Today

im trying to live in the moment. To be a productive member of society.

I’m falling miserably at it😁

I don’t want to overthink things. I keep forgetting to breathe. The sad part is I can’t blame this on drop. This is just me, no funky chemicals making me nuts.

I’m listing everything in my head. Not the emotional stuff, all the other stuff. I’m trying to stay analytical. It’s like allowing ocd to take over so I can put my heart on ….hold.

Two more meetings. I can do this. It’s Friday. (Keep saying it….just keep saying it).

When I get in I’ll walk the doggies, pour just one glass of wine. A private celebration of surviving that last week.

Looking back it was a great weekend, even all the pain it brought us, I don’t regret a moment of it. 

This weekend will be vanilla…. Straight up family, c, chores…I’ll treat myself well. Do a facial, dye my hair, do my nails. Even soak in a long hot bath. I know if I don’t do this I’ll just stay in bed, not moving. I don’t want that. I even put out an invite to female a. I miss her and after thinking hard, even though she’s straight and vanilla I can tell her anything. 

Everyone needs that.

Problem is she’s so wrapped up in her damn depression, I don’t know if she will respond.

Poor girl, if she doesn’t little does she know I’m just going to leave her the lonest voicemail ever! I’m at the point where I think I can be verbal and I need to just unload.

She will let me without trying to fix me and I will not hurt her. To me it’s a win-win.