the way I release stress. I am so happy that Sir ……not only is pleased with this, but is mature and sane enough to set my limits. He always knows when to stop. That in itself shows me how much he cares. I adore his control.

Yoga tonight, it will be sweet pain since I skipped class last week. I’m looking forward to it. 


this trip came with a new set of firsts.

First time:

I went to a fetish party in over a decade

I was fucked at a fetish party

I played at a fetish party

multiple strangers made me cum by pain alone

my mind was good in the knowledge that I am Sirs to share

I was punished in public for being late

I played with a girl in a hotel bathroom

at a swingers party on a yacht

being fucked by a machine

squirting in public

living 24/7 D/s for more than a week

knowing in my heart I am a slave and I need Sir

 (even with nerves) I knew with no doubt I would follow all of Sirs commands

I wore a real corset out

I did not feel alone in my needs

I’m sure I’ve missed a few…..updates to come later


when Sir left yesterday my need skyrocketed.

I went home, cleaned and returned the apartment to showroom quality. Any signs of life (except the dogs) removed. 

As I looked around I thought no this won’t do. I opened the gate back up to the living room, made a bite to eat and sat on the couch. Tv on, limited to one hour, so my brain could still pay attention.

Sir called saying he was home and my cunt started to drip again.  Texted him asking permission to watch one of the porns he had downloaded and to edge, since he would be out at dinner.

He said yes and to watch one of the fucking machine ones. It brought back visuals of him watching me on the machine and him fucking me over the table. Forty minutes later my edge count at 214, in full slave mode I called Sir. I don’t remember any of the conversation, but it was not a plea to cum. 

When my mind returned I texted him the number and drank a half gallon of water.

Before he left he gave me 2 presents to come home to. New rope and a special note. They made me cry happy tears. Today I am going to look for a pretty box to keep all of my momentos in. 

I called Sir ready to be tucked in, naked, collar, my body waiting for him. He let me tie the big hard rope around my waist so that I had even a chance of sleeping without him.

I’ve noticed the longer he stays the wetter I am when he leaves. This past time was 9 nights of being his wet and ready slave. 9 days of serving him. It was wonderful. There were times I was not myself and outside influences turned my mood, but Sir handled me with such care. 


Today hurts.

I’m back in the office after a week off. Sitting on this chair with my bruised ass.

I woke up this morning and realized my period came early.

What hurts the most is that I’ll go home after yoga and Sir will not be sitting in his chair. 

Tonight I will sleep alone.

Physical hurts are manageable, but the mental ones are so much worse.

This morning I set the alarm extra early so that I could enjoy the twilight cuddles. I rushed to shower and dress so that I could jump into bed for a few more minutes. Sir half awake asking if I could work from home. I wish, but after a week my physical presence is required. 

I’m mushy and horny, my tits long for his touch. Sir will leave me with a gift. He downloaded porn for me on my computer. I used to watch it everyday, but I’ve only watched it 2x with sir.

Yesterday we watched a fucking machine contest. He was sitting in my chair and I was leaning on the dinning room table. I could feel the heat in my cunt start and the normal slave wet increased. I said nothing to Sir, I never have to. He got up and came back with a condom and I pulled my pants down. Sir fucked my cunt hard, making me go into such a state I begged him not to stop.

When Sir is around I am his mushy slave. I am in a constant state of being aroused. It’s going to hurt not to have him there, not to have him use me at anytime he wishes. 

I miss him already

Parties, People and the Machine

Sir and I have planned to go to this one party 3 previous times and mother nature has said nope. Last night we planned to go again.

During the day we lazed around, he did some work, I saw my mother and took a nap. Sir promised to wake me with my new toy. His big strong hands on my nipples and the hitachi and addition in my holes. Sir said I had been allowed to cum too much because of my birthday and he wanted me nice and wet for the party. My edge count was up to 76 but nightfall.

We had been in contact with 2 couples that were going. One very new to D/s, we met them and got a drink before the party. They are young and cute from the neighborhood I work in. She really wanted to play much more than he did.  We walked in with them to put them at ease. The other couple Sir saw on Fetlife.  She has a beautiful profile and they live only 5 minutes away.

The party was a suspension party and I am obsessed with how pretty it is. Not only that but the look on a subs face as they are being tied and lifted.  It seems as though they are in subspace for hours and so happy.

When we first got there we played a little. Sir allowing me to get many birthday spankings. The other night a girl had spanked me too hard and my ass is horribly bruised, so my pain tolerance was very low. The fetlife girls Dom just wanted to flog me, he asked three times and each time something got in the way. Finally we had the chance and my poor ass just couldn’t take much.  I felt so bad, as a pain slut it sucks when things that normally feel so good, just plain hurt.

