I don’t have time for this…..

This being cunt brain.

Everytime I blink it’s like a second of a dirty image plays in my head. 

My cunt is dripping and pulsing and…..my brain is foggy.

I have too many very important things to do. The results of all of my edges, days ago are now coming to a head. 

Sir said I can edge with the binder after my meetings. Sometimes the pain puts me back together. 

Right now….I’m not functioning well. All I think is damn all my toys are packed, all I have is the hitachi out. The whore In me just wants to say “screw this day” and go home, watch porn and beg sir to cum..plead and cry for him.

I know I can’t do this.

I know I won’t be home for another 8 hours at least.

I’m mushy, wet, needy and too busy to make it stop…..

Last Monday

and…. I set my alarm for pm last night.

So I was running around like a nut getting ready, luckily there was no traffic.

I feel like I participated in a weight lifting competition. 

On a brighter note I woke up in a puddle. So the weekend stress is gone, all of my lists were completed. I fell asleep thinking how much I needs to feel Sir hands on my tits and his cock in my holes…..how good it would feel to be used and cuddled.

Everyday this week through the holiday weekend is a new list of tasks to complete. I’m tired, but happy. Exhausted but I wake up excited.

Off to start on today’s list…..

Damn I packed the laptop!

So it’s done, or as done as it gets till Thursday. I’ve been up at 5:30, putting my life and belongings into boxes.

Leaving is going to be hard. This place holds memories, good and bad.

It was my first taste of real freedom. The first time I lived alone, the first place I submitted to Sir.

It was also the place I’ve been trapped, literally and figuratively. I weathered hurricanes and blizzards. I’ve dealt with my ex, his crap and miscarried my twins here. 

I think it’s time to leave those ghosts behind and finally have a life.

There’s been parties and celebrations. Even the day I moved In, at least 10 friends helped me unpack and set up. We drank and talked until the sun came up.

But now all alone, I’ll leave. A chapter of my life finished.

I came in here, sick. Depressed, horrible job, Uncared for by …..me. Now I’m going, rebuilt, confident and happy.

This was what I needed, when I needed it, but I’m ready for more.

Even with the boxes packed I don’t think the finality has hit. I’m sure there will be tears, but good ones.

More packing

nothing much to write, but many boxes left to fill…..

I think I outed myself….

last night was….interesting.

I learned so mAny things, such as, I need to pack alone. At one point I almost punched C. She’s moved 3 times in her life, and she tryed to tell me how to pack? No, I don’t think so. So using my better judgement only my crystal and books got packed. I have 2 days and it’s best to go it alone.

So I decided that I needed to know what really went on with her and her husband. Turns out prior to his online accounts he has started to ask her for kinky things, like spankings and such. Turns out what he really wanted was to see her with another woman prefferably a domme. As I’m starting to get her to open up sir called. I felt bad that I didn’t want her to throw back up the walls, but it was the only time we could talk, so returning a few minutes later…..the details all but stopped.

She said she didn’t want me to be in the middle of it as he had questioned her mother about somethings. I told her I had no problem sitting and discussing things with him. I also said what ever kinky things he made her do or asked and she didn’t. I’ve done a hundred times worse, just for fun. So it’s out there, oh well.

I think she thought I was kidding, but nope I wasn’t. 

She said she feels like shit because she has morals. I pointed out that she thinks her morals are something they are not. She has 2 men outside of her marriage and honestly I don’t think she’s ever had a relationship that she didn’t cheat. So I told her the sooner you accept that you would be more hapy in an open relationship the better off you will be. Her response….I don’t want to be a slut. Mine….holding her hand, it’s too late, you are and that’s ok. I mean seriously, she just told me earlier that she fucked a married guy in a public park. I told her it’s just who she is.

I also told her they need to sit down and talk. She needs to tell him it’s ok to find someone else. After the online insident over a decade ago, he’s lived a trapped life while she cheats. 

The talk was long and draining on me, maybe more so than on her. I gave her a hug good bye and after a chat with Sir, all tucked in, I got message after message from her.

She’s what I call a perpetual victim and instead of going home after a bottle of wine, she met up with a girlfriend at a bar. In walks the guy that raped her years ago. She’s in total breakdown mood. So a long night calming her down again…..3 hours of sleep and toouch to do. 

So the lesson…don’t let anyone help you pack!

Hard goodbyes

it was nice to see Sir before he left. 

Just one drink then we parted ways after a brief chat on the corner. He has his new toy and made me play tourist as he snapped pictures In the city.

When I started walking back to the boat a sadness came over me. I didn’t look back because I didn’t want to leave Sir with the image of sad tears, since I gave him so many good happy ones this week.

Sir joked later that he knew I really didn’t feel well because after being edged over 100 times, I didn’t want to cum. I just wanted to go to sleep. The most truthful joke ever. Yes Sir when I am better I will be begging.

