this week has been a really weird one. I did way too much last weekend and the tradition back to reality was hard.
I also deLt with to many difficult people. Fet girl, my family, even a long talk with l about m giving no feed back after a scene. It’s weird, he’s been in the lifestyle a very long time, but I find im teaching him. Teaching him about the emotions attached and I think he’s learning why he’s felt so “hurt” by lifestyle friends in the past.
This weekend im keeping vanilla, well vanilla with some kinky people. I feel bad because I really don’t have it in me to go out or extend too many emotions. FGD is going through too many emotions and I think he was looking to me to keep him distracted. The best I can offer is vanilla, I need to reset my brain.
Tonight is just the girls, drinkng wine and getting over drop. I invited m, not sure if she will come, but I think it would do her good if she did. She needs to learn to talk openly. I know n would like to play with her again, but if she gets a “that was nice” after a full on pegging scene again, I think n will loose it.
As far as me…. I really have no interest in anyone outside of Sir and the female half…..not even poor o as she is way too…..lets just say I’d cuddle her, but that’s about it:)
There’s been big big drama in the nyc fet world and its the first time I’ve had to figure out what to do politically for my little group.
We had plans to go to a party next week. 12 people said absoluty yes. I was pretty excited about it. Now, I’m about 90% sure im canceling it. The host has been brought up on some really serious consent violations and since half of my group are newbies, I do not want them exposed to that. The guy is a real pompus ass and I always got a shit vibe from him, but he is a good performer.
Yesterday I had to tell the female half, since he is always at her parties, she had the right to know and decide if she is going to follow through and ban him as well.
I explained that I was telling her because as a promoter she had the right to know. As someone with many lifestyle friends, I have a responsibility to keep them safe. I am not one to spread gossip, so with the exception of her I gave no one details, just said there are accusations and its best for us to not get in the middle of things.
There have even been threats of people showing up to confront him at the party and I don’t need that kind of drama.
The main reason I really don’t need that drama is simple, as the clock strikes midnight and friday changes to saturday…. I’ll be dealing with something I really don’t want to face. My 10 year anniversary.
I’m not upset that we didn’t make it work, im upset that I wasted so much fucking time. A decade….just gone. It’s like mourning a person. Not mourning him, but me….before him, sure I had some issues but… Fuck I really don’t want to go there right now.
He’s a real drama queen so part of me is expecting to get the divorce papers that day…..if he does that, it’s not going to be nice and his father better get out his check book.
As time passes, im no longer in denial. I’m coming to terms with the fact that he’s a father again. Oh, yeah, btw, that’s totally his kid. Whatever….may they have a long lovely life together.
Time to work…. Time to forget again