yesterday Sir had pondered my blog post while I was at work. He asked why I erased it? A question she asked earlier as well. I wrote it after some wine while he was asleep, then I fell asleep, woke up and read it and didn’t like how …… Desperate I sounded. It made me sound lost and truley im not. I’m just trying to rationalize all of my different parts.
He said he understood that for me it was hard. I used to be just slave girl. See in that role I knew what was expected of me. Titles in Bdsm give you a defined role. He said early on titles mean nothing and I paid little mind to that. Now I understand. Very few evolving people can claim just one title, it does them a disservice. It’s like in vanilla world saying someone’s a mom, she likely also a daughter, wife, lover and friend. So although I am his slave I have to be other things to other people and that’s ok. So after a long night of sleep I’m much less …. Wrapped up in changes, on the road to accepting the whole me and trying not to analyze all of its parts.
I need to get back to a more spiritual way of thinking and stop being totally type a. To something’s there is no one answer.