I spent the day with my goddaughter. She made me remember.
I was there when she came into the world, so often C will say, “she must be yours, not mine”.
She starts high school next week, she has all good nerves and really excited. I did her hair and makeup, helped her complete her last reading assignment.
She reminded me of what I wanted.
I don’t know the how or the when but I think I’m going off this path. I’ve always wanted that unconditional love a mother has for a child and tomorrow I’ll make the first of the calls to see if I can have that.
She’s not perfect, no where near it. She has ashburgers, ocd but she’s also gifted. I’m the only person that understands how she thinks. There’s a part of me that still believes in a different time …. They’d have … Seen my issues, so similar to hers.
High school will be hard, she’s promised to call and text, a promise from me , C will never know of our conversations. She will have it hard because she is so pretty and different and above all kind. Not any description you add to a “normal” teenager.
It was a good day.
I’m so tired, a good tired.