In front room was a bar and Dj, the suspension gear. In the back room was all couches and of course rug man. Sir and I wonder if it’s the same guy that has been at parties since the early 90’s? That’s a fetish I just don’t get, but to each his own.  I still don’t have it in me to step on him, maybe one day…..then there was the machine. Fet girl said she had used it last time and it was very fun. We also ran into D/b bi-Bulgarian and bow-tie man.  It’s nice to have a small group that you know when you go to these parties.

So back to the machine. two men ran it. There was a doctors chair and a fucking machine run by a foot peddle. One guy ran the dildo and the other used a hitachi. I watched one girl on it and my curiosity grew. I would normally stay away from anything that looked like medical play, but this had no needles, so I watched. Sir saw how I was distracted by it and told me I would try it. I really didwant to, but as usual I was afraid. So top off, leaving my corset and skirt. Sir asked if I could go next and he put on my blindfold/gagball combo, skirt up and they strapped me into the chair. Everything was super clean and hygienic and since I’m a clean freak I was comfortable with it. They made sure there was lots of lube and then they started it up. Oh how I wish I could relive that feeling again. I screamed and begged Sir to come, my cunt was on fire. It was a weird combo of being fucked hard but the Hitachi man was very sensual with his tool. I don’t know how much I came, but on the second round I broke free of one of the restraints. Sir took of the mask, wanting to make sure I was ok. He can tell by my eyes when I’ve had enough. Sir took over the peddle and pushed me to my breaking point, I squirted everywhere, screaming and cuming. I’m a little disappointed that I couldn’t go for a third time, but I think I freaked out a little when I squirted, I have never done that in public. When I got up they showed me the hospital chuck that was under me and it was soaked. The one guy saying he hasn’t seen a puddle like that in a long time.   After I was up and back together, Sir went to get me some water. I sat with the B/b couple and they we impressed telling me that I had unbeknownst to me drawn a rather large crowd and the other kinksters seemed to enjoy the show. Lol, I didn’t even register that anyone other than Sir was watching. So new favorite toy is absolutely the fucking machine. I am lucky that I have little money or I’d be looking on-line right now for one, never to leave my house again.  I think I’d just fuck myself silly all day long.

There were little bits here and there of play but that was about it. Fet girl said this party was much more about socializing then sex. So we went with the vibe. Before we left we watched one more girl get suspended. It was a beautiful way to end a great night. Maybe next time that pretty girl all tied up will be me……

Thank you Sir for yet another wonderful evening. My cunt is still dripping. One last day of cuddles then back to reality tomorrow.

Another Birthday

Today is my mother’s birthday. So in a few minutes I will go to see her and spend a little time.

We had a great lunch yesterday and it was so nice to come home to Sir sitting and working at the dining room table. I especially like just having him here. Being able to go over and ask Sir if I can get him anything and giving him kisses on his cheek.

He finished his work and it was time for a short nap. I always sleep naked next to him.  This shows him that I am ready for his use at anytime he wants. As I was in that wonderful twilight state He grabbed my nipple and gave me such sweet pain. Not much in the world turns me on like being groggy and used. My body reacts with no brain me at all, I become an immediate whore, begging to be fucked. Sir said vibrator in my cunt. I was so wet I had to hold it in, no amount of kegels would work in keeping anything in as I was dripping.  Sir took my slave hole hard and I begged for more. After I was in the most lovely head space the rest of the night.

We had a great birthday dinner and I drank an entire bottle of prosecco. Sir giving me even more pain by messaging a few pressure points that always make me scream in delight. Him in his chair and his good mushy slave where she belongs on the floor between his legs floating in bliss. If I could have anything in life that would be it. I would choose to stay there on my knees with my head on his lap, used, secure and cared for. Always my hair stroked and a “good girl” from his lips.

As I got up (my knee never lets me stay as long as I would like) I said to Sir to watch out, I had made a nice size puddle.  He had let me put ice in my cunt hole before and Even though most was out before I knelt, I didn’t want him to slip. So back on my knees to clean up my cunt juices.

I woke again this morning needing to be used, but that will have to wait.


Another year older. Don’t know how I feel because I’m not awake yet.

Lunch with mom and right now back to bed for some last minute cuddles.

As I slept with Sir this morning the visual I had was of tonight.  Sir has me kneeling on the coffee table, Tits out in my short nighty, Collar cuffs, hands and ankles bound. On the tv is porn and I must watch it, wait and drip. Then when the puddle is big enough sir tells me what a good slut and whore I am becoming. He has all of my toys laid out on the table and I wake before I know what he uses.

