Miss you

i know you are sick and I really hope you feel better soon.

Yesterday sucked, not being able to talk to you much. It was weird I went to a very dark place when I got to the bus stop on the way home.

I let in a feeling that has been circling on the outskirts of my mind. It’s a hard one to explain, but it’s the feeling of being unimportant, used (not in a good way) and cheap.

I had let myself dive into it.

Knowing you were not well, I did what I could and went to yoga, setting my body on autopilot. Walk dogs,change,yoga,meal prep. Empty, not even enough feeling in me to cry over it.

Today I hurt and im numb. 

I guess I went a little hard on myself  in class. 

Tonight I’ll go to pound and a sauna, with the hope that beating the shit out of the floor will help.

Oh total side note: fet girl and I chatted yesterday. God so much drama, but….. She explained something I didn’t understand. I asked her why they don’t play with others together? She said that it’s because they want such different things. Him sex, her bdsm. Also Shes said that any female she has interest in that they play with together, she can never date after that because all she can think of is him fucking her.

So I can finally understand why we had played once and never after that. Honestly I adore her as a friend but….wow her issues and drama are even worse than mine 🙂

There was more to the conversation, but I do understand her much better now. 

We had tentative plans to go for just drinks on Friday. The kink movie fest is on and she’s going to see a film with him. She invited me along, but with my own crap going on, I’m going to pass. 

I know it will cause issues them. Plus if they want to go out after, I have to be up and super functional to be with my step-son the next day.

Don’t worry sir I won’t be staying in sulking. I have a couple of possible drink meets, none that im excited about, but one never knows.

I guess the birthday blahs are starting. 

Feel better….big hug

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