Hi Sir

Ive kept busy all day. Wrote a long list of things to do at home. All in the effort to deal with Sir going home.

We spoke a bit ago and he decided to stay another day. This makes my heart sing and my cunt drip.

One more day I get to sleep on my sirs lap, one more day I’m his to use. One more good long chat at the table a a sweet hugs in bed.

I just wish I didn’t have to stay so late at work today 😦 I know you could use a big hug and sweet kiss right now.

Today

i woke in a much better place both physically and emotionally today. I’m ok with Sir leaving, never happy but I will have so many distractions today that I think I’ll be fine.

Yesterday I really wasn’t. When I got home Sir knew that. In the kitchen unpacking a few things for dinner Sir says bra off. His strong hands pushing, pulling and twisting my tits. Pushed up against the counter I rub my ass had on his cock. 

My time lines may be off, but Sir sits me down next to him. I’m floating, he says sweater off, then I am there in just a lace shirt. I’m still not all the way right. He sees this and in the bedroom. Leash on wrapped around my legs. He puts the hitachi on my clit, then I hold it, he whips me until I can cry. I let it all out. The chain of the leash in my slit. Sir pulling hard, saying how nice that looks. Knowing it blocks all of my holes. He pulls harder and I main sinking into that good, good pain.

At some point his belt on my neck pulling tight. My brain shuts down. I gasp and the work me is gone. All that’s left is Sirs slave.

Then (or maybe before) back in the kitchen sirs cock in my mouth. I need it and crave it. His moans alone make me want to cum. His cum in my mouth. I don’t want to swallow. I just let it sit there keeping his cock wet and warm.

lol, later in the evening talking about a friends party Sir says I could be a fluffer, then says no I’m too good at sucking cock for that.

I took a nap, then dinner. A friend stopped by (fet girl) with ointments for my ankle. Sir said I could cum if she was sitting there, but my foggy hurt brain didn’t register it. So still no cuming. 

I was mushy and needy.

Then long cuddles in the couch, floating in and out of dreams. Sirs hands in my tits, or maybe my imagination. My cunt dripping all night. I woke up once begging or maybe many times.

In bed only a couple of hours left to sleep, naked and wet. Too hot to cuddle long. 

Lots to do and a busy night of calls and cleaning. Hoping Sir has a nice nap and a good trip home. 

Inconvenient drop

the bus was late. 

I fell the other day and my leg and foot are all scraped up, so I have to stop at the drug store on my way to work. Walking down the first aid isle and….boom, my whole world came crashing i on me. lol, I must have been a sight crying at the band aide selection. 

I became totally irrational. I even almost turned around and went back home.

When I drop that sudden and hard I just want to get off this roller coaster. It makes me miss the stability of vanilla. Sure it was boring, but I could go to the drug store and not fear passing out.

Now I’m at my desk getting ready for a meeting and praying this day goes fast. I just need to decompress, too much going on in my head right now. I need sleep, I’m guessing the the drop actually started yesterday. I slep so much and just need more. It’s the only thing that balances me again. 

Sir is still in bed sleeping. He was not feeling well and may not leave today. My mind is struggling knowing he isn’t well. Still wanting to beg him for pain and release. But knowing if he is not well I ask for a hug instead. It’s also been 10 days since I came last. Normally that would be ….. Nothing, but I’ve edged and been used for sirs pleasure and I think I’m finally at the breaking point, where my mind and body can’t take it any longer.

Well now I’m just babbling…..I have to get my head on straight and get through today.

As much as it hurts when Sir leaves, I hope he feels better.

Raining

today is the last day of Sirs visit.

The weather is perfect for cuddles and staying in bed. 

I’m finding the longer I go with out cuming the more I long to be used. It’s a very noticeable change. 

I just want to be tormented.

Yesterday Sir took the whip to me. He used my holes for his pleasure and from deep in my bliss I begged him for more. The hitachi on my cunt and clit. Riding a never ending edge. The Rush was indescribable.

On this last day I just want Sir to take his pleasure in me. To reduce me to nothing but my pulsing holes. To…..make me cry and beg and be nothing but a slave to his needs. 

I wish to be denied to the point of ……. I don’t know. But I woke with my dripping cunt begging to be used. My joy from me saying Sir please and him saying no. From hearing his release and not mine.

I told him yesterday I think I’ve forgotten how to cum. I feel like riding that edge is so much better for my mental state. Sadly he will leave tomorrow and I fear if I don’t cum, I will have no ability to focus on the real world again. Honestly I don’t want to, I’d be happy to just remain slave forever.

Good morning Sir

this was the first time I slept through the morning and I am sorry that you had nothing to read with your morning coffee.

As we laid in bed your every moan made my cunt drip. 

It was too hard to get up. To perfect if a cuddle position. 

I hurt from the fall I took on our walk last night, but I was glad that I was able to show you the pretty houses on the other side of the hill.

I hope that we have another good day. 

It’s summer??

i just opened the door to the most beautiful weather.

Sir is still sleeping and was not feeling well over night.

