exactly one year ago today I sat down at my desk, with a hell of a hangover, abet 15 pounds lighter, but sickly looking, miserable.
I decided nothing other than a couple of meetings was going to be accomplished. lol, plus compliance training. Funny, I just finished that a minute ago.
I knew I had to do something, I couldn’t go on the way I was, floating, empty bordering on alcoholic.
I spent some serious drunk and sober time looking at my life to pinpoint a time I was happy…..wow, I really had to look hard.
It brought me back to a time that life was beyond imperfect, but…. I had good friends, went to great parties and (even though it was mostly vanilla) I had satisfing sex.
Ha! I was about 16 years old.
As the year has past I’ve learned why I had such happy times in the midst of misery. I’ve always been a submissive, forced to be dominate.
All of my prior partners save one were even more submissive that I am. It’s not that there was no love, there was just no ability to understand and give each other what the other lacks.
Sir speaks of balance and that’s what I lacked.
So I took the dive, down the rabbit hole that is collar space. My original account is still active. I promised I’d keep it up for a year.
My exdom had me make that profile for the sole purpose of finding another woman.
Hey Sir, lightbulb went off, that’s another reason I am resistant to follow up with new people.
He was a total ass about it(long story skipped). So I was hesitant to use it. I only had a phone and an iPad so making a new account was a pain, so I decided to write one line first…..looking for a new master.
Part of me hoped he saw it, but most of me didn’t care. I then went and started changing my looking for, likes and dislikes. I never got back to writing any further before Sir messaged me.
I had gone on the week before, using the same old profile and talked to a real asshat, so I thought if I make it me, not him, maybe I can change things around.
A year later and every morning starts with messages and emails from Sir. I have my bad days, but I know, even when I fight it, that Sir is there, my Dom and my best friend.
Happy almost anniversay, it’s not 6pm yet….. More later