Just not Christmas

this year, it just didn’t feel right.

It was a long day.

The food was wrong my mood was sour. Heading home my mother wanted to stay with me. She could see it in my eyes that I was sad.

Last year Sir and I’s relationship was new and I think that newness distracted me from the feeling of alone I should have had on Christmas morning.

I remember speaking to him looking out the kitchen window at the falling snow and having a feeling of hope. 

I didn’t have that today. I had humid fog. I had loneliness.

I’m sorry I missed your call at 6. I really thought it was much earlier. Truth be told I was so trapped in my head, I forgot to set my alarm. 

So after food I gave up and slept on my aunts couch.