A good talk

you see… In the past few weeks sir has been sick, then super busy with work and his sleeping is all messed up, so we communicate, but it was not like normal. Then there was the drop and all this subby girl introspection stuff going on. 

Yesterday our anniversary I had intended to call him quick when I got in, then back again for our 6 pm call. It was a first, well since the first. A tuesday at 6….and we were already in the phone, so in the middle of our conversation we stopped said happy 8 months. It’s sentimental and that’s always a good thing.

We had a nice good long talk, the type we’d have at the table. We spoke of many things and told stories and share opinions. I noticed that I’m becoming much more vocal and was able to better explain myself to him. Not to say I can’t carry a conversation, but I was able to be much clearer when discussing my feelings. I don’t know if I noticed it because the drop had me so foggy for so long or if I’m just seeing the changes in me because I’m looking for them now.

I told him certain things I am handling much differently. I had a friend that asked for a recommendation letter. That was on Friday. I promised…. But life gets in the way. So this morning I get a pissed off text saying don’t bother. I said I’d do it today, sorry. He said “right”. The way I responded was simple “sometimes I suck as a human. I will send it today”. I did and if I must say it was a damn great letter. He replied “thank you”. So I admitted, no excuses, I fucked up. This is something I didn’t realize Sir taught me. When you mess crap up take responsibility, no excuses. 

After our long talk, gym time. God it was hard and I was a sweaty mess, but I feel like I can conquer the world because I survived that class.

On the way home I had a voicemail. Sir was replaying our conversation and wanted me to know he was happy for me. I was waiting for a but…. And at the end of the message, there was none. I didn’t say, why no but? I didn’t overthink his message, Nope I just smiled and silently said thank you Sir.

I even went home and told him that. No hesitation, just told him. I didn’t play out what I would say, I just spoke. That’s such a hard thing for me to do. Plus I told him about watching a guy get head while walking the dogs. Hey, I can’t help it, I like to watch☺️

Side note: She sent me such a sweet gift. A copy of a book, something dear to her. Complete with a back story about the author. A lovely note. 

She read the first chapter to me. It was so oddly comforting. To be an adult you leave childish things behind. We forget the simple stuff. We forget what kept the nightmares away. It was never the words or the stories, but the person taking time out of their lives for just you.

Another thing for NewMe, to read. To escape into the world of words again outside this blog! Hmmm funny in life I’ve been one or the other, always, either a reader or a writer. Time to find the balance and become both.

More later… Work time.

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