No party

so at the last minute o backed out. Aruba girl went on a date with her ex and bg was going but would be tied up (literally) all night.

I was going through the existential crisis of having nothing to wear that I felt would hide my surgery tummy. My self esteem was zero.

Then we looked and the train was down, no way out of Bklyn for the foreseeable future. 

Sir said I broke the MTA, I wish i was so powerful, but I was a little relieved. I know he wanted to go out and play, but in that mood I would have had a hard time letting go. Without other friends there I would have not been able to hide my discomfort.

So I’m up early and headed to yoga. I looked at my app and turns out I should have my period. So it seems the surgery so far is a success, but they never told me the pms would remain without a period.

I was so moody that last night the needy, am I not enough sub almost came to the surface. I mean I know I’m not as pretty as I once was….. But.

So now it’s time to get off my ass and do something about it. I can’t do my normal routine until 12-11. But I have to do something.

Sir promised to help. I have a goal in mind, not measured by a scale or clothes size, but a look.

We did end up going out locally for a short but and shared a bite to eat. Every ounce of it tasted like poison in that state of self hatred, but I knew not eating and turning the hunger pains inward wasn’t allowed with Sir around.