How to turn around my blase mood…

The easiest, shortest answer to this is….make my cunt wet. Wake up the slave and that indifference I show the world disappears.

Yesterday I got little done at work, texting back and forth with local fl girl. A Saturday night play date planned, another first as this will be role play. After we had a glass of wine and a long talk last night I’m very excited and nervous. 

She’s no pain slut like me but her sadistic streak really wants to see me orgasm from good sane pain. Limits, likes and dislikes discussed by all parties, Sirs input being the most important to me.

We also discussed aftercare and subspace, she told me that she hits hard and has a problem with safe wording out. That’s something that I have a hard time telling a new partner because it’s a major issue. I was so relieved, it allowed me to say that I had issue with it to. Since its a first time for us, it will be lots of build up and light to moderate on the pain scale. I’m pretty sure at some point I will beg for harder.

She also found it a big turn on that I call Sir for permission to cum. Her question was “always, even when you masterbate?” She said in the middle of the night do u pick up the phone asking to cum. Ha! I told her no, Sir tucks me in and I go to sleep. In the middle of the night I just jump my bed and leave puddles, never cuming.

I’m so……wet…excited…slave like, thinking of getting to the point where I reach in a panic for my phone to call Sir, begging,cuming, showing him what a good slut,whore and slave he has allowed me to be.


so this is a story i never told Sir…..

He knows why I started my other blog, but not how I chose this site as opposed to the many others.

So after licking my wounds a bit from x-Dom I decided to teach female A how to flirt. She was on tinder and not meeting anyone, so I created a profile to show her how it was done.

For 2 weeks I became obsessed, i tindered till there was no one left to tinder, multiple times a day. I said hello and engaged each and every match I had. All to show her how. Lol I did meet one person in real life and spoke to a few, but I was on a type a mission. 

One night, just a little drunk after yoga I came across a profile that I knew was not something I should even entertain. Honestly I was wet as hell and drowning in a vanilla world, so right swipe and bing…match. I promised her I would say hello to every match, even ones made in error so I did.

We sent a couple of emails. Never met, I was going through a bad time and honestly looked like shit. I compare pics now and then and I look about 15 years older from the stress,drinks and lack of food.

So he has a blog. Here, I read it and he seemed to find himself through his writing.

In short we were not a compatable match, he is a dominate man but not a Dom, oh and he asked me to send him a fantasy. Lol I think that my dirty mind scared him off!!!

So in short, thanks fellow sex blogger and tinder for giving me such a great source of stress relief and sense of community.

Sadly female A still sucks at flirting!!

Next visit

it occurred to me today that this could be Sirs last visit to where I live. Next month is a holiday and he had made mention of a possible beach trip, then my hope is to move the following month.

It will be so great to be off of the mountain and not trapped so close to civilization, yet so far away. 

I really don’t know what to write about, I’m in a really indifferent mood today, not blah but more blasé. 

Going into the city to meet a couple, she’s really interesting but I’m not nervous or excited, I’m just numb. Then  a late drink with another local sub. Her I do like and she’s the only person I’ve met that drops as hard as I do. Right now neither of those two things brings any impact or excitement.

Lol, is that what happens when the bad slut feeling goes away, do all of the feelings do? Or is it really only kinky the first time? After that it looses its luster and allure? 

I’m really not sure, I just know when I think if Sir my cunt still drips,so I guess it’s ok, just another of my many, ever changing moods.

2 Radom thoughts


Guy on the bus, talking on his phone, “dude gotta look at da — hair, dat ain’t bird shit, I know bird shit when I sees it”

A random yet telling conversation with the exhusband:

“Why do you love Halloween so much, shouldn’t you have grown out of it”. My response, no it is the one day I don’t have to wear a costume.

I’m tired and have yoga brain. Sir is out for a walk. My brain is oddly touching on these random spots in time. There are hundreds more.

Best to just try to shut them down and sleep.

I’m not your fucking whore!

I just had the most frustrating conversation with an old friend.

We slept together 2x. Both times when I was first separated. I’ve known him for over 20 years. He told a friend he didn’t want to be anyone’s second choice and couldn’t deal with the fact I was still married.

So when xhusband and I broke up again, he asked me out. We had a nice dinner, no sex and then left it we would make plans again. That never happened and I was ok with that. He’s a wreck. Too much drama, a substance abuse problem too.

So he messages me to see how I am. That’s not unusual, he’s disappeared and reappeared as a friend for years. He commented on how good I looked in a picture from the wedding I posted on fb. Then the conversation goes:

Do I get a redo on dinner or am I beat?

