Reactions

7am-Ive said before that the things I want scare me.

Sir and I have spoke many times of the faceless girl. Of me putting a condon on him and spreading her to be used and kissing him as he cums. It’s spoken as a bonding moment and it’s something I’ve seen first hand from the other side, from being that faceless girl.

I fear my reaction due to the many issues that still float in my head. My issues have issues. What if I freak out? I know my brain will not be 100% there when it happens and if the bad slut feeling pop up I may hyperventilate and pass out. Then there’s the insecurity, what if Sir likes his cock in her better? And lastly what if she says no to this whole idea. That would make me feel even more like a bad slut, since I’ve already let her Dom fuck me.

What if Sir looses that look, that look that tells me I’m his. There’s lots of doubts of my response. Then there’s also the fear of where do we go from here? 

Will I fall down that rabbit hole and never return to the normal world again? Will I find myself crying everyday in the bathroom stall at work, not being able to deal with the balance needed to maintains normal life to the outside world?

Will I turn into someone needing 27/7 service, unable to take care of herself in the real world? Will my slave take over for good? Will I break?

Plus, how will I feel when Sir leaves this time? If I can go back to regular life, Will I just crawl into a ball and give up, or worse….will I feel the need to have my cunt licked and fucked every night? Making the drop even worse? 

I don’t want to loose the balance I have right now. I don’t want to feel like the bad whore that is only useful when her holes are full.

I want to be loved and cherished and a part of me says, even though this makes my cunt wet, maybe I won’t be able to look at Sir the same way again.

I’m not going to write a 100 posts on this, but I”ll add to this one throughout the day

9:26 I’m cold and dry, my stomach hurts. Too many meetings. I wish I could disappear and start over, far away from here, far away from me.

4 thoughts on “Reactions”

  1. You need to get out of your own head. I know, easier said than done. You could “what if…” yourself to death. Do what feels good and right and fulfills you, and fuck the rest. There are NO GUARENTEES in life, quit looking for them. We make good choices and we make choices that really suck, but they are our choices and we learn to survive them and learn from them and grow from them. Wishing you a quiet mind and a REALLY GREAT SEX! 🙂

    Liked by 2 people

  2. Oh honey! Breathe x what makes this scene work is the trust between you and your Sir. The foundation of your relationship. My Sir and I have been thogether 13 months, we are solid, but I know I am not quite ready for that scene… Even though i want it. I want her cunt on his face, i want to taste her on his lips.
    Really, you need your Sir infront of you and just have a chat. Talk it through. And there is NO rush. Take this at your pace. It sounds like your Sir takes care of you. He will not let you go into something if he sees you are not ready.

    I find trusting in my Sir often works: and the results teach me that. Know what you want and need. And ask for it … Even if it is time 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

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