Oh and I packed all of the toys away. That was much harder than I thought. I can still get to them, but it will take about 5 minutes. Plus……the hitachi is unplugged. That only happens when I go to sleep horny.

So big changes are finally here, I’m stressed and a little sad, but mostly happy.

How?????

Ugh.

My mother and c are going to help me pack tomorrow.

I told Sir I figured out a way to move my toys. Now I’m having second thoughts.

What do I do if I accidentally forget to pack a leather? Or worse……

Now the panic begins!😱

No not real panic…..but I’ve been thinking a lot about how to hide this stuff from my loved ones. It sucks but one more thing to add to the list of things I must do tonight.

All holes down

i feel like utter crap.

Yesterday home to see Sir. Remember how I said he listens. Well I really do need to remember that better!!

So sir decided that he would edge me all night, no cums at all. I had recieved an invite to a play party in a penthouse tonight and there was a chance that the artist would also be going. Sir knows the more I edge the more powerfully I cum.

In the kitchen his hands sending me floating. Then Sir says it’s time for the hitachi. There’s something so much better about him putting it on my clit. Clovers on my tits and I really came close a few times to cuming. The clovers didn’t last long. Sir told me to turn over laying on the hitachi. Then the flogger came out and the tears came….I remember saying no over and over….the whole time meaning don’t stop, but telling my body no don’t cum!  Sir softly petting my ass as I cried good tears, happy tears.

After I sat with Sir at the table still very spacey and happy. We retired to the living room. All of a sudden I turned to Sir and said I don’t feel right. Sharp pain, it felt like an ice pick in my gut. Sir put me to sleep. It was bad and uncomfortable. I cried bad pain tears most of the night.

Sir was still sleeping when I left. Now I’m at work, still in pain.

Wet and mushy

Tomorrow sir leaves and the packing begins. I will have 2days and 2night to organize purge and pack. This will be a very good thing for me. I’ll be literally getting rid of baggage from my past and although it’s going to be hard work….I can’t wait to begin!!!!

None of this can be done with Sir there, mainly because of my wet mushiness. With both of us being sick those weeks it was an adjustment to get back into my normal state of mind, but right now I’m wet, like dripping wet and if I even touched my clit I could cum. I want to be denied but pushed to the point that when he counts back from 10 my mind goes. 

Sitting at work with full cunt brain not able to think of anything except his touch, his command. Feeling at my neck for my collar that is home waiting with Sir for me.

I always become super mushy on our last night, but I’m happy that his next visit will be to somewhere new and exciting.

Odd I need a hug equally as much as I need to cum. Calling sir, just to say hi.

A tuesday together

yesterday was only our second happy Tuesday that we were physically together. I got home from work 5 minutes prior to my normal call time.

Sir and I kissed and a big hug all very mushy. He then said now I would get to cry and feel the whip.

Bent over the bed waiting as my cunt dripped Sir gave me beautiful welts. Then turned over my legs spread wide holding my ankles, he flogged my cunt and I cried so hard, I needed to beg, but no words came out. When Sir allowed me to cum it was magical. There were other ways he made me cum, hip points, nipples etc…. But they all blurred into one deep subspace. I remember trying to tell Sir thank you, but I couldn’t make ….. The words form. I shaked and cried and it was as though a switch in my head was flicked and all of the stress floated away. Even now I am much more calm than I was yesterday. I shouldn’t be because I sat in over an hour of traffic to get to work.

Sir later asked me to compare the whip cum to the flogger….it took a little to figure it out. I like them both almost equally, but I need them differently. I told him the whip hurts and the flogger doesn’t. Now that I’ve had more time to think.. When I’m stressed and want to cry almost sad tears I need the whip. When I’m numb or need to feel more, I crave the flogger. It makes my body spasm, I also cry, but it’s more a happy cry, a “I feel more than I could ever imagine cry”.

When the two are together the subspace is perfect. My stress gone, the sadness out and the happy cum slut returns.

I don’t know if it was a dream. I know Sir has had trouble the past couple of nights sleeping. I think I was pressed against him (the feeling of sore nipples against his chest is perfection). I think he was stroking my arm and telling me to cum. At least I hope so because if not I was just randomly cuming in my sleep. 

I’m so very horny today. I drempt of Sir edging me with the hitachi. I would get so close and he would say no and stop. Then he would start again. My tears and crying (passed the point of begging) making his cock very hard. My hands cuffed and ankles cuffed. My leash was on and Sir was chocking me with it, then rubbing the chain on my sore cunt and nipples. He keep edging me until I could no longer stand it, my eyes rolling and no noise left to make. Then he grabbed me off the bed, kneeling in my spot, fucking my slave hole mouth and cuming on my face. Sir was so happy with his good girl. Petting my hair, telling me I’m his good slave. His good slut and whore. Telling me I’m his. Warm safe and cared for.