My Body

****warning, a bit gross and graphic******

Sometimes my body makes decisions for me.

Sir did not come to the city today for a few reasons and I’m a bit saddened but I understand.  Tonight would have been either yoga or a private party on a yacht in the city.

I had one last new toy to try out and Sir wanted to thank me for this weekend, so my new suction cup dildo, attached to the wall and I could cum as many times as I wanted when he said so.  Official count 17. During our play time Sir said I would go to the party.  This is what the slut in me wanted.  Last time I was a fluffer and it was very vanilla.  This time a much kinker couple was going, but I new my period would be coming soon, so I’d be a fluffer yet again.  Sir knew that the small bit of bad slut was still there holding me back.  As I laid there in slave space the dildo still in me. My cunt pulsing around it, something was wrong.

I got up, pulled it out and there was a fountain of blood. This is not the first time this has happened. Sometimes my body just says stop!!!  It is a side effect from medications I was on and I was promised it would only last a few years.  Great, it’s been 2 already.  So about 2x a year I hemorrhage. It’s more scary than anything else.  So traveling alone anywhere is not a safe thing to do right now, plus, I smell like blood.  Two showers later and I’m like a vampire and can’t get that tin smell out of my nose.

Sir asked me to write him a list.  Things I would want for my birthday as a little guide. One with him and one with many.  All (well no not all) kinky, some from the mushy slave, some from the good slut and even a few from the good whore.  I’d be just as happy to have him here just holding me.

The Red Card Club

An amazing fantasy….

Lust Hurts: Kind of a Diary

I’m at work, tending bar, when a man walks in. “Hi,” I say. “What’ll it be.”

“You,” he says, and hands me a red card.

It’s the size of a business card, and heavy red cardboard, and it has the word “member” in a swirly arty font. I know what it is. I take it and put it under the cash tray in the till.

“Okay,” I say. It’s a quiet night and no-one else is around. “Come through here.”

We go out the back and I say, “What do you want?”

He shrugs. He doesn’t seem to care.

“I’d fuck you,” I say. “But I need to be quick. So how about I just suck you off?”

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My very first vacation day!

I have not had a vacation day in three years.

I have not been further than the jersey shore in eight.

So today is my very first vacation day! I got up early, took care of the puppies and went back to bed.  Aruba girl and I were going to an early yoga class, but she had tennis.  If I know her I’m guessing she also has a hot tennis pro too!

Maybe we will go to a later class, maybe not.

Sir send me a morning message thanking me for showing me a new part of me this weekend and for being understanding.  How could I not be? I  serve him and my happiness comes from him.  So when he has bad times, my job as his slave is to be there for him, not just as his good slut and whore, but also as his good girl and companion.  He is my very nest of friend and I hurt when he does.  I thought of some small ways to please him, to let him know even though he is far, he is never far from my heart.

Sir also showed me a different side of him this weekend and I feel it has brought us much closer.  Even knowing that play times would not be, my slave cunt has stayed wet and ready for him.  If he was here that would be the furthest thing from my mind. I would have woke him with gentle kisses and cuddles, a nice back rub. Served him coffee and juice then sat on his lap and held him.  No kink at all, just his little mushy slave trying to sooth his soul.

If there is ever anything I can do to make Sir happy I will. That is more than physical. That is me wanting so badly to be there for this strong dominate man who has given me so much.  He has helped to ease so much of my emotional pain that……it would be the ….most ungrateful thing if I did not at least try to do the same for him.

See in past blogs I have mentioned that Vanilla “I love you” said with no emotion. That thing that people say out of habit. When I hear my Sir and he is in pain all I think is how can I make this better? Not because I say I’m his slave, not because I am owned, but because as a person I dearly love him.  My heart aches without him. When he has hard times I can do nothing but think of soothing him.  I can never repay Sir for the things he has taught me and the caring he has shown me, but I will try, I will keep trying for as long as he will let me.

I will call him in a few minutes and he may think it will be for permission to cum with Aruba girls mouth on my clit, but no, it will be so he can read this to know the depth of my emotions for him in his time of need.

Sad Days and Parades

Yesterday Sir received some bad news and I just wished I was there to hold him.

He has been my constant source of emotional support since our very first call and I am trying very hard to be his.  I hope he knows that just as when he is happy, I am, that when he is sad, I am.  It’s a good thing, not something I feel the need to run from.  I am no less mushy, but more so.  As every emotion both good and bad bring us closer.

Tomorrow I may see Sir and when I do I will give him the biggest warmest hug.  No kink (well unless he says), just his little slave being there to give him comfort.  I believe this is a big part of servitude, that sometimes the Dom will need the comfort of his slave.

I dreamt all night of holding Sir and gently playing with his hair, hearing his soft good moans as he sleeps.  I would have stayed awake all night just to enjoy the feeling of giving my Sir such comfort when he is dealing with a traumatic event.

It brings me back to my talk with O the other night.  She asked if Sir and I had a relationship or if it was just a D/s thing.  I’m lucky, it is a true relationship like none I could ever have imagined.  Yes he is Dom and I am Slave, but that’s because that is who we are.  The relationship I believe was built on that premise but was solidly in place prior to us ever meeting.  When I say I am his….it’s more than just a property thing, I give him everything I have and am.  The lucky part is that he gives it back. That is what a relationship is, a give and take between two peoples souls.

I was asked by a therapist once is I knew what love was.  He said it is the need to put another’s needs and emotions before yours unconditionally.  He gave the example of the way most mother’s take care of new born children. The lack of sleep the constant need to make sure the child is fine and the way they put their own needs last.

That is what I feel Sir and I have.  We both have an unending need to put the other first.

He apologized so many times for not being in the right mind to play yesterday.  I told him I know and didn’t expect it.  He said he knew that but he needed to say it.  It let me know he was still thinking of my needs even in this very sad time.

My mind goes back to just holding him, giving him any comfort I can.

Today I will go to a parade and wish I was in Sirs arms instead. Part of me wants to stay home and wait for him to call, but his text today said “enjoy Parade”.  I have a little idea to cheer him up, hopeing to bring at least a small smile to my Sir.