yesterday started with an email from a very emotional headspace, saved to draft as I do know when I’m not myself. Sent later because all of the words in it are true and authentic.
It was followed by an analytical conversation and a more analytical email. It’s a discussion that will be had at another time in the very near future.
The truth if it is…. Aren’t we all searching for love? Yes the kinky crap is great, a wet cunt and a hard cock are a glourious thing, but without the four letter word being attached, isn’t it all just fucking? I mean, if it is, so be it.
The question of new me and old me….. Old me would have never had the courage to pose those questions because I know the answers. I would have just stayed the course and accepted things the way they are.
New me needs more, not in that needy subbie “look at me” way, but I need the intangible things. I need that much more than the whip or the crop.
Old me was content in being a slave, it was easy to say “he said do this….don’t think, trust, obey”. New me not so much, I’m more than that. I think it comes with the self confidence you helped me build. You don’t like titles, I’ve always known that and in the beginning I needed one, but now?
So at just over the year mark, I’ve learned more about me than I had in the previous 30+years and that’s a great thing. Honestly even old me vs new me is ….. Wrong.
I’ve always been me.
I was just hiding.