im they queen of the “what if”.
What if this recovery changes me?
What if I’m no longer able to sumit?
What if I have to start all over again?
…. This list just goes on and on.
I talked briefly to Sir wanting to discuss it, but not.
I’ve been off and I know it’s been longer than just my health problems. He even said as much tonight. So he started me thinking, thinking leads to lists, lists lead to outlines, outlines lead to analysis. Here’s where the overthinking starts.
The trigger…..mapping me back to the point of change ——
Whatever the trigger is what it is and now here I am in the aftermath a physically forced celebaite (ugh, I couldn’t even spell that word, thanks google).
I figured go on the crappy swinger site and dig through the rubble during a long boring conference call.
I think I sent 2 emails from 28 that messaged me. They were what looked like the most interesting- wrong, boring, nothing there. They just don’t understand, to me all “this” is not about getting off. There’s more to it.
I was 2 minutes late calling Sir, at first he said I was to keep a list for count at the end of my recovery, then decided little R could give me 2 spanks on the ass. No cuming and it wouldn’t harm, it’s just 2.
She chose the crop and giggled the entire time. I’ll give it to her, she paid attention, warming the area with little circles, flicking it from the wrist to get a good snap.
It was fun but not a turn on at all!
Weird, sad and true.
She’s my friend, my sidekick. She has great potential and I adore her, but not one part of me wants a connection past any of this.
What it made me do was really miss good pain. Damn you uterus!!!
What if I go cold
What if I can’t make it and hurt myself
I think I looked at that shitty site just to keep some hope alive that my doctor didn’t destroy my sex drive. But seriously, I can’t do that straight swinger stuff anymore. It’s nothing… Dead, empty, nothing.
Ugh I go back to the doctors on the 27th with a new list of questions….
Hoping to hear something other than “no sexual activity”, I cum from a kiss, a hug, a soft word, a firm hand. How do you explain what “sexual activity” encompasses for me?
It also made me realize Sir was right about another thing, a big thing, a thing I am really really not at all happy about(insert gigantic eye roll, just kidding)