Too early for triggers

up early to get to the gym before work. 

This is an old routine for me and it works. I’m half awake and not alert enough to get distracted, it becomes as automatic as brushing your teeth in the morning.

I got up, fed the dogs, looked at my goal picture (curtesy of Sir) hanging on the fridge, dressed and headed out. 

Then it hit me, walking down the street in the dark to the gym, it was a flashback to when I did this over a year ago. I shrugged it off as best as I could and unlike a year ago the gym was busy. They lowered the price the beginning of the year and it lead to too many people. I miss the emptiness, but I’m happy to have the extra cash to put towards my other yoga membership.

So now I’m at work and my mood is a little shitty. 

Oh I’ll explain, my morning gym routine started to escape and piss off my exhusband. He felt it was unsafe for me to be leaving the house at 5:30, but he worked overnights, so I would lie and say I was only going afterwork and go 2 times. Then when I changed jobs and gyms I worked out as a way to please my exdom. Not that he said it, but he played very hard and I needed to be strong physically to take it. Lol, turns out I wasn’t strong enough.

So that’s where I got all weirded out today. Good side, I kept saying over and over, I am now doing this for me, not for spite, not because I can’t sleep, not even for Sir, but to make me feel better, to love me.

I got through it, but my heads a little crappy still.