I’m back

dont really know what that means, other than the black cloud on my mood is lifting. Oh, it’s not gone, but it’s getting there.

I think the closure and seeing crazy m did wonders for me. It put things into perspective. Made me realize I shouldnt be so stressed out all of the time. She was a breathing example of crap could be worse.

A weird thing happened as I was writing this. It hit me that all of these years I’ve been judging girls based on a severely damaged, mentally ill drug addict.

It made me also see why I overreact so much with “her”. We are in a situation that life just can’t allow us to see eachother, knowing that doesn’t make me miss her any less. Up until her I did a great job of staying disconnected from other woman, but I don’t want to be like that with her. I’ve noticed that I have been the past couple of weeks, I don’t mean to be.

I still have my mothers health to deal with and super stress at work. Funny today a new employee started and one of the directors introduced me as a title higher than the one I currently have, a title im up for in January, so I’m guessing that a promotion is already in the works, I just have to keep up this level of work for a bit longer. If I stick to plan I’ll be ahead of the game by the middle of October.

For the first time in what seems like forever Sir and I were both in a playful mood yesterday afternoon.

Prior to yesterday it had been almost a month since I had any good pain, any cums or even came close to sub space.

Sir had called as I was finishing with some chores. Clamps and plugged and the longest short walk ever. He gave me permission to cum with each step. Don’t know the count, never do. Back inside, hitachi on and I floated. 

Weird it wasn’t the kink that snapped me back, I had come back well before that.

Last night he even said during a vanilla conversation welcome back, he said I’ve been gone a while. Not just the slave me, but me as a whole. 

It’s true. I can’t pinpoint when I dissapeared. Not just to him, but to everyone. It was gradual, starting around the time of the move and escalted.

Too many changes make me hide and with draw, but I’m back, I’ve changed, I’m more emotional, oddly more hopeful, but feeling much more myself again.

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