For our 6 month anniversary I was going to write a much longer post, but I was not up to it.
Still a bit under the weather, but I did promise Sir I would get on a real keyboard today and…
I’m really not sure, do I do old me vs new or a recap of some of the experiences that have changes me?
I do know that something I did not expect to happen, is that my D/s relationship with Sir has allowed me to be much more in charge of my vanilla life. I’ve been talking about moving out of this boro since I was 12, no wait 5 years old! A part of me was just way too afraid to leave the comfort of a place so familiar. Now I have very little fear, I mean hell if I can walk into a sex club alone, I can pack my things and go to a new apartment! A part of me is certain just like that night, Sir will be there if I do get scared and even across the miles he will do his best to keep me safe.
Also he’s taught me to trust again, my most recent ex’s did a really good job of ruining my faith in humanity. Now he taught me to trust, but not blindly. He …… more taught me to make people earn my trust. He took the time and effort that no one has in the past to show me the respect that allows me to trust in his decisions and that even though he has the finally say, my thoughts and feelings are never discarded.
Back to the beginning.
Before Sir the only bdsm experience I had was one on one with my abusive ex and some fetish parties. I don’t count that parking lot incident since consent was in no way given that night. I tell any sub that ever asks my advise about safety and security and vetting a dom. When Sir and I met all those great words really flew out the window. I’ve never know the same excitement as when I knelt and waited for him to come through the door. The insane emotions as he first touched me and the kiss that release 500 edges into an all consuming orgasm.
Since then Sir has given me more firsts then I can ever really document, with each physical action comes a new list of emotions and thoughts and dreams and it’s a never ending cycle of growth and experience. Now my intention was never to become that girl that walks into an orgy and everyone says “Hi how are you”, that’s not really the place that I wanted everyone to know my name (or at least my alias). ha, but in some circles I guess that’s what I’ve become. I still have my bad slut days, but for the most part I’m ok with the fact that I am a woman that likes sex.
Sir also always makes me feel beautiful. I in no way think I’m a horrible looking person. Years of dance and competition with other females did a great job of destroying my body image. I would love nothing more than to be 100 pound waif with a big cottage cheese free ass, but when I’m with Sir those doubts fall away. Bent over with his cock in my mouth and a mans cock in my cunt I didn’t think “do I look fat” I thought, Sir is happy. I’m valued enough to be shared. He trusts me enough to know without doubt I’m his and at the end of the night I’ll be naked and pressed up against him.
Then there’s the sweet times alone. The reason I lost it on that little that was all master slave dynamics are not as nurturing as hers. The times where it’s just us having coffee or food or watching way to much tv. The times I’ll cook him dinner and he will tell me and show me how much he enjoys the effort I put in to making him happy. Granted sometimes it’s by sending me to subspace in the kitchen my tormenting my nipples or hip joints, but also it’s when he takes pictures of all of the plates I make for him. He wants to remember that I took the time to not only make something he will enjoy, but to make it look appetizing for him. I know, like me he wants the visual impact along with the taste and feel. This also leads into any scene I’ve set or he has for his arrivals. The way the lighting is, The way the house smells. The attention to the small details are not missed by either of us.
One of my favorite visits was when Sir had me wait gaged and blindfolded on the round table for him. Ass up, no talking. He came in and put his stuff down, my cunt dripping. You could hear in the tone of his voice how happy he was that I obeyed. The excitement that I was there as directed, waiting, wanting him to use me however he felt he wanted to. It was one of the many moments that without touch I was totally his.
This weekend I’ll have at least 3 more posts as a recap, but for now, my cunt is getting wet again and my general ramble is done.