Need

i have so much work to do, but as I sit down to do it I have a NEED. Not a want but a need.

Visual in my head is being restrained wrists together ankles to wrists, blind fold, ball gag. All I can do is hear and feel.

Lesh on, chain around my waist. His, no say in what will happen next. Just his slave. 

Pain, so much pain. Harder than Sir has given before, but the hit hi on my clit so with every hit I jump and push it harder make the pain give pleasure more…..tears so many tears. 

The binder clips no longer work. My pain tolerance is too high. Or maybe I’m just too used to that pain. So that leaves me with no quick fix.

I just really don’t want to be in my head right now. I wish I was safe and sound in Sirs arms, used, wet, dripping. I need to scream, cry and just let all of this stress go. 

I just don’t want to be here now. 

I don’t like that I think this way. I really wish I was wired different. That I could find joy in work again, but I really don’t. Maybe this phase will pass…..maybe not?

I sometimes hate that I need anything especially pain. 

8 thoughts on “Need”

  1. This could have been me 2 years ago. I remember the crawling need for pain. It crawled to celebrate happy thing and to soothe me when things were difficult. I resented it too but didn’t know how else to cope.

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      1. Lol. Now pain is the cherry on top for me, not the whole meal.
        I had to learn what was at the root of my trigger. And I needed to deal with that (that was my journey, I’m not saying it is necessarily your journey too) It took me a year and now as a recovering pain-junkie, I still love pain but I don’t need it as hard or as often. I fell off once, but I kept the lines of communication open and They quickly recognized that I needed help. So, it is a positive story for me. But your writing took me back there instantly.

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      2. Oops, sorry to take you back there. For me I’m dealing with a big amount of stress and this is the outlet for now. Very ones journey is different. I go through a withdrawal period when Sir leaves and sometimes it’s I need a hug, or I need to be fucked or on this day I longed for pain. On the norm and when he’s here the pain is the foreplay. I find the need for pain is increased when I drop.

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  2. In response to your comment about needing it more during drop…I have felt that desire for more and told Sir to break me. Like I am stuck somewhere and feel unfinished. I can’t really explain it. Perhsps I don’t always get what I need for aftercare and I can get left in this sub drop free fall…I want more pain, I feel I need it. I find little joy in things during a drop…and some drops last days. I do better to not drop so much so often…

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    1. I do understand what you mean. See I don’t really drop after a scene. I drop a couple of days after we are separated. Then I get needy, it’s the distance that does it.
      I’m lucky that Sir gives aftercare every day. I wake to sweet words and he tucks me in every night. Even with that….. I sometimes feel so empty.

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      1. Empty- yes. I hate that feeling. We are working on “before, during and after care” to lessen that after our extreme play. Being tucked in every night–i think i will ask Daddy to do that. He reads to me which is soothing. I am so glad i found your blog. 🙂 perhaps we can chat sometime?

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