Poor Sir always waking up to his mushy slave humping him in a wet spot.

Saint Pasta day

Yesterday morning I sent a text to my mother wishing her a happy st paddy’s day and the above is what my phone decided to send. So from now on it will be known as pasta day.

Most of yesterday was spent with my aunt.  In all of the adventures and Sir I have lost touch with her.  She was my savior when I was a child. She’s only 13 years older than me, so we grew up in the same house as sisters. When I was 15 and my mother was at her peak of substance abuse my aunt took me in. So it’s kind of funny that every 3-15 we celebrate my mother’s sober anniversary together.

As I had told Sir my aunt was pissed at me.  She won’t say it, because, well…..she’d a suborn Irish woman. Yesterday I walk into her house in my Kelly green dress and she’s all in black. One look at me and says, my face is the map of Ireland, I don’t have to wear green! Truest words ever. We talked and it turns out my mother has also been too busy to hang with her. So between us having busy lives and the kids in college, she’s very lonely.

By the end of the night she was in good spirits again.  I felt horrible leaving Sir to go, but it really needed to be done, plus I convinced them to also celebrate mine and my mother’s birthday too.  So family issues out of the way and resolved. I will make a better effort not to let that happen again. Balance is such a hard thing and I’m going to get it right.

Funny, creepy, wtf?

Last night was a last minute party. An English Indian couple was to meet us there. Sir and I were early. The space was ok, mix of swingers club and fetish. No more than 10 mintues there (and yes my tits were out) a creepy guy comes over and says something and then grabs a tit. So Sir told him no and he kinda went away.

The couple shows up and they have a D/g relationship. She says to him she wants to play with me. Goes to see if they have any private spaces because of the amount of men there.  There is a spot that if you put the curtains down people are supposed to leave you alone, but they don’t. The place had hardly any security.

Her and I stripped by our owners. I brought a very powerful bullet vibrator and a couple of other toys. she had very nice tits and I realize how much I love to watch anothers facial expression when I am pleasing them. Lol, she cums horribly, the sounds too squeaky, but at least she came. Sir also showed her how to use a flogger on me and I came many times from pain and being fingered, but her oral skills were lacking. As this was going on there were many breaks to yell at people that kept opening the curtains, with cocks in hand. There was nothing sexy about this it was creepy. There was one point they were behind me and Sirs cock was in my mouth, this guy touched the male IE. He freaked out. So that was the end of that place. They were staying at a hotel not far and invited us back after we almost got thrown out of the club.

Somewhere along the line my underwear went missing. My theory that one of the creepers has them as a memento.

In the cab we go the male IE was upset the guy wasn’t outside, he was drunk and wanted a fight. They are trying to have a baby and also are looking for a live in sub, interesting. She needs to practice her domming skills a bit more. in the cab they were both noticeably drunk, much more so than I had thought.  We pull up to the hotel and they look at us and are like ,ok where are you staying? Huh? So Sir and I very confused looks both get out and they go to there hotel and we go walking down the street laughing, hysterical. Sir texted them and wished them well on there efforts to procreate.

Another woman that saw I rsvp’d for the party was texting so we walked back to the club. Had a funny conversation with the people at the door. We took a quick walk around and she wasn’t there yet. There were many more men and all sorta walking around cocks out. They had a spanking bench in one room and Sir said I could have some early birthday spanks, but instead skirt up and him fucking my cunt.  I really don’t mind, no, actually I like being watched, but there is a personal space rule. I am in mid-cum and all of a sudden I open my eyes to cock in my face and Sir telling him no. It was not just in my face, but an inch or two away.  I freaked, I held my freak out in until we reached the outside. It brought me back to a very bad place. It was like I opened my eyes and was bent over the hood of the car again being fucked by who knows who and by I don’t know how many.

Sir talked me down and we headed on our long trip home.  Once and cuddled in bed, I was back to my normal self again.  Sir had also been in mid cum when we were interrupted, so he let me suck his cock.  Then he gave me pain and my sucking became uncontrollable.  Afterwards I asked Sir respectfully if I could play with my white toy, I was still so wet and needing to cum for him.  He said no, I had edged all day and had 10 O’s. That was more than I used to have in a year, but nothing for me now. So then he said I could get the hitachi but only edge. I laid next to him legs spread wide counting off my edges, pure bliss. He must have known just how much I was needing to cum and set the timer, one minute count them off. I at one point thought I was going to break it and he had to tell me a couple of times not to stop. The end result 31. My cunt and clit pulsed most of the night.

I feel asleep a very happy safe and secure Slave.