Almost a drop

last night was pretty kick ass.

Back to crazy lady’s class after being out for three weeks and my practice was as close to perfect as I can hope for. 

We had a short conversation before I left that went something like (insert Bulgarian accent)”my beatiful one, have you been cheating on me? You are much stronger than ever (turns to muscular personal chef guy) you should go set up next to her next class, she’s my best and can teach you a few things”

I also told her I was going to start warming everyone up because she was late due to the subways (I said it as a joke) she pulled me aside and said please do that…. I know you can and she really would apprciate it because she hates rushing the class. 

When I got home I was trying to figure out why I was so much better yesterday…. Was it not going to her class? Was it knowing that the hip pain should be gone by next week? Was it still the high from the monday scene?? Nope to all of that.

It was food. That was what I changed yesterday. In an effort to get the most bang for my dieting buck I was severely cutting my carbs….like to almost Adkins level. That works for some people but as the scale has proved, not me. I loose my stamina .

We do a monthly meeting that we get catered and they changed the menu yesterday, it was finally something I could eat. It was amazing, all really good carbs, fats and protein and I needed it. So today I’m going to stick to a better balance.

I was even able to stop the drop. I was sitting on the couch, first time all week, about to watch got. All of a sudden the bad voices started. The doubts, the im nothing but a play thing to my partners etc….. I said no! Then I recalled some conversations with them and Sir and reached out to n…. Not saying drop and it backed off. 

There’s no saying I won’t tail spin again….. The physical drop happened monday right after the scene… I was cold and shaking. I don’t get that often. But hugs and aftercare was given and I came out ok. It’s the 5 day later cry festival that I can’t stand.

It makes me feel weak and irrational, needy and generally a pain in the ass to everyone around me.

Topics maybe for later: little R’s morning calls, fights and emotional roller coaster. 

I actually had a dream last night that left me in a puddle.

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