One more gift

its one I was sure I was going to give.

I have no idea what the tangible item will be…it’s not even important.

It’s that ….. I have to make things right. I’ve let my anger and fear seperate me from the only child that I could ever have even a small claim to.

Last night was the grooms birthday. We went to the dive bar, God it was bad. After an hour we went someplace better. The bride and I got to talking. Her by this time drunk and me sober. 

She had a long talk with her sister about him. He still asks for me. He’s at an age where he’s becoming someone. Lol, she said you’d laugh as he has a bit of an emo side to him. She told him I love him very much, but it hurts to see him because if that love. 

I remember the first time we had seperated, he was still a little kid. I hadn’t seen him for a couple of months and I was at target and ran into his whole family. I was thin, hungover and sick. I just started crying, I couldn’t stop. I missed him so much. When he saw me he smiled, ran over, hugged me and then cried too.

I’ve been selfish by staying away. I have to fix this.