Just stop….cunt

A direct quote from me to me yesterday!

At least today I’ve been awake since 6 and although wet and ready, it has stopped its torment and torture it put me through yesterday.

Edging at work to lol…take the edge off I left a few minutes early. 

Home to cook a meal I didn’t eat and get a couple of hours in at the gym.

Not having to travel hours to get to work has really freed up a good bulk of my time.

Just in the door with my cunt still pulsing like I had a hundred irgasms sir says to put some ice on it. Nope didn’t help, just made it worse. The cube then in my cunt and instead of cooling off she devoured it in seconds.

And that’s where my timelines goes fuzzy. I know there was thick rope through my slit and the crop to my ass.

Then my legs wide facing the big mirror Sur says to crop my cunt and clit and to cum. It was uncontrollable all of the stress and tension that been building exploding….but I forgot to count. Ugh, more accurately I lost my ability to speak before I could say one! Sir said stop, he wasn’t made but no more cums because there was no counting. 

We talked for a few minutes, actually he talked and I spoke gibberish.

Then when I was half back he asked if I thought that my history with my female friends had more of an effect on me or the crappy slut shaming guys. In a half there stage I don’t over think, I can’t overthink, it’s like a truth potion. So I said the girls. Guys I could always chalk up to being dicks, but the girls should have taken more care.

All that’s the past now, even c has gotten better in her advancing age, so I’m not going to think of them.

An hour after….finally able to get up. I washed and changed and headed to the gym.

Sir had also told me to put my chains in the fridge so I could wear them walking the dogs. Funny thing when it’s hot and you do a core fusion barre cardio pillates class, get home and apply ice cold chains….well, CRAMPS! Oh crap I thought my abs (hidden under a cushy layer of fat) were going to try to escape my body. So lesson learned. No more cold chains after the gym. 

Off to bed with sweet words from Sir. I awoke with a calmer cunt in a large puddle. I’d guess the poor bed got jumped all night, but at least I didn’t sleepsterbate with the hitachi again.

That show from monday

so another thing that I guess added to the weirdness of my mood was a show. Now it’s by no means a “good” show but I watch it any way. It’s based on a trilogy of books.

Now these books hold really bad/good memories for me.

So I’m guessing that added to the me I’m feeling right now. Oddly besides the ex’s these were the last books I was able to read. My mind just shut down after. To much trauma, too many feelings.

I don’t feel like opening this wound again today, but I wanted to…..remind myself of the little things that made me…whatever it is I currently am.

My mind is floating with no direction today. Not an ounce of type a ….. Work will not be my escape…..damn someone answer that phone!!!!

My office is currently driving me crazy.

Ah…it stopped, now if my coworkers could just shut up I might get through this day….

Is it wrong that all I want is to be naked and curled up in bed? I’ve also come to the conclusion that I’ve put aside no time in the past month to really enjoy my new apartment. I haven’t cleaned it and made it smell like home. I haven’t taken a day to memorize the steps and rooms, I’m iddly fond of late night paces and not turning on the lights. 

With the weather set to take a nasty turn this weekend, I’m hoping to set aside Saturday to rectify this.

I guess I’m just bored, horney, mushy and temperamental today. I need a hug.

Cranky Slave

i feel asleep just slightly buzzed.

Yesterday’s girls night out was amusing. Stories of anal and toys and threesomes, yes all with very vanilla girls, me being the oldest by some years. I toned down my stories as to not scare the civilians.

We discussed our attempts to stay warm or cool by heating or freezing our bras… Then I blurted out ” I sometimes put my chains in the fridge”. Ok, maybe that crossed the line, but everyone laughed.

Last night I dreamt of long winter cuddles with Sir. Having a wet cunt, used happy and safe. Now I’m cranky.

I realized in the way to work that I need to work on just being. I always look ahead, I’m starting to think that is starting to ruin the “now”. 

Nothing much going on today…. Some work to do and the long awaited return to barre class. 

Hope Sir has a little private time later. My mind and cranky mood needs to be reset. I need pain and pleasure and his words to sooth me. I need to make his cock hard and cry. Tears…. It’s what I need to make my head feel better.

