7am-Ive said before that the things I want scare me.
Sir and I have spoke many times of the faceless girl. Of me putting a condon on him and spreading her to be used and kissing him as he cums. It’s spoken as a bonding moment and it’s something I’ve seen first hand from the other side, from being that faceless girl.
I fear my reaction due to the many issues that still float in my head. My issues have issues. What if I freak out? I know my brain will not be 100% there when it happens and if the bad slut feeling pop up I may hyperventilate and pass out. Then there’s the insecurity, what if Sir likes his cock in her better? And lastly what if she says no to this whole idea. That would make me feel even more like a bad slut, since I’ve already let her Dom fuck me.
What if Sir looses that look, that look that tells me I’m his. There’s lots of doubts of my response. Then there’s also the fear of where do we go from here?
Will I fall down that rabbit hole and never return to the normal world again? Will I find myself crying everyday in the bathroom stall at work, not being able to deal with the balance needed to maintains normal life to the outside world?
Will I turn into someone needing 27/7 service, unable to take care of herself in the real world? Will my slave take over for good? Will I break?
Plus, how will I feel when Sir leaves this time? If I can go back to regular life, Will I just crawl into a ball and give up, or worse….will I feel the need to have my cunt licked and fucked every night? Making the drop even worse?
I don’t want to loose the balance I have right now. I don’t want to feel like the bad whore that is only useful when her holes are full.
I want to be loved and cherished and a part of me says, even though this makes my cunt wet, maybe I won’t be able to look at Sir the same way again.
I’m not going to write a 100 posts on this, but I”ll add to this one throughout the day
9:26 I’m cold and dry, my stomach hurts. Too many meetings. I wish I could disappear and start over, far away from here, far away from me.