For a woman there is nothing more erotic than being understood.-Molly Haskell
“True dominance isn’t about disciplining your sub, it’s about earning the trust and respect of your sub so that You are the only one she wants to be disciplined by, that Your orders are what she craves to obey, and that in Your presence she feels safe and scared, proud and humbled, totally free and completely owned. Hearing the words “I’m disappointed in you.”should be a sub’s greatest fear.”-Anonymous
I found this last night on Fet. As will someyimes happen you stumble across something that resonates with you when you go down the rabbit hole.
The rest of the profile was uninteresting, the slave far away, really heavy in protocol and reminded me of a profile written by a single “master” to show how amazing they are. Yes, I am cynical.
I often look for alterior motives in most people’s actions, the majority of the time, I’m correct. This is both in vanilla,work and the kink community.
Funny I don’t wish to be different in this aspect, I just wish I didn’t need to be this way.
People seem to be forgetting lately the times I’ve been there to help them. Sw A is an old work friend, months ago she asked if I wanted to go to a concert with her. I said yes and the next pay,set the cash aside for the ticket. Not long ago she had some work issues and fell on hard times. I had her over for food and often offered to help her out. I was still on the island and had some ability to do that. Now, I’ve explained to her many times, I have her money, but I can’t partake in other things. She keeps asking can we do dinner? I told her, not in the city, but we can grab a slice and hang out before, she keeps ignoring this statement. So today I had enough and told her: I’ve reviewed my budget and the light at the end of the tunnel may be shut off by con Ed, so I cannot afford dinner and drinks in the city, but will gladly meet her before the concert. I get back….. Nothing, dead air.
Then outside just now with little R. I’ve said many times, just do the nessessary things to the new place, yet her bf keeps pushing her to do more. Now she’s in the spot where she needs to shell out cash, that she has, but her savings is near nothing. For a couple of months as she was stressed I was making her lunch, we were supposed to switch off, but that never happened and I understood and was greatful she was at least having one healthy meal. I tell her monday im going to Costco if she wants to give me some money (as she has offered in the past) and I’ll get us lunch for a couple of weeks. This started a 10 minutes speech about how much cash she had to shell out in the next 2 weeks. Ok, so I get it, 10 bucks is too much. So now, my internal voice says “feed your fucking self”
She is also complaining of having to pay taxes, I think “so sorry you inherited so much money, you may have to pay”. Well, welcome to my world, at least you brought an apartment, I just brought my semi-freedom. I ask out of genuine concern and living through her dealings with her real estate attorney, did someone you know recommend the accountant, she says no, I went online and read the reviews, oh fuck……so I told her if it’s not good, let me know and I have a guy. She says is he in bklyn?
When you have thousands on the line, it shouldn’t matter if you have to travel. I tell her it’s one bus away and worth the slight travel, but she knows best and is staying with her online find. I don’t want to hear it when she has to fork over the remainder of her savings.
So I guess I’m a little bitchy and really tired of dealing with stupid people today, since I’m just barly holding shit together on my end.
Not that life is horrible, my bills are paid, I have only a day until payday, but I’m tired of hearing everyone else’s shit, when no one bothers to ask, “how are you?”
Today really started off weird. I took new Meds before bed and they cause really unusual dreams. I was at a swingers party on a boat, but a big boat, almost a cruise ship. I recall having little interest in the people. I went up to the guy that throws these parties and said hi, he pretended not to know me, I recall saying “really, I’ve met and sucked your cock 11 times”…. Then I notice sir is no where to be found. The ship starts moving in circles. So I know he’s at the wheel. Lol, doing doughnuts in the water with this ship. I can’t find him, but look outside and we are feet away from iceburgs on each side. I jump and the next thing I know I’m in a hot climate, on a tricycle, I think it’s Florida, but Sir is there yelling at me to stop, but I can’t. I’m going to fast and headed towards a project like apartment complex. The alarm goes off. All I think is damn, a shrink could have a field day with that dream!