He took me to the most amazing library last night. I could picture living there. It had priceless books and antiques. Hidden doors and secret passages. The ceiling was amazing. As I walked around I pictured so many scenes. Being bound to the big desk, looking straight up at the ceiling. Floating and waiting for Sirs whip. Throne chairs that were perfect to be stead wide on. Oh if only it wasn’t so secured!!!

Then off home. A great night to travel.

Sir at one point wrapping his arm around me on the city street with his hand down my dress grabbing my nipple and twisting and pressing. I was so wet all day I came home and just really needed to clean my cunt.

After the shower sir said I would get pain. He grabbed me by my collar. Into the bedroom face down on the bed. My ass very sensitive since I had just showered. The whip, ever blow relieving my tensions, still not being allowed to cum, then his hands, so many tears. He attached my wrist cuff to my ankle cuffs , using my leash to slightly choke me and fucked my cunt for his pleasure. Then on the floor where I belong, clovers on my tits, sucking his cock. Sir came on my face and let me clean his cock with my mouth. I laid there in perfect bliss. After crawling to hold him at his chain. Oh when he pets my hair and says good girl. I know I am i trembled and thanked him.

I went about making him good all with his cum drying on my face knowing I am his. 

I feel asleep with my head on his lap, feeling secure and cared for.

Sir’s good slave.

last night ……

Sir came in and just his presence in the room made my cunt drip, his voice so soothing as I stayed still in childs pose, blind folded and gaged. 

All good pain, his belt, his hands, the crop, the whip, don’t move, don’t cum. His strong hands playing with the Luna’s in my cunt. My cunt juices escaping past them. His fingers on my clit. No hello, no sweet kiss, just Sirs slave offering her holes to him.

Thick rope wrapped around my corseted waist, leash on my collar. Sir telling me what a good girl I am, me not cuming at all, crying, sobbing, drooling, dripping. Sirs cock in my slave hole, good pain the leash chocking me and his hands twisting my nipples. sir says when I cum don’t cum. That was the hardest part, im trained to cum when he makes that good moan. Sir takes the ball gag out of my mouth and the condom off and let’s me clean his cock with my slave hole mouth. I am floating, the taste of his cock like a four star meal. 

Sir guides me off the table, leash in hand crawl with the blindfold still on to his chair. Sir gives me water. I shake and cry. I hold on to his waist as he pets my hair and says how proud he was that I did not cum. It took a while to come back.

I was once amazed I could cum from pain alone, last night I was amazed that with his command I could not cum.

It’s very hard to put into words what last night did to me. Blind fold off, I see my Sir, sitting in his chair. My only thought is how happy and …… Complete I felt in that moment. No want of an orgasm, oddly more at peace then if I had 50.

Now this in no way means I never want to cum again, but I really needed in my soul to just bring him pleasure.

When I did come back, sweet kisses and hugs. I was kneeling and it felt like my slave hole was dripping lube. I went into bathroom and went to remove the Luna’s, my cunt hole was wetter than It has ever been. What I thought was lube was not, it was my juices dripping. Luna’s out and cleaned up. Sir saying that he was so proud that my cunt pulsed but stayed on the edge with no cum the whole time. Also that if he had let me cum I most likely would have squirted past the Luna balls. Lol I think I probably would have sent them flying out.

We sat together, I had pre made a nice platter of good breads, cheese and fruits for Sir to enjoy. I can’t explain the joy of sitting at the table with Sir. It’s weird because our food,drink and good conversation are just as much part of the aftercare as the hugs and good girls. 

I remeber looking at him and wanting so much to scream with joy. To have Sir back in his chair. To feel like I had a purpose again. To touch, feel and smell him. Sir did everything that brought me joy last night, by simply allowing me to please him with my body, mind and ….. The little caring things I longed to do for him. It’s not the kink or sex I miss when he is away. I can have that with play partners, it’s the bond between our meshed souls that make me drop so.

It was getting late, he had a long trip and I had work, so over to the couch. Wrapped in a blanket, cuddled to Sir I fell asleep.

He woke me to go to bed. I was so happy to be naked in my leathers presses against Sir.

I fell asleep hard, I woke to sirs leg pushed in between my leg and his strong hands on my nipples. I fucked his leg to the point of cuming and he said no, this repeated a couple of times. I don’t know what else because when I am woken like this I go straight into subspace. I also sleep the best that way. I wake up feeling so alive. 

lol at some point he did tell me to get off of him, I was too hot and wet. He now understand why I say I wake up in a puddle in the morning. It was good during the winter, but not so good this time of year.

I stayed in bed as long as I could just enjoying the feeling of Sir by my side. Happy, whole…..peaceful again. Not horny but totally mushy and it hurt so very bad to leave him this morning.

Sir woke to have his juice and give me a big kiss and hug. Also complimenting me on my choice of business dress. It’s the little things like that, that mean so much. The balance of sweet and sentimental with the pain and kink that really is making this relationship work.

I miss my Sir, off to a meeting now.

