back at work and I really have no idea what to write.


Back at work

Delt with my ex and more tax shit

The Russians in my life are still fighting

Yesterday we had a nice dinner with the widow. Good conversation and generally a very relaxed evening.

I’m bruised and sore everywhere from Saturday and the gym time the last few days. Today is my “off” day. No gym….

After the widow left Sir was feeling better and after a long break due to my health issues he used all of my holes. I went to sleep sore, but calm.

I have a crap load of work to do…. Guess it’s time to start it

Sleepy Sunday

I woke up not too late, did the normal things, hit the gym.

We had a lovely day of naps. Just calmness and the two of us. I felt very bad that Sir was still not feeling better.

Many hours in the kitchen and I think almost every pot and pan was used.

It was the kind of day that nothing happened and it was wonderful.

Today my last day off for a while. Going to let Sir sleep and head to the gym early. Fetgirl has been texting since early today. The battle with them rages on.

I’m beyond bruised….everywhere. Turns out even with out rope, suspensions are hard on the body, but still worth it.

All of the fun adventures aside, days like yesterday are what I miss most when Sir is away.

Damn…that was fun

So I’m skipping a big part of yesterday.

Off to the pm portion. Ever find a place that is your own personal wonderland? Yup, found mine! Everyone said the people not so great, they stick to each other, but the place…..worth the travel just to say you’ve been there.

Fet girl and her B-A-D came by and we chatted, had a drink….the social norm. Off to the far away party we went in full soccer mom style. As we entered they gave us little bells to ring for assistance. They had a full staff of submissives to help with drinks and questions about the equipment…..you’d think, really questions???? Oh yes, see they had all of this over head….stuff. Cages, balls, harnesses, racks….everywhere you looked……toys. Plus mirrors and chandeliers, If I won the lotto I could not have thought up a better space.

We played upstairs in and iron standing cage, we played down stairs in a bondage chair with the mask thing and clovers that you could adjust with a handle. The whole time I just kept looking up……..then it happened, Rubber man went up in this full body harness, think a leather standing cocoon. That’s when I said, if he can go up, so can I.

Sir and I looked at all of the many airal things and settled on a parachute like one. It was fun…well until I thought I was going to crash into a chandelier. It was an optical illusion caused by one of the morrirs but still really cool. At this time fet girl had made me a pretty rope harness, so breathing was a little strained to begin with. Off of that and they had these orbs…hanging cages you could put your hands and feet out or sit Indian style in. That was my favorite. I just hung out in subspace for a while. Coming down and standing again was a bit of a challenge.

We played with many things, no other people and that was ok, in a space like that….who needs anyone else. It was funny because as we were plating I’d hit subspace and then pop, right back up, like a little kid thinking…what’s next? Needless to say we were one of the last people out and we all seemed very happy with the night.

OK….back to the skipped part. Earlier in the day while I was at the gym Sir texted me that fet girl’s Dom was coming over for coffee and to talk. For me this is a really hard thing, I really like both of them. To see them hurt sucks. They are being childish, neither one of them is in the right and I honestly don’t know if they are ever getting back together. We heard the entire story from his point of view…..At one point I just had to get up and make my hands busy…it was long and there’s much water under that bridge.

I told fg that I really wanted to hate her B-A-D….but turns out he’s a seemingly nice (yet really crappy with implements) kinda guy.

Sir is still sleeping…guess I should wake him.

Cute side note….I woke up a couple of hours ago to feed the crying old dogs and when I went back to bed….sir wrapped himself around me. You think some Doms specialize in pain, others in behavior modification, but what I think Sir is the best at….early morning cuddles 🙂


Good Morning Sir

The list was all checked off and it was time to meet Sir. I had gotten there a little early and was reading my kindle. My brain is finally quiet enough to be able to read. Last week I was amazingly able to get through an entire book.

Sir was outside with one extra package, well wrapped and with a homemade rope handle. Off to meet smg. We had a nice quick dinner full of casual talk. Off to the theater to see the show. There were parts that were great and others that you really just shook your head at. The woman had a great voice and the weird stuff….well SMG said at the end….she really needs to edit.

Before we left Sir said to put in the luna’s, first time in almost a year I had both in and that was a big mistake considering the amount we had to walk and the luggage we had. One block away and one fell out, but it was attached to the other one….3 very long city blocks later Sir stops and says, “haven’t you been wondering who I’m texting with? Nope not really at that point I was just working on keeping the other in as I was chafing with every step. I should have named this the revenge of the Luna.

Turns out he was texting with Domme D. He had expressed interest in meeting her and she had agreed. Turning around to walk a couple of blocks from wince we came. We met her at one of the most beautiful roof top bars in the city.

As I walked in we hugged and he said “do you need to go to the bathroom?” YES!!!

