I just can’t understand

it was nothing I could be prepared for.

Sir calls and says get a cigarette, go outside and call me back, I have something very bad to tell you.

Moments before I had gotten a call and let it go to voice mail as I didn’t recognize the number.

I didn’t question it, I said ok and did  just that.

I went outside called lit the smoke and he told me, a friend of ours had killed himself. It’s a long story, lots of history, but…. You just can’t …. I went numb in shock. Called his wife, voicemail. Eventually we spoke. I’m just so sad.

Sir sent Little R to make sure I was ok. She had known him too. 

She came home to make sure I was ok. We cooked for the office pot luck, in our bras and tights, sang and danced to Motown. There was no joy in it.

Later n came over and we played a long game of catch up. I went to sleep numb, I woke up sad. Sir is also in shock, but there’s nothing we can do but be there for the people he left behind.