Revenge of the ex’s

just now sitting here thinking….

And tonight clicks…..

I’m talking to a domme, neither one of us sexually attracted, but seeking friendship. We both accept we are wired differently, we are bi, with serious issues with the majority of the females in our lives. Trading stories of our wacky ex’s. 

As I tell her a brief tale of crazy female m….the phone vibrates. Yup, just like saying candy man 3x’s … It’s her.

She moved and on a large group text was sending out an announcement. 

When I looked at my phone a short while ago I had a text from a number not in my phone book. A simple congrats on your move. I text back thank you, no name came up, who is this? I get nothing….so against my better judgement I look at the numbers on her group message. It’s one of them. I ask her if she knows who that is? 

She starts running some story that it’s her cousin…saying it was connected to the group message….NOPE. A lie, number one million from her. It was directly to my phone.

Then I think of the story I told tonight.

Shortly after I ended it with the ex Dom, his old girlfriend, let’s say “best” friend one requests me on face book. Now I move and a mystery number (from his area code) looking familar, sends me this text. So I’m guessing that when I ended it, he went running to them.

Again girls and drama. I won’t get sucked in…I had a choice to make. I could feed into the drama or delete the messages. I chose to be an adult, messages deleted. I will not feed into my ex’s crap and drama. I have enough going on in my own head. There is no room for them.

To anyone else I would say this is jumping to conclusions, but I’ve been here before. Allowing the three of them to manipulate me. I’m done with it. 

A nice night with Sir

We met after work at a local link friendly bar with little R. Some good conversation and a ginger ale for this sick slave.

Onto pizza for them and some more nice talks. I walked her to the bus stop and saw her home.

Side note: our alarms went off for our weekly happy tuesday call. We told her about our little mushy moment. It was nice to be together.

Back home. Not feeling well I had still not eaten. Lots of water but my tummy not wanting any food. sir made me have a yougert and some fresh watermelon. 

In the kitchen Sir iced my nipples and cunt, I’m still a bit sore from this past Saturday’s adventures. On my knees, Sir put his cock in my mouth. It has been so long. I was afraid that I could not perform up to my usual standard, but with in a minute I could hear Sors happy moans as he grabbed my hair and fucked my face hard. When he came it was a good hard, long cum, me sucking every bit out and him on the floor with me. It really gave me so much joy to be able to please him after all of the o’s this trip and him not having the opportunity to get them in return.

After he was hungry, so the first meal was cooked on the new stove. We sat and chatted a bit and Sir seeing how tired I was, put me to bed.

I woke to him sleeping soundly. A sweet email and a thank you for a blow Job well done.

Health wise I’m even worse than yesterday. When I get like this, it sticks around for about a week or so. Today and tomorrow will be the worst of the days, but I’m accustom to this. It’s an every summer issue. Glass half full- I usually drop my winter weight.

What’s wrong?

i keep asking myself that exact question. It’s something I just can’t pinpoint. It’s something. I feel overwhelmed and physically ill.

I’m at work and just trying to get through the day. My sleep horrible, I woke 5 times in a pool of cold sweat. Nightmares haunted me all night. My stomach is cramps and pain. My mind is dull and talking is a chore.

Meeting time 

Tired

my internal clock is all messed up from yesterday.

I’m seriously thinking of going back to bed.

I finally got to take Sir for real Bklyn pizza. 

We also had drinks with a really nice couple. They live a few blocks away, so it gives me hope that I may soon have more than just work friends in the neighborhood. 

Yup definitly going back to bed….oh side note, that last party some girl stole my toy bag!! All my leathers except my collar are gone. I’m super pissed, but there’s really not much I can do about it.

I stink like a whorehouse

That is the most accurate way to discribe me right now. Off to shower and blog after. 

Ah, smelling good again. My whole body hurts, but it’s a good used kind of pain.

Last night:

Party #1…..95degrees, humid, the type of night you could cook an egg on the side walk in nyc. Met up with Sir and we get there…..no central air! Only window units. It was small and crowded. I put my corset on with the help of a girl needing a light.

Off to the main room. The thing I like about this one party is that we know people. At least 10 as we walk in. Plus we always meet more, it’s a friendly, educated group. The majority of the people can actually hold a conversation and are pleasant to look at. The problem still the heat. After about 2 hours 7 of us gave up. It was hot, no room to play and there was another party just up the street.

So into the car we went.

The machine guy told me a couple of stories about the Dom that runs the party and they were not warm and fuzzy.

The space was beautiful. An old opulent CHINESE restaurant. Lots of equipment. Plenty of space to play. Even a secluded outdoor space. Most importantly….air conditioning.

The downside, the people were scary! Lots of trash, lots of ghetto doms, an insane amout of drugs. I walked into the bathroom, the toilet covered in blood and heroin bags littered the floor. That brought me back to the days of the 90’s parties and the reasons I stopped going. So I held my pee most of the night. 

I knew Sir was with me and we had our own group, so no socialization was needed. I said a quick hello to the leader of my neighborhood munch and quickly left that room as some really scary people headed in.

We were with FG, her Dom and their poly coupl f and s from Brazil. Highly educated and very senual.

I hardly ever know how play starts, my subspace erasing time. 

I remember watching a scene with FG in a school girl skirt and her being punished and tied up. It was playful and cute, but the Dm was an ass and tried to stop it. I guess role play and brattyness are hard limits, but blood and drugs were ok.

Maybe nipples? Idk but some how f and I ended up kissing. That was all it took and about 80 orgasms later I was on the floor well used and floating. My ass sore, there was flogging, whipping, a belt, something really thuddy that I can identify, but more importantly there was Sir and a great connection with another submissive. 

At the wnd of the night we closed down the party having our last scenes as the rigger was packing up. Off to a diner where everyone but me ate, I just slept, sitting up.

Then home to show Sir the new place. The sun fully up in the sky. We cuddled and fell asleep.

Day 2

Sur is the most honest of men…..except when…..you try to wake him up.

Lol this morning one text saying wake him at 10:30, then next 11. When you wake him….he says I’m awake, but he’s not. So again, my goal to wake sir up! 

This time not for work, but so he can come and see the new place and his happy slave!

Empathy

tonight drained me….in many ways.

Lol first it drained my wallet. It drained my mind. It drained my self esteem. It tired my body.

There’s a long story, but honestly Sir got most of it through phone calls, so there’s no need to recount it.

I wish sometimes I could not have empathy. Life would be easier.

Tomorrow I will be wrapped in my Sirs arms, happy, whole and… Not needed, but more wanted. I’ve not felt wanted in a very long time. 

I’m tipsy and tired but so… Alone.

I don’t want play partners or fine weather friends or kinky companions, I miss my close friends. The ones I can tell everything too. We’ve all separated, one married, one pregnant and most secretly married the other with a new group of more hip friends and me…..alone in bklyn.

Drink me wants to write “fuck you all and your perfect lives”, but nah, I’m just still me, still here… Wishing in some ways I could go back and appricate them more before they all dissapeared.

I know we may still have an occasion birthday celebration, but I feel like they … Moved on