I tried putting the Lunas back in but by that point I was dry and my lips were sore, so to my great relief out they came. We hung out for a couple of hours. DD was over conversational. This in hind site was much like our first meet. Sir saw why asking her direct questions was a difficult thing, yet she managed to give much information. He later joked he wished he had a ball gag. A long train ride home and we exchanged gifts.

The extra package my birthday present, finally a good coffee maker. I’ve destroyed 3 since I moved here and I’m a bit of a snob about my coffee, but Sir is too. I had put together a Sir bag of things that he could use or mentioned he’d like. A collection of little things over the last 2 months.

He’s been so ill that I also got the medicine reserve out and made sure to treat him as any good urgy center would, in hopes that he wakes up feeling much better today. He’s still sleeping, but I didn’t feel him get up all night, so I’m guessing the triple script cough meds may have worked.

My original intent was to wake up super early hit yoga and cardio, but Sir said no, sleep in. He has a couple of hours of work to do and I’ll go to the gym then.

On a cute note, the little old dogs were super happy to him, even though it means no sleeping with mom.

I forgot how nice it is too cuddle and only once did he tell me I’m too hot….my body turns into a furnace sometimes, with little warning.

Time to check on him and give him more meds. BTW, Sir, drinking the coffee and it’s amazing, thank you!

A short break

Oh it’s been so long since I’ve just sat. Two days in a row with mega work outs, feeling sore but good.

I put of blogging until know because I know Sir would like something to read while he travels. It’s been almost two months since we’ve seen each other. I spend the last few days getting the house and all the little things prepped. I put together a bag of I was thinking of you items for him to open when he gets in.

I have just enough time to get myself out of gym looking mode and back to smell good sub. Tonight should be a good social night. Meeting up with a good friend and seeing an off off Broadway thing, maybe stopping by a local semi private party. I know Sir has not been feeling great, maybe next trip will be better for both of us.  He put up with my health issues for so long, this trip is about making him feel better, so lots of pampering things in store. My goal to send him home with some nice memories of times with friends and feeling good.

Friday weigh in and another pound gone, half inch off the hips…..going to make a couple of work out adjustments and hope to get back into the big girl corset soon. Looking forward to the week the waist goes down and the hip levels out. Gone are the bad hip bumps, now to just get my ass lifted back up. Gravity is a bitch.

I put most of the mushy stuff in a written letter to him, so not going to repeat myself here. A funny, as I was cleaning the house this song came on and it reminded me of Sir, it sounds like something a really good Dom and for that fact a true friend and genuine person, would say. Thank you for making the long journey, see you soon Sir.I brought out your chair and my little old man of a dog is in his spot waiting for you snoring….yes I cheesed him for you!


3 nights of terror

last night marked the third night in a row of nightmares.

My subconsciene mind playing horrible tricks on me, bringing up the worst possible insecurities and fears. It’s like when I close my eyes my mind goes into overdrive.

They range from physical injuries to utter emotional betrayal. In each dream I am the victim yet the cause.

I’ve just been pushing them to the back of my mind, but today ….. I look haunted. The dark circles are something I can’t ignore.

It’s a combo of crap in daily life….

Last nights dream ended with me screaming at Sir to leave, get out. I don’t know what preceded it, but the feeling is something I can’t process.

The masochist and the gym

I can’t even count the years that the gym or dance was what I used to curb my masochistic tendencies.  I often forget that going to the gym with non M types can lead to frustration.

In an attempt to not get board or because I was getting used to the same old pain I made a plan to change things up a bit. Monday a spin class on a guest pass at a new gym. I had dislocated my patella earlier in the day (popped it right back in) so on my pain scale I was at a 4. Still good to work out. Over a 6=no good. I went with L from work. She has done spin once and last 2 minutes. She also has bad knees. So 10 minutes into the class the adrenaline kicks in and I fell nothing but joy. I look over and……she’s going to die. I ask “you OK?”. Five minutes later…..she’s worse and says lets go.

NBD, we go and work on other stuff and an hour later head home.

Yesterday was Jump USA. I was so excited. Turns out we picked the worst class, no not worst, hardest for beginners. We also jumped around way to much before class. This time her friend hipster girl was with us.

Side not- unlike all other hipsters, I like her. She only looks a bit the part and I really don’t know her well enough to give her any other nickname.

She has recently lost a bunch of weight and I didn’t think she’d have an issue with the class. L on the other hand had been complaining since Sunday of acid reflux and after the spin failure, I worried more about her…….God was I wrong.

So again 10 minutes in I’m adjusting and the initial vertigo and shin pain starts to go away and I’m feeling like I can get through this. Knowing I’m going to hurt like hell, but it was really good on my knees. L leaves to the bathroom, comes back and gets right back into it. Then hipster…..”Oh my calf”…..CRap. So an injury, like good friends we all leave. The teacher a total pro is really sweet about it.

