Another list

i decided to transfer this over and post it on d day.

I’m more self aware

I’m more confident

I’m no one’s doormat

I’m Cared for

I’m valued

I’m in charge of how I deal with life

I could write a really long list, but the truth is in finding Sir and submission to the right person, I have gained control of how I live. He is my guidance and support. That feeling of being alone in a crowd is coupled with an invisible hand that I hold when I need to be steadied. He is also the person I share my joys and success with.

Yes, a year ago I would be trapped in my head, drinking, crying and generally a mess. Today I’m not. Sure I can look back as I did on Tuesday and mourn for all of the lost time, but I only did that because life is so much better now.

When I was at my lowest, I thought, When was I happy? When I was me, funny that was all the way back in senior year of high school. When I dress as I wanted, went to clubs and cut loose, when I had put together a group of misfit friends that all bonded, when I had the confidence to live and not be ashamed. Also when I excelled in every aspect of my life, work, school, art…..relationships. The difference is now I’m an adult and I know that this is my future. I’m learning to finally live in the moment, that is the only way to find peace.

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