Another “u up?”

The international sign things are …. Well, not good.

Again I suck at being a person sometimes. 

I’ve been so wrapped up in my life and worries about my mother, I forgot about C. She had a test Monday and we like to kid that us together in an airport is a security nightmare. We both have multiple biopsy markers and every time we go…they find something new.

So well after midnight I get that dreaded text. She had gotten her results. It could be worse, but it’s still pretty bad. They have schedualed a more comprehensive biopsy and if they can’t get the precancerous cells she has signed the papers for them to do a mastectomy.

She sent me the diagnosis and treatment straight from the results, knowing I would understand and she would not have to type out those words. Everyone was asleep in her house and she feared if she called she would cry and wake them. 

We joked about the time over 20 years ago that we sat at her job going through the  Sports illustrated swimsuit edition, picking out our boobs that we would get when we had money. Had money…..not this!

Even with all of this stress, I’m not breaking. I know it’s because of the support I have from Sir and also now from her. It makes me even more grateful that I am lucky enough to have found…. Or been found by such caring people. 

I wrote to Sir this morning “Just when I think I know the depths of your character, you shock me (in such a good way) by being…. Even more.” His ability to see me, even when I can’t is astounding.

Today is busy. 

Busy is a good thing.

Later my mother will come over. I know she is stressed not having her results back. I won’t tell her about C. I’ll tell her later, after we know she’s ok. 

I’ll deal with her reprimands. Her telling me I should not absorb everyone else’s problems, but I do. It’s not something I see as a character flaw. I take them in an effort to unburden those I care for, so when I miss something especially this big…. I carry guilt for it. My hope is that she knows I care and I should have called her earlier.

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