Preoccupied by cunt brain

thank you Sir for the chat. Sorry that I get….mushy and sometimes need reassurance.

I’ve also been very cunt brainy today. I think it might be that I only came twice last night (no eye roll) because I’m used to either full out denial or a cum contest with myself.

I’ve been thinking of all of the different scenes that we’ve had and I keep going back to 2. I have a habit of trying to analyze why the scenes have the effect on me that they do.

I keep going back to the very first on with m&k. They first time that I had a woman fuck me with a strapon in … Honestly I think ever. Other things yes but not a strapon. Then the party with the dancer. There is something that makes my cunt undeniably drip at the thought of you watching another girl fuck me.

I can’t figure out why it’s so different from a man, other than I believe that somehow there is less guilt for me. There’s still that little vanilla voice that says, if you are his, no other man should ever touch you. Ha, no that’s not a little voice, I got it, it’s actually a direct quote from ex-Dom.

Ugh, I wish I was not so affected by those in my past.

I think as our relationship progresses the thing (aside from being owned) im trying to accept is that I am bi. It’s really not easy and I’m getting much less ashamed of it, yet there’s always that little peice of me I hold back. I think it’s much more the emotional part with girls. Physically I will do anything you tell me too, but it scares the crap out of me when I feel…a connection.

You are right about what you said earlier (again no eye roll). I think I may have a little bit of fear, not because it will be another first, but because it is the first time that I can see real feelings may be involved. As I’ve said before…lol, girls scare me.

I understand why you would want me to have a Fwb, but I still look at my last two and…ugh, they went horribly wrong. I think up to this point I’ve been able to categorize things into….no attraction friends and just play partners. The closests to crossing that was either n or fet girl and they had to much drama.  I’d like to think with your support and guidence it won’t be like it was in the past, but the past still makes me worry.

Doctor Sir

Fir all of my moaning about monday, it really wasn’t that bad of a day. I did all of my “omg I’m going to die of boredom” work, so it’s off my plate.

I left a few minutes after 4, since my coworker I was covering came back. Poor guy was still sitting there typing away when I left.

Then home, had a nice chat with Sir. We looked at dates for visits and we both have lots of vanilla obligations and such in August. Also the weather…so it looks like it will be a play it by ear month for us. I miss him, but I don’t want him to see me sick again. It’s much better when we can cuddle and be mushy. I think I had such a melt down after the last visit because the play party was so intense and I was so sick, I couldn’t get the cuddles my heart needs to make everything else ok.

Off to the new gym. A half an hour of cardio and 15 minted of weights followed by an hour of yoga.

Now it wasn’t as hard as my crazy lady class, but much better than most I’ve been to around here. I even came home and cooked a really healthy balance lite dinner.

S sent me a picture of her dress. Just two weeks away and I couldn’t be more excited!

A long bath and then into bed to watch a show on the iPad. (Story about that later)

Then a sweet good night from Sir. I was exhausted. 

I just couldn’t sleep…my body too tired, oddly my mind wasn’t racing, but it was not still. The noise from the ac was tormenting me. Ac off and a nice cool breeze, then, damn I had to pee, back in bed, but I couldn’t find a comfy spot. I texted Sir, not wanting to bother him, if he was sleeping.

A few minutes later, he called.

I couldn’t pin point for him why I was up, so Sir said to put the hitachi on my clit and lay on it. The large part at my hole and the smaller perfectly aligned on my clit, in moments I was moaning and crying, Sir speaking, but no memory of his words other than you can cum, but only once. I came in an explosive manner. Then he said just my fingers one more time. I floated. Turned into my back and enjoyed the breeze on my naked body, spread eagle and feeling just about perfect. Sir said to see if I could sleep, I tried to say goodnight and thank you, but… I’m pretty certain it was mumbles. I laid there just being and in moments I was fast asleep.

Thank you doctor Sir, experiment was a success. 

So the conclusion, when your slave girl has a good day, but can’t fall asleep….the prescription is a soothing Dom voice, oh and a great hitachi orgasm!

Oh monday

to anyone that knows me it won’t come as a surpise that I hate Monday’s. 

