Sir asked yesterday why I’ve been rehashing the past so much lately?
For the first time I believe I was able to fully express to him why.
Old me used to bury crap….shove stuff down far and not get over anything.
NewMe is dealing with stuff. I’m stronger, not just in my submission, but in my independence as well. Instead of denying feelings, I’ve started to embrase them.
Dealing with the past is a finial step in allowing me to be open to a future unburdened by history. That’s not to say that I am trying to forget. There are lessons in the past and those experiences have put me on the path to being the person I so wish to become.
The NewMe I envision has the ability to feel and love all the beautiful things that life has to offer.
I know I’m not there yet, but each month I grow. 8 months ago a scared girl made a nervous phone call that changed her life.
Sir had said to trust him and hold his hand. It took much convincing but with kind words and baby steps he has kept me safe and cared for what is becoming quite a tender heart.
All of the kinky adventures documented here are more than just getting off or experiments. They are limits being pushed and bonding moments of trust.
I don’t really know what I expected when I first typed in “looking for a new master”, but I know nothing could have prepared me for how much that statement could change me.
In the beginning I always asked Sir, “what’s next?” I don’t know if Sir even knows that answer any more.
But since I like lists so much:
A new home
A peace in my mind
The ability to love myself
A new openness to feel for others
I could keep going, but I’ll stick to the high level stuff.
Happy almost 8months Sir!