The eve

i always have the worst time falling asleep on Christmas Eve.

As a young child, it was the excitement over Santa coming and seeing what was under the tree.

As a teenager it was the fear of the fights the next day would bring.

As a married woman it was the dreaded disappointment as only one year my husband had ever gotten me anything.

Now…. It’s waking up, alone. Doing my routine, like any day.

It’s why I won’t get a tree, I can’t think of waking to see it all sparkles and lights, sitting, empty.

It’s not a bad year although this post may sound sad. It’s just the truth.

So I fight sleep, like a little kid.