We go to the front talk to the guy at the desk and settle on a fusion class given on Saturday. She then confesses outside that she didn’t really hurt her calf, she just couldn’t jump anymore. So I told them new rule….we go to class together and one person hurts, they leave, they wait for the others. Now 2 days in a row I’ve had really shitty gym time and I need this to keep my head together. Poor L she then says ok, but I puked. I felt like a real POS. Poor L, she also said I felt so bad about spin, puking or not I was staying in that classroom for you.

So I learned….working out with vanilla girls is just not the same 🙂

We stopped for food as non of us had eaten. We had some nice chatting and made some interesting plans.

So when I got up this morning……no thought, straight to my gym alone. An hour of interval cardio and I’m better calmer, no longer upset. I go to leave and get a text from L, she’s headed to the hospital, her stomach is worse. I’m thinking that the days of us working out may be over.

In and odd and selfish way, I feel kinda good about how this turned out. Due to my ever advancing age I know gym wise I can out work out 2 26 year olds and it wasn’t even yoga.

Time to work and check on L.



The introvert brain

this morning in the matter of 15 minutes i internally had 5 full discussions and wrote 3 blog posts. 

The problem…..it was all in my own head. The conversations never included others, the blog posts are now fuzzy memories and vague titles.

I realized what I was doing about 10 minutes in. A little girl on the bus had that same disconnected look on her face and her mother was pissed that she wasn’t paying attention.

One thing I’ll say for my mother, she never got pissed when I got lost in my head. She saw it first when I was three. She asked what was I doing and I told her I was talking to nana. She got worried and then questioned me a bit.

I told her I was excited to see her later and wanted to make sure I told her everything, so I was doing it first one the bus.

My one big problem with that is….. Most times those conversations, great ideas, they never leave my head.

It’s getting better….. This blog has helped and I believe I’ve gone from living 90% in my head to a solid 80%😳


blog delay due to long therapy like texts with fet girl.

Her and Sir spoke last night because I was out with DommeD. Based on this mornings texts she took much away from the conversation and was very thankful that he reached out to her last night.

DommeD is turning out to be a truley interesting person. She stated last night that her relationships with female subs, she handles much differently than males. This due to the fact that females inherently have different needs and wants them men do.

She has to have a base friendship and full trust as she will open up to a woman much more than a man. Sir had come up with a list of questions but she has said she likes to let conversation lead to information, instead of the normal interview type meets. True to her word I found out much more about her last night and parting later than planned we still could have talked for hours more.

Scheduale wise I don’t think that Sir and her will be able to meet this trip, but I’m looking forward to them speaking. It’s going to go one of two ways, either they will hate each other or become best friends as they are too similar.

I still have so much to do prior to his visit. I also planned a couple of fun things to distract me and keep my fitness routine going. Tonight into hipsterville I go again, spin class. Hoping my coworker doesn’t pass out, she’s never been before. 

I woke up be ause I thought the dog was growling and it turned out to be my stomach. It goes nuts whenever I’m stressed. Funny it doesn’t matter if it’s my stress or not.

I may have mentioned this before, but as the time of him arriving gets close…..im worried. I fear im not the ala even girl I was before my illness and im afraid he won’t like what I’ve become. So in classic fashion im overthinking. I am also aware of this and trying to stop it before I get myself even sicker.

Hope for a future

Yesterday was exhausting.

I said this to Sir and at first he didn’t get it. Only a few hours of sleep and then off to make certain that Fet girl and her Dom didn’t kill each other.

They ned to do an exchange after a very heated fight and I told them I’ll come as a third party to keep the peace. After much texting back and forth for them, some things they decided I would hold on to. Stuff she didn’t want him to use on others, but he brought for her, so ditto.

The exchange went well. She got her stuff together as I talked with him about anything and everything except what was going on at that moment. I really feel for them. They love each other so much, but just can’t keep the jealousy at bay long enough to figure out how to make their relationship work without resentment and anger.

After he and I went to grab some coffee and chat. We spoke of everything and nothing too so that she could keep the tears away. By then ….I was done. My plans for last night were already changed to today and I had in a nervous and stressful couple of days peeled half of my manicure off. So no adventures, just a visit to get my nails done and a night on the couch alone.

Funny thing was by the time I got back home and did my meal prep for the work week, it was already almost 8 pm and I was too physically tired to even enjoy the silence I had planned.

Doing as promised I checked up on her via text and told her I was checking on him as well. I learned a really important lesson last year, not to take sides. The last couple that broke up, everyone checked on her and no one checked on him. After his death I carried (and still do) a great deal of guilt. Thinking, what if I had checked to see how he was doing, what if I had not shut him out and told him I was thinking of him, that he mattered to.

They both were holding up and thanked me for putting myself in that very awkward position. Today I’m hoping for much less stress. I slept well and after a long morning of checking crap off of my perpetually growing list, some fun with friends and then off to the city to have a second drinks date with Domme D.

Hope this weather is not messing with Sir too bad. Only 4 more days until he arrives after the longest time we have been apart to date.