Morose.. No, not me

so my blog posts have been brought to you by drop.

Oh yes that dreaded, I’m never going to return to normal, how will I ever function ….. Drop.

I’m ok, my brain is back. It leaves me with a lot of crap.

See I’m ok with play partners. Easy, Sir says lick, suck, fuck I do. Sometimes that good girl guilt sets in, other times it doesn’t. 

Now I need to know something I haven’t faced yet. How do I have genuine feelings for more than one person.

I once cheated. Oh god it was horrible. He never found out but I remember the guilt, crap it was horrible. Funny he was my only boyfriend I know never cheated and I cheated on him with my ex husband. The first time we had sex after…. I couldn’t, I tried, but cried my eyes out.

This is different. I didn’t cheat. Sir knows, he understands my emotions. He said he knew they were there from the first time we spoke. 

Now it’s up to me, how do I process having …. Feelings for more than one person. They are not the same. Unbelievably different, yet my heart is so full. So full, it sometimes hurts.  Not in am omg I’m gonna die way. More in a …. I miss them way.

So I’ll try to read, try to watch tv… I’ll knit and cuddle the puppies. Lol, I’ll try to stop posting such morose and introspective things on vanilla social media….. I’ll try, but I make no promises😜

4 thoughts on “Morose.. No, not me”

  1. Post away! I know when I first realized I had feelings for more than one person it was very difficult. I couldn’t understand it and I worried what it meant. I decided to just breathe and wait. See what happened. Over time I realized that for me it was ok. More complicated to be sure but my heart just grew and grew and now some years later I love loving more than one person – in different and individual ways. For them. For who they are. For who I get to be when with one or the other. It’s not for everyone but for some it can add a richness to your life and some days I just feel surrounded by love. But take some time, don’t stress too much. You can’t control emotions – to try just causes pain. Be gentle to yourself. Hugs

    Liked by 1 person

      1. As you may know I’m in an open marriage. When I first realized I loved my (now ex) dom I panicked. I assumed that must mean I wasn’t in love with my husband any more. But as time went on i realized that it was just the excitement and all those new feelings for my dom that had me confused. My actual love for my husband hadn’t changed. And ovee time I was able to enjoy loving both. I realized that I was capable of being polyamorous. Now with Sir I’m not in love with him but there are definitely feelings there. This time I’m not so scared. I just let my heart swell. Much like friends or children. The more I add to my life the bigger my heart grows to accomodate them. It will all be ok my friend, no matter what happens. I’m glad you are taking time to breathe. Hugs

        Liked by 1 person

      2. Always such good advise. Thank you for sharing. Love is a hard, hard word for me. I can’t …. I have a really hard time saying it to anyone outside of my family. I know I should, but it’s led to too much heart break. Plus an I love you is often said in routine, in my marriage it was like saying good morning…empty.


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