one drink is never one drink with my coworkers. So a fun night out and 3 beers turned me into a needy messy sub.
I had so much anger that boiled up from my toes. My normal happy tipsy me went to that bad place reserved for when I drink three bottles of wine. This time I wasn’t drunk but I “let my irish show”.
I think it was the walking into an empty apartment that set me off.
Sir was having dinner. She was busy. I also think that fet girl breaking up with her Dom might have sat in the back of my head too. Not that we are like them at all. But I left her a voicemail saying I was around if she needed to talk.
Sir knew my mind was not right and we talked about how scared I am of all of these new emotions.
We talked of the plague of the ex’s I deal with. How they weigh heavey on me. I talked of missing her and that after the drop was over a part of me hopes the emotions would lighten up, but they didn’t.
Sir tried to snap me out of my funk with pain and orgasms, but they just made me more of a mess.
I just needed to say I missed her and maybe the tearful subspace call was not a good idea. I can’t take it back. So I’ll just move forward.
For the first time I was able to talk in subspace with the tears coming hard and quick. Or at least I think I did. Damn a part of me hopes I didn’t.
I need to stop dwelling in the what ifs and just live in the moment. So now I dropped again. I just want to crawl back into bed. I won’t because I have too much work and calling out they will think I drank too much, but it’s an emotional hangover that I have now.