It’s the reminder that I need to adult (yes adult is a verb I do often) and the relaxation of the weekend is gone. I am lucky that at this job, at least during the summers Monday’s are pretty slow. All of upper management takes off, so nothing much gets done.

Yesterday Sir gave me a nice little reminder of who I am. Sometimes when life gets busy and the to do list gets long, my slave side takes a backseat. 

AUGUST in general is a real b..ch for me. The weather makes me feel like my insides are cooking. More than that it’s also the month that I lost many family members. So instead of being grumpy or sad, I remember the good. In one weeks time, my nana celebrated her birthday, wedding anniversary and lost her decade long fight. So next paycheck I will celebrate her, I’ll go out, buy a new lipstick and a trashy romance novel, put the lipstick on crack open the book, beer in hand and get some sun. I’ll think of all of the great things she taught me. How to bake and clean and most importantly how to be a strong woman who’s classy, but… Sometimes a little trashy…..and always to be true to who you are. Very young she told me life isn’t about money or a career. The goal was security and to surround yourself with people to love. 

Wet

floating with the plug in my slave hole.

Sirs good whore my cunt making a puddle.

I dream the same dream over and over. Tied and bound unable to move with my blindfold on. Many people all using me and Sir whispers what a good whore and slave I am.

I am used and Sir takes off the blindfold to see the look in my eyes. A woman licking my clit and he counts backwards….I cum over and over as I see the joy in his face as he spreads her wide and starts fucking her. We all move to the motion he is setting. I continue to cum….I keep cuming until he does and he cum all over my face. 

But it’s not over. The good whore in me is just waking up and I take cock after cock as Sir holds me and I beg and cry. 

Then I’m told to ride a beautiful girl with a strapon laying on her tit to tit. Another woman taking my slave hole with an even larger strapon. 

He watches happy as I beg…. Crying and kissing her tits needing him to say “cum”. He says wait just a little while. A vibrator to my clit and he puts the clovers on. All of me begging, sir puts his cock in my mouth fucking my face as the girls fuck me. I cum and collapse shaking and floating knowing I am his slave, used and happy.

Poor baby

yesterday was field trip day.

After work little R and I headed to the city. I had 2 birthday presents and a bottle of lube to procure. She wanted sex shoes.

So I (really should have rethought my choice) said lets go to purple passion. To me nothing that I thought would terrify her. I mean it’s mostly clothes and she’s fine with that. We walk in and to the lube I go. They don’t carry my normal, so I’m hoping what I got is good.

Then we start going through racks. Sir said I have to get a school girl skirt for the next party. The only one was in a 4x. So I put that back. Then I found a daring one peice lots of mesh and even a ass zipper, but at 100 bucks I decided I’d rather not bounce my rent check.

She had lots of…what’s this what’s that questions. All normal. Then this poly family started to follow us. I thought nothing of it. They held no appeal so I was polite but gave off the not in a hundred years vibe. Little R was getting the creeps as we went to pay. She had a question about the classes and I told her take the list and I’ll explain outside. At this point we were all at the register and I stepped a few feet away to look at some metal shackles. 

Then she decided to look in the lower case and…. Ugh, asked what’s that. I said you don’t want to know, it’s not for us. Everyone had a little chuckle when she said but he bracelets next to them are pretty. I said no honey they are not!

We let the store and she was going on about the poly family and such. Then she started pressing about the bottom shelf. Against my better judgement I told her. It was a medical play kit. I told her only what one tool was used for and she freaked….had a total meltdown on the street. I explained that’s not at all my link not anything I would ever want to see. 

Then she said to call Sir. Lol poor sir thought she was being funny at first but nope, she was truley scared. It took lots of hugs and Taco Bell to calm her down. If only she realized what a little she really is. 

So I broke out my old iPod and we walked and sang and she made fun of my schizo tastes in music.

We went to the Morgan and the library on fifth, strolled grand central and i progressively got sucker from the heat. My only goal was hold it together and get us both home. 

So in the train and finally in some ac we settled in for the semi long trip home.

Being at the Morgan without Sir was weird, wrong in some way. He sent me an email saying he was looking at our pictures and next trip we would do another artsy thing. That made me happier than 50 o’s because that’s what I was also thinking.

Off to a day filled with friends and pampering, then to the pool to relax.