D/s is Not a Dictatorship

This is something I believe every new submissive should read. Anyone involved or thinking of starting a D/s relationship has to know….it’s not one size fits all. As a sub or slave or whatever you may title yourself as, it’s always your choice as to how and whom you submit too. Make sure they are worth it.

Thanks for a great read Spanish red!

Every time I write that dominance should be tailored to fit a sub as well as a bespoke suit, one or two readers accuse me of topping from the bottom. Submissives are not to choose the terms under which they submit, doncha know? There’s no difference between dominance, control, and dictatorship. I’m lucky to […]


For 60ShadesOfPurple

Liebster Award!

Thank you for the nod. I really do forget that people are out there reading my groans, rambles and assorted bitching. I’m also insanely happy you are back and blogging again. I missed you.

So this is a fun little thing to do because each set of questions is different. Now that I’m finally at a computer with a little time.

From my nomination I am to answer 5 questions posed by 60ShadesOfPurple, and then pose 5 more questions and nominate others in the process  to answer questions I come up with.

I’m just going to say, I suck at making up questions and I’m even worse at tagging people on word press, but I felt the need to follow up and answer what questions have been asked of me.

So instead of the normal breakdown….I nominate all of my WordPress followers.

My one question to you…..What makes your soul sing?

  1. What is the one thing that you love most in life that is not a person?Most of you may think I’d say my hitachi, but no….I’m not that in love with it. second guess…My stinky little dog? nope, still wrong! It’s my apartment, whatever one I’m calling mine at the time. After moving so often I make it a point to keep a clean and warm environment. It’s where I can be me, whoever that is at the time. Happens to lead nicely into the next question….?
  2. Where is your favorite place to hide from the world? Ha, no not my apartment, but more my head. I an a social introvert at heart. When I need to escape I can’t always go running home, so I turn to internalizing, daydreaming even mentally having full conversations with myself. I can escape at a moments notice and sometimes may even do it in mid-conversation.
  3. Do you love yourself? Short answer…No. I don’t think I ever have. I’ve tried to show myself love, but I’ve been taught by so many that It’s selfish to love one’s self and it sucks, but it’s just who I am. I was taught no one is perfect and only in perfection can love exist.
  4. What is the one thing in life you would change given the chance? Just one thing? really? I’d have stayed with my grandparents when my mother decided to leave when I was in kindergarden. I honestly think that was the pivotal part where my childhood turned to shit. No one knows….worse could have happened. It just would have been nice to not deal with the abuse, neglect and all of her issues. Plus it would have given me more time with them.
  5. What is your biggest turn on? Hmmmm…this one, I’m going to say communication. It’s the thing I need the most. By that I mean open and honest exchange of emotions and opinions. I’ll most always have something to say, even when I can’t verbally find the words. I need to have those around me listen. lol, I was raised by a woman that self admits she tunes people out all of the time, so I just want to be heard and valued.

Saturday with the resolutionaires

It started with yoga…..I know everyone is new at some point,but when you have an abnormal amount of new people an ok hatha class turns into hell. Then I tried to do cardio and all of the machines were taken.

I went home and re gathered, telling Sir I was not happy with how the new gym is going. I went back to do my cardio and get some sauna time. When I went in it was empty….like dead empty. I didn’t complain, there was no need. After some errands and a visit to the nail salon.

So….here’s my issue with “resolutionaires”. I hate this “new year, new me” shit. To me they break down into 2 groups, the I’m gonna go to the gym and eat right for tops a month and then the even worse type….the I’m going to make amends and reach out to all of the people I treated like crap. Case in point, a message I didn’t see yesterday from ex-doms ex, or my ex-best friend.  About a year or more ago she after 15 years sent me a facebook friend request. I accepted and it was followed by some of the rudest possible fucking messages ever.

Here’s the thing….I didn’t have any type of sexual relationship with her ex until we were no longer friends and she was engaged. So she can’t say that it was me being a slut, we stopped being friends because I told him she was engaged. Her idea was to keep I’m on the back burner for the rest of her life. Was that the right thing to do? no, generally I can be a pretty shitty person sometimes, but so was she. We were young and she has taken him from me first when we were 14.

She apologized……that’s the first time she had ever said sorry. Sorry for being a jerk and sending those messages. That it was a new year and she was trying to make things “right” in her life and relationships.

Now here’s my issue, I get up every morning with resolve. I set daily goals, I make it a point (even though I sometimes fail in an epic way) to be a better person.

A tangible example……at the start of every yoga practice you set a resolve, something you wish to gain out of the practice, peace, acceptance, serenity, hell even a thinner waist line……I don’t wait until an entire year has past to try to be better. I know I can be an ass, selfish and sometimes a downright horrible person, but I try everyday not to be.

In that spirit I did not at first acknowledge her apology, instead I said “happy New Year, hope you and the family are well”. I did this in order no to be a shitty person.  I waited until the Bitch in me calmed down and said that you for saying sorry and we had a rather polite chat. I’m not looking to restore a friendship, but honestly we are both much better off without him in our lives.  He would pit us against each other and sit back enjoying the attention.

I also spoke to the manager at the gym today to find out how to put my membership on hold. It’s time to start planning just in case the next surgery is needed.

It was a sad day to be me and now I just want to cuddle with the puppies.


Last night turned out much different than planned. Originally we were headed to hipsterville. Yup 3 old farts hanging with the youngins. Due to all 3 of us having limited cash, we decided to hang at my house, a couple of drinks food and netflix. No this was not “netflix and chill”, but more netflix and escape.