No drop today, that’s because I know Sir is home sleeping sound. When I leave I will meet him in the city. There will be bonding and good conversation. A balance then home to offer Sir any pleasure he may want from his slave.

I’m sure there’s more I forgot and things I cannot put into words. But today I am joyful. I needed to just be slave, nothing else. My joy enormous all based upon Sirs.

12 hours

I know know that with each visit I fall more into Sirs slave. I am my most needy the 24 hours that lead to each visit.

I go from needing pain to needing that sweet edge to needing explosive orgasms to just needing our sweet time if cuddles and good conversation. My needs are a roller coaster.

Sir was the same way yesterday. I also notice with each visits his needs and swings increase. It’s good not to be alone in my needs.

Yesterday was my busiest work day yet, then yoga….I was home, hurting and all brain. Preparing and planning for tonight. Sir says to go to my chair (opposite his) and to talk to him as I look at his, he will be sitting in tonight. We continued a vanilla-ish talk about our days. Then Sirs mood changes, he says to kneel at his chair and play with my clit. In less than one minute the business, vanilla, hurting from yoga me is gone. All that remains is Sirs slave wanting nothing but to take is pain and service his cock.

When we hung up and I started coming back I didn’t think I thanked him, so I called him back. Just wanting to thank Sir for my wet cunt. He was very happy and it turned out I did thank him in my mumbles. He said I made him Rock hard and he adores my ability to go from smart girl me to slave so quick.

It hurt to hang up with him, but if I want to see him tonight I needed to let him work. I went about my business doing the little things I could to prepare for his visit. Getting out the special things that are only used on his visits. Lol, it’s like my version of getting out the good china and polishing the silverware for the holidays. This is a tradition I was raised with and its a good warm feeling.

I think my wetness and slave grow more with each visit because…… My trust in Sir does. My brain me knowing that I’ve shared me, all of me with Sir allowing him to know who I am and judge what I really need. Right now I really need a hug, to sit in his lap and have my hair petted. I need that reassurance that I am his and I guess that he is mine.

Tonight sir told me what he wants when he walks in and who the house will be set. His slave presented for him, face down ass up on the coffee table, toys ready so he can find is joy in tormenting me, no cums, just very sweet denial. I will fuck sirs cock with my slave hole, suck it with my slave hole mouth and have his cum all over my face, then I will be allowed to clean his cock with my mouth and taste his sweet cum, drifting in bliss the whole time. I will serve him good food while his cum dries on my face. I will feel owed, completed. I will curl around sirs leg under the table as I drift. He will tell me I’m a good girl. I will know that I am as I will see the joy on his face. 

See now I’m back to a dripping wet mess!!! Poor Sir is going to have to put up with my dipping cunt rubbing his leg all night long! I can’t wait to see my Sir again!!

Reactions

7am-Ive said before that the things I want scare me.

Sir and I have spoke many times of the faceless girl. Of me putting a condon on him and spreading her to be used and kissing him as he cums. It’s spoken as a bonding moment and it’s something I’ve seen first hand from the other side, from being that faceless girl.

I fear my reaction due to the many issues that still float in my head. My issues have issues. What if I freak out? I know my brain will not be 100% there when it happens and if the bad slut feeling pop up I may hyperventilate and pass out. Then there’s the insecurity, what if Sir likes his cock in her better? And lastly what if she says no to this whole idea. That would make me feel even more like a bad slut, since I’ve already let her Dom fuck me.

What if Sir looses that look, that look that tells me I’m his. There’s lots of doubts of my response. Then there’s also the fear of where do we go from here? 

Will I fall down that rabbit hole and never return to the normal world again? Will I find myself crying everyday in the bathroom stall at work, not being able to deal with the balance needed to maintains normal life to the outside world?

Will I turn into someone needing 27/7 service, unable to take care of herself in the real world? Will my slave take over for good? Will I break?

Plus, how will I feel when Sir leaves this time? If I can go back to regular life, Will I just crawl into a ball and give up, or worse….will I feel the need to have my cunt licked and fucked every night? Making the drop even worse? 

I don’t want to loose the balance I have right now. I don’t want to feel like the bad whore that is only useful when her holes are full.

I want to be loved and cherished and a part of me says, even though this makes my cunt wet, maybe I won’t be able to look at Sir the same way again.

I’m not going to write a 100 posts on this, but I”ll add to this one throughout the day

9:26 I’m cold and dry, my stomach hurts. Too many meetings. I wish I could disappear and start over, far away from here, far away from me.

Making Sir Happy

I find that as the slave in me grows so does my need to be ….. Not denied, but more teased and tormented.

I long to wait for you, to build up the need. To watch you receive joy in the way you described would send me straight to slave. 

To have your cum on my face is….. Something I long for again. To have it dry and leave it there, showing the world I am an owned slut, worthy of your cum.
I keep thinking of you taping the hitachi to my cunt and ball gagging me, but no blind fold. Taped to the chair, my slut eyes begging to cum. You saying no until you see the eye go spacey or the tears come.
I want you to watch me go from you slave girl to your needy begging slut.
I do not know if these things make you happy, but I do want to make you happy.