I just can’t understand

it was nothing I could be prepared for.

Sir calls and says get a cigarette, go outside and call me back, I have something very bad to tell you.

Moments before I had gotten a call and let it go to voice mail as I didn’t recognize the number.

I didn’t question it, I said ok and did  just that.

I went outside called lit the smoke and he told me, a friend of ours had killed himself. It’s a long story, lots of history, but…. You just can’t …. I went numb in shock. Called his wife, voicemail. Eventually we spoke. I’m just so sad.

Sir sent Little R to make sure I was ok. She had known him too. 

She came home to make sure I was ok. We cooked for the office pot luck, in our bras and tights, sang and danced to Motown. There was no joy in it.

Later n came over and we played a long game of catch up. I went to sleep numb, I woke up sad. Sir is also in shock, but there’s nothing we can do but be there for the people he left behind. 

12 thoughts on “I just can’t understand”

  1. I remember someone a lot like you telling me to lean on each other for strength and support. There are so many questions that are left unanswered in these tragic times. I’m so sorry for you, A, and everyone who knew your friend. I’m sending you my love, support, hugs, and prayers. XOXOXO

    Liked by 1 person

      1. I wish I had the key to doing so. I watched my boyfriend/best friend in high school take his own life, and it took me a very long time to.. process, cope and deal with it. One day at a time, and embrace and love those you have. Wish I had… more to say or offer that would help, but I know first hand, that when you lose someone.. not much helps, cept for maybe knowing others are there for you and care.

        Hang in there, and again, I am so sorry.


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