Just a little warning???

I never get any.

Not even 10 minutes ago I was fine. Writing an email joking to Sir about post it notes. Now…I just want to cry.

No trigger, no tangible reason. 

This is the crappy side that my part a personality has real issue with. I was productive and now…nope can’t even think of what I have to do.

I just want to cry and sleep. 

I was outside before and a couple went by hand in hand. It made me realize there are actual things I miss about a more traditional relationship. My ex husband was mostly a disaster, but he had his good moments. I miss …I guess having someone there. I wanted independence and well…now I’ve gotten it and it’s a bite of a curse.

I know for a fact that I love living alone….but I hate being so lonely. I have people, friends, play partners,vanilla and not. But I still have this feeling….

I could not ask for a better and more understanding Sir and I’m so sorry you have to put up with my …. Blahx3.

I also think a part of me is …. Fighting the changes in me.

I really just need a hug. 

9 thoughts on “Just a little warning???”

      1. It’s perfectly NORMAL!! It’s what makes you who you are. I become a blithering mess too at some of the silliest of things. There’s a song called Sometimes Goodbye Is A Second Chance, I think that’s the name of it. Anyway, our older son got into some trouble, got sent off for over a month and a half and that song reminds me of that time period and him. That was about 7 years ago, I still shed tears when I hear that song. Sometimes a good cry is all you need ☺

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      2. Thank you for sharing. So just finished with cry number two for the day, my problem is much more In the timing as you will see me crying on a bus, walking down the street, hiding in the woman’s room at work, or even worse in my cubicle typing and just tears are pouring. I want to go numb again sometimes. It was easier

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      3. I believe that tears are cathartic. I am the same why with crying. It doesn’t seem to matter where I am or who is around. Yes, it may have been easier being numb, but honestly, did you feel ALIVE? Think about it.

        Liked by 1 person

  1. Easier?? I’d much rather feel ALIVE than numb!!! That’s what HE WANTS!!! If you go there, he wins. He wins again and gets what he wants. To break you. Break you down. I don’t even know the dude, or you and I want him to feel what you feel. Must just be the bitch in me 😆

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  2. Tears are cathartic but they won’t help anything. Stop being lonely. No I don’t mean to be a dick. What I’m saying is look at what it is that makes you feel lonely, stop wanting it. Not in a harsh way but in an understanding way. If physical presence or lack of is making you feel lonely ask yourself why… either fix the problem or stop using this as a value judgement for your life. Harsh, I know. There are many lonely people but they survive… so will you. When you feel sorry for yourself the rest of you sympathizes. See where that goes?

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    1. Ok so first, I don’t feel sorry for myself. On paper I have a great life. I was raised to strive for perfection, never to settle. In the past that was always focused on very tangible things, now I am trying to apply the same focus on the emotions that I’ve kept buried.
      You must also understand I don’t write this blog for any other reason that to deal with crap as it happens.
      I understand you have very strong opinions on ….well just about everything. I must say that some of the comments I’ve read from you on others blogs have been (thinking of a “nice” way to put it) less than constructive. I do hear where your coming from, but I don’t wallow.
      I have made many large life changes and even the changes made for the better can take am emotional toll. You see I don’t want to shut down, that is what I’ve done my entire life, I want balance and to feel everything.

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