Sir said to write, but I’m in a crappy mood. I really don’t like mondays. Good note, I fit back into my work pants!!! Thank god, because it’s really really cold here.
So where was I a year ago? Ugh, I was most likely gym, work, gym, drink…. Sit on the kitchen floor and write to people. It was pre-blog and my poor friends had to deal with me unloading on them directly.
I was the queen of the drunk text. Alone for the first time in about 20 years. I was hopping from one relationship to the next, never thinking is this what I want.
I wish I was in a better place mentally to write this, but I’m not. The surgery has killed a part of me. I find that I have no hope for the future. Not that I’m at all suicidal, just realistic.
Last week I dealt with the very tangible physical pain and now this week im dealing with the emotional.
So in the past year…. Lots has happened and I have changed. I don’t think I would have been strong enough to go through with the surgery or the move, or any of the really big stuff. I’m good with my sexuality and in meeting so many people in the community I’ve come to accept that I’m not a freak for likeing and needing the things I do.
Those are all great things, but it’s not enough. I know I’m on the path to finding myself and I’m no where near my destination.