C and oldest work husband are two of my closest vanilla friends. Our friendships have spanned more than a decade. Funny because I didn’t realize he had never been to the new place even though we both live in bklyn. They are both the more than fashionably late types, so 9:30 meet time was more like 10:30.

I gave him the grand tour that takes all of a minute and he confessed to having apartment envy. He lives in a much more coveted area, but his place is crap. Inherited from his wife’s grandmother and it’s rent controlled, so he pays about 3 grand less than everyone else in the building.

so back to last night, no deep conversation. Just three people super stressed and needing to escape life for a few hours. We sat on the too big couch, ate Lebanese food and watched Luthur. It was what our minds needed.

They both thanked me this morning and agreed we should do that every so often as my house is the calmest place they’ve ever been.

So today I went to the yoga class I really get nothing out of and I think I’m going to shower and oddly head back to the gym, maybe some cardio and a sauna, then get a mani. No one except bg is going out tonight and I think instead of being in a room of strangers I’m going to just do what I want to. They took a day to get away and so am I.

I may walk and wander the neighborhood, but I have no set time points or real goals. Today I will relax and just be.



Dreams and memories

so after a week of stress and blah and even some anger, I had a nice dream.

Funny that my dreams used to be dark, kinky and painful, leaving me drenched. Now my dreams are cuddles, leaving me moist. Yes, that’s right I used that word. Lol I have some friends that hate that word.

It was a very simple dream…call it a puppy pile of cuddles, both male and female. No faces just warmth.

Totally seperate note, I made it to the last episode of madmen last night. Sir was shocked that I remembered the coke commercial.

Funny because I remembered the holiday one. Not the original. I was maybe three or four, so yes it was still in the 70’s. We had just come back from Florida, my mother freshly divorced and we lived in the city. We were dirt poor. It was one of the many Christmas times my grandparents rescued us. My mothers boyfriend was arrested for manslaughter and we were living on the les. A great neighborhood now, but it was horrible back then. My mother was only 20 and my Pop showed up at the door. It was the dead of winter and I had nothing warmer that a romper. After dressing me in clothes he went and brought, and giving my mother his coat, we went into the car and headed home.

** clothes he brought included my first fur coat, rabbit with a matching muff. A Tull dress, knit sweater, tights and black Mary Jane shoes, paten leather, of course.

For the majority of my childhood his house was home. We moved over 30 times before I moved out on my own and about half of those moves were to their house.

So the commercial….I remember singing it with my cousin, I think 1979? sitting under the diningroom table, hiding as the adults fought over who knows what during Christmas dinner.

Mystery solved!

thanks to the busted radiator upstairs.

Turns out the woman upstairs is from what I can tell a worse clean freak than I am! Explains the habitual vacuuming. Her apt is sparsely decorated.

And you may ask, who is the singer planning the fatwa on her phone, it’s the super downstairs. God she has a horrible singing voice and she’s yelling about her ex.

I tried in vain to clean all night. First little R interrupted me. She’s afraid to walk home without being on the phone with someone.

Then I’ve turned to food delivery. I’m not wealthy or have two cents to rub together but thanks to a 40% off coupon I can eat for the next couple of weeks.

Then I go to finally get back to cleaning and I hear rain….FML.

Water is falling from the pipe in the living room. So upstairs I went. Problem solved and I’ll know tomorrow when the plasterer is coming to fix it, I’m more excited about my mysteries being solved.

Half the cleaning done and I give up… Watching the last madmen and having a glass of wine.


at the start of the year I had on my list of things to do …..make a list of things you’re greatful for, so when shit gets tough you have it to read.

Unfortunately shit got tough before I could make the list, but here it goes.

My old little cranky dogs. Sorry Sir, but they are the one thing I put on this list before you. I know you understand the “why”. For a decade, no matter how I acted, the choices I made, they are there. They are always happy to see me, even when I give them bad hair cuts or refuse to share my wine and cheese with them.

Sir. For supporting me and helping me to grow. He puts up with more crap than he would ever say. We have our mushy moments and sentimental ways.

My job. Shocking, right? I may hate what’s going on, but I do actually love my job. It’s not what I do, but the people I do it with. Plus it keeps a roof over my head. 

My pain in the ass family. As an adult I’ve whittled down the family to those that I would be friends with if I was not related to them. They are pains in the asses but I love them.

My friends. To the many groups, vanilla, kinky, my fellow bloggers, I would have given up a hell of a long time ago without you.

It’s a short list, but that just about covers it…..no, wait I forgot one thing…..and no Sir, it’s not my phone!

The ability to practice yoga and all of my strange and lovely teachers. I swear without it I’d have been arrested multiple times.

Long day

my job is a total mess!

I don’t really want to think about it, but I have some big decisions to make career wise soon.

My head is pounding.

I’ll write more later…….


I really think the woman upstairs is planning a fatwa. She’s been screaming in Arabic for an hour on the phone.

So last night, I was messaging with a swinger kinky couple and I got to dinner (oh Christ now she’s singing). I had my phone out, after not texting for a couple of hours the guy sends me a pic of his wife fucking another girl with a strapon. 

I’ve never closed my phone so quick. I really must remeber to shut off the alerts!!

Ugh and the worst part … I have zero sex drive. I think that’s why I’m even messaging them.

My work crap has me so stressed out that I am bone dry ( kinda wish this lady would go back to screaming).

Too much going on.

My head is a mess.