Karma and closure 

yesterday crazy m texted. She was in Bklyn again, she assumed she was taking her cat to get put down and turned out the vet thought he could save her.

She said she was afraid to drive back and didn’t have the money to make the round trip 2x. She just needs a place to crash.

Sir and I spoke. I’m not the type of person to say no … Sleep in your car.

In this blog I only mention the shitty stuff she did, but there were the good years and I really needed closure and to find out why she did the things she did. 

So instead of ignoring her pleas, I said I’ll meet you at a coffee shop. If she was off her Meds, there was no way I’d let her in my house. 

When she got out of the car… The years were not good to her. One look and I could see she was lucid and the 70 pound weight gain meant she was back on the Meds that actually worked.

We had a conversation that was mostly her appoligizing for the rudeness of her intrusion with no notice. She picked up a bottle the of wine that I drank not a single drop of. I was not letting my gaurd down for a second.

We came back to the house and talked of people we knew (never him), where they were now and people we lost along the way.

She made two vague references to our sexual past that I brushed off. She’s living about four hours away in a rural area. I explained my life is not how it used to be and im starting over, never to just show up here or I won’t let her in. Call it cold, but I do not want to restart the past.

She confessed around midnight that she was mixing coke and painkillers with her Meds and when she moved away she checked herself into a rehab for the mentally ill. 

I’m glad she’s realized her problems and is trying to start over, she has a job and house and car. She even went in a date with a guy that by description seems normal. 

When I went to bed, I locked the door. Time has taught me, don’t trust her and im not forgetting that.

I told her nothing of my life. She never asked past my family and c (who she hates). 

The last time I saw her I was still married, we had a blow up fight and She said I was a horrible friend, I said she was a crazy bitch, so this went better than that.

This morning she treated me for breakfast, her vet friend had given her the cash plus some to get home. She was well rested and my conscience is clear that I did what I could.

Seeing her now and seeing the effects of her life on her face has me very grateful for what I have. If we stood next to eachother you’d swear we were a decade in age apart instead of just over a year. 

Through this past day….. I see nothing of the girl that once was in either of us. Even more the woman I am has only pity for her. A part of me wanted to be physically ill thinking of the mess she made of things for years, but I just had to say to myself, she’s sick, she always has been and always will be.

I can’t say I’ll never see her again, but I know in my heart I won’t go out of my way too. I have closure, I know the why, she had a roof over her head. We are even now.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s