New Day

I miss Sir.

Spring has sprung and my allergies are in full force.

My boss told me on Friday to work from home today and thank goodness because I’m like a kid with a cold. Tissues everywhere. Oddly this does nothing to stop my dripping cunt.

I dreamt last night that something happened and Sir would not see me anymore. I woke up in  a panic. I know it was nothing I did, but it seemed so real. Then I closed my eyes…….the panic calmed and the slave took over. Dreams of Sir’s voice. Blindfold on, ball gag in, just sirs voice.

My dreams continued all night, no memory of anything put Sirs voice and being restrained. My holes are begging for him, my slave mind needing him, needing pain to continue.

I think the outside stresses of this month are starting to mount. When I get stressed I get insecure. This is how is manifests in my dreams. To the world I show a face of a woman that is self-assured and independent, but I’m really not. Well yeah in some ways I really am, but emotionally I am sometimes a wreck.

Sitting at the table, wishing he was at the other end so I could go over and sit on his lap. I could really just use a big hug today.

Wasted Saturday

I got so sick, out of no where.

Home at around 3 and right into bed. Now 12 hours later I’m up with a list of things to do all before Easter dinner. I’m just happy my family doesn’t eat early.

The first thing…..write for Sir.

Since I spent the last 12 hours sweating and dying in bed I really don’t have much to write, sorry.

Just know I miss you and I did look for a hat to go with my Easter dress!

Books 

one of the many things I’m working on and have been for a long time before Sir is how to relax.

So as last post proves I can now sit and watch tv for an hour, major improvement. I do yoga and that helps. Next is going to be reading something longer than a blog or business document.

Let me start by saying, my house is full of books, my kindle, new and charged. I used to read anywhere from one to five novels a week. It was my passion. I don’t remember a time I didn’t read.

When X-Dom and I broke up I couldn’t even look at a book. I have 3 in my nightstand draw that I can get no further than a page into before I get to busy in my mind.

I was telling this to little R and she said what changed? So I thought all day and night and the truth is ….. Nothing and everything. Nothing being I still love stories and falling into someone’s else’s fantasies. Everything, well everything, I’ve changed, but that’s not why I stopped reading.

I stopped because M was a author. When I pick up my kindle it is full of his crappy books. So I’m going to try again, old fashion heavey hard covered. I don’t know if my mind will let me, but I’ll try.

Date with don

so I normally write my blog in the morning or in slave space. 

Tomorrow will be busy and I’ll set this to post so Sir can read it in the morning.

I don’t think I’ve ever properly thanked Sir for my birthday present. I’m sorry for that. I’m sitting on my big comfy normally abandon couch looking and noticing even in the pristine state I have a beautiful environment. I was taught young a clean house is a clean mind and if your house was pretty enough you’d never be unhappy. Lol, big lie. But sitting here I can see how that could be true. Today was good, productive. 

Dogs walked, weather enjoyed, everyone was out. Waist training done and I’m settled in with my date, courtesy of my Sir. The whole time I’m wet and knitting for Sir. 

Side note: the snow should stop, it’s almost done. I can rest well knowing at the first chill next year Sir will have a warm neck.

So I used to watch tv, I had my favorites, but I haven’t. I lost my ability to just sit.  Sir thought it was weird I never made it past season 2 with madmen. Last time he was here we started watching the last season. So now everyday I set aside 45 minutes for my date with don. 

Thank you Sir! 

New routines

i really enjoy routines, always have.

Now that the weather may finally change, my routines change with it.

I am very much a rise before the sun person, but not a morning person. Until I’ve had my coffe and at least 3 hours awake I won’t speak. This is a pretty easy thing when you live alone.

Now I have to figure out a new routine. I have to get to the gym more. I put on 10 pounds this winter and I must get it off this month. The dogs need to get out more, my waist training needs to progress.

In writing it doesn’t look like much but put work, family,friends, lol, laundry and Sir along with it, it can get to be.

Then there’s the part of me that wishes there was not routine, the slave me. The one that exists only to be servicing Sir. The wet cunt me that can do nothing but wait and beg to be used.

These two mes run parallel, every so often fighting to see who wins. It’s a struggle.

Last night I slept, the slave won. Naked collar cuffs, hard thick rope tied tight around my waist, bound and ready for Sir. That’s when my brain goes quiet when the slave is allowed out.

I wish I could sleep like that every night or at least bound in some manner. 

My sheets were soaked when I woke and my cunt felt like it was used all night. I’m wondering what is going on as I sleep. That is the time I’m most needy. I become hot to the touch and my wet cunt becomes more responsive than any other. It is also when I miss being with Sir the most. Nice long cuddles. Knowing that at anytime he wants I will….. Rejoice in revicieving his pain.

It’s a bad memory Sir replaced with a good one and with each visit my need for him to wake me by using me for his pleasure increases. It doesn’t matter if it pain, my holes, toys or strong hugs and cuddles, I know that is what I am meant to do.