Me: your beat, I’m seeing someone.

Him:Let me know when that ends, at this rate I’ll be single forever

I hear: your my last resort 

Me:you just haven’t found her yet, you will when your ready.

I mean: your a mess

Him:i have too much going on anyway and all the girls I meet are wackos

I hear: I was asking to fuck you, you’re not that crazy

Him: right now I’d be happy with a fwb, but I can’t even find that

I hear: well I tried a bunch of female friends and went back to you because your a whore so….

I say: for him to contact another of “our” friends

I mean: she has no standards and will fuck you, you jerk off!

We have a discussion about her and her messy life. I wish him luck on his search for “love”.

I mean: good luck trying to get in anyone’s cunt acting the way you do.


I only drink coffee in the am. Insomnia. This morning I drank decaf out of nessessity. Ugh gross.

X Dom and i’s last go around started over my coffee habits. It was our initial means of flirting. So for a while u had a real love/hate relationship with coffee.

Now coffee means something different. When Sir is here I grind the beans fresh, use the mostly neglected french press. Set a sliver tray with China sugar bowl and creamer. A linen napkins and holder. It’s a routine I hold dear. Just thinking of making coffee in this manner makes my cunt drip.

Happy tuesday

I was running through the door after walking the dogs with my one minute alarm going off. My phone vibrats just as I was reaching for The house line.

Sir says happy Tuesday as we do every Tuesday, well except one, but we were together. He asked if I had my collar on. No I had just walked in. I know my voice is automatically different when I do.

He says to put it on and I do. Then get the clovers and dildo and go to his chair where I belong. I kneel looking up as I would if he was there. Clovers on, good cunt dripping pain. Gag on the dildo I placed where sirs cock should be. Then on to the dildo with my cunt. All the way down, kegel, small circles, edges, then with my legs up and down fucking it so hard. No cums. So good. 

I come back a little and put the Luna’s in for Sir. Drink water. I cough and the Luna’s try to come out. I have strong cunt muscles and always get the suction cup dildo stuck in me!

He asked how my day was and I said much better now.

This is both the time of the year and point in my relationships when I start doubting.

After a long winter, I always feel crappy about my body and getting back into the gym routine is hard.

Also at the 5/6 month point I start getting doubts as to weather I’m still attractive  to my partner(vanilla and D/s). I start over thinking the relationship. I will sometimes get over needy or just plain cold. My cunt dries up. I was so worried this would happen with Sir. But today he took me from running for the phone to slave in just a minute.

Happy Tuesday Sir.


I’ve already been up four hours.

As much as I love the results from the gym, I hate waking up as early as I have too. Putting that on the list of reasons I need to move.

 Last night I tossed and turned, I never do that when Sir is with me. I sleep soundly and I wake up so happy and wet.

It’s amazing how well we fit.

Today for some reason, lack of sleep, allergies, or just the blah, I’m feeling down. Not badly low, but just the type of mood where you want to crawl under the covers and cuddle, no kink, just cuddles.

I have a busy day ahead and may kill the first person that speaks to me with out more coffee.

I wish I could stay in fantasy land all day thinking about the things I should be doing right now with Sir, but it’s time to go to a meeting 😦

Thank you Sir

i know Sir was busy tonight. I don’t think I ever tell him how much it means when he puts my needs before his.

I would have never slept tonight with out the pain and the o’s. My brain would have just kept going. My cunt still drips and my holes still pulse. The leash is perfect. The right size to hold all of my holes open for him. I’ve never been so happy to be so very short!!


leathers on, Luna’s in, chain around my waist and through my slit. 

My mind has been going to the visual of sir leading me with a proper chain, I’ve been thinking of this for weeks. It came in the mail yesterday, thick six feet long with a good leather handle.

Sir just asked if it was long enough to hit my clit and now that’s where my head is. 

My collar on tight sir holding that chain and pulling tight, flogging my clit with the handle, telling me not to cum. Me crying and begging and screaming. When the real tears cum he says yes, cum. I loose all control. He pulls me up by the chain telling me I’m his good slave girl.

Sir has kept my cunt wet all day. Porn toys, chains, good pain, up to 87 edges. He asked one cum now or many later. I really wanted to cum but I didn’t need to, so later, after my cunt has dropped for hours. I will cum for my Sir.

Upside to this  weather is absolutly more chains. I love the weight of them in my slit. The slow movement as I walk, the memory of sir lifting them up  by them and making me cum. Of fucking the chains for him. I need them. When he’s here it shows a status and title I am proud of. It makes my mind go no where else but to serve him. 

I miss Sir