I am a very happy, wet and …… Needy slave today.

bliss

Sitting in my chair looking at Sirs, still floating and pain free. my head id light as a feather.

I make a soft jingle as I walk with all of my slave leathers on. I am me agin. me Sirs slave with a dripping wet cunt.

Sir told me to sit on the plug in his chair, my fist taste of good pain. turn around put clovers through the chair bars and white pr on the chains, the oain so good, so perfect. I pull back on them for more. white rocket on my clit I want to cum so bad, Sir says no, I stop, no cum.

off the chair on the floor, ass up as I belong, one hand with it vibrator to my clit the other funckin my ass with the plug, I want to scream, I beg Sir lets me cum. I squirt my cunt juices all over my hand….I float. my holes throb.  I thank Sir a hundred times and cry. I cry ecause I am happy. I am me again. I am his slave.

I drink my     water

no brain jussst bliss. my eyes still rolling, thank you Sir. I feel aagain

My brain has returned. I love to read my blogs after. The perfectionist wants to correct my errors. I can’t do it. In my blissful state there were no errors

I miss

the feel of my Sir.

His hands on my hair. The way he holds my hands as we sleep.

They way I feel when he is near. I go from stressed to slave. 

When he is gone the thought of doing something as simple as brewing coffee in the morning is too much of a task that I drink iced coffee all year long! When he’s here I serve him meals and drinks and snacks and I look forward to it. I get wet making even a simple dish. Sir will come in and thank me by giving me good pain, edging me, sending me into a good even subspace. After I present him he always thanks me. That’s the reason I enjoy it so, he really acknowledges that I made something for him. I do many things for him that I won’t do for anyone else including myself. 

I just realized what’s been different these past few days and why I feel so empty.

No subspace.

Sir even when he is far away can send me into bliss with just his voice. He’s been so sick I’ve been living life in full techi-color reality.

I sent Sir an email asking respectfully for pain today. I try not to be a bother to him. I held out as long as I could, never wanting to take pain without Sir involved. He said yes and I calmed. My cunt started to drip again, my mind went soft. All in just him saying that one word.

It’s a sad substitute for being with him, but I’ll take it. I want his hands on my tits and his cock in my slave hole. I need to hear him tell me to take his pain and see how hard it makes him. The pain slut in me is screaming right now for sir. 

In a perfect world tonight I would go home, a pretty naked girl having dinner on the table, the house clean, dogs walked. Sir fresh out of the shower. Telling me to strip, giving me my leathers. On the chair, ass in the air, taking the whip, cuming with each hit to my ass. Being in such a good head space on my Sirs lap as the girl sucks his cock. All the time he holds me, with a good girl, clovers on my nipples, him pulling, me moaning, drinking the pain, floating higher. Him ripping them off and kissing me as we both cum. That is my perfect world. Then chains on, under the table, kissing the girl and taking Sirs cum from her mouth, licking Sir cock clean and holding her with my head on Sirs lap as he enjoys dinner.

Tonight there will be good pain to take away the bad and that makes me a happy slave.

Up all night

im exhausted but oddly awake.

My body hurts but I’ll make it through. Sir called me last night, I’ve missed hearing his voice.

Tonight is yoga with little R, then a quick stop at my mothers to get plants she was given before she kills them with her black thumb. A call from a single woman, maybe.

My brain went to thinking about play partners and poly vs swinging last night. Even though I’m on a swinger site, I really am not that good with the idea of it. It’s a real disconnect for me. I’ve met a couple of people that I really like and even made one friend, but for most it feels like a race as to who can fuck the most people. I’m just not wired that way.

I had told Sir that prior to him I had only slept with 20 people. Lol and that’s men because I felt girls didn’t count. I was raised sex = cock in cunt. Funny thing is most of the 20 was in a really short spurt in my late teens. I always had long term relationship. This is because I need to have a connection to the person I’m fucking.

It also makes sense why I’m ok with Bdsm play vs vanilla sex. In play there’s not always traditional sex and a scene will automatically bond the people in it. Vanilla swinging isn’t like that for me, it’s empty, void of …… Everything. That’s why there were times that I had no need to call Sir, it just didn’t get me off.

If bdsm or a person I truly liked was involved then and only then would I feel the need to cum. I follow and obey sir as a slave should, but my mind and soul doesn’t want to loose that need to be more than physical.

I’ve been trying for days to make a list of sexual partner and dates and events. I’m having a really hard time with it. I start then rip it up. My mind doesn’t want to see it. A part of me still only sees that number as being 21. That none of the others count since it was just me obeying Sir. 

In a perfect world I would have Sir, another subby  girl as a best friend, play partner and snuggle buddy, someone to be the faceless girl that brings sir and I together. maybe a Domme or Dom/domme couple just for pain and group play there’s a very real part of me that really enjoyed that first sunday adventure of having Sir and others together. Unfortunately the world is not perfect.