Yoga day

that means (at least in nyc) every yoga class is packed.

I thought of going to the solstice event, but there was no telling just how good my hip would be.

Plus I have this weird obsession with routines. Almost superstitious. You see my last yoga class before the hip shot was hippy guy, so that crazy voice in my head demanded that I start back with hippy guy. The completion of a circle. Plus it gives my analytic side the ability to compare, did the pain go away, have I gotten any stronger and so on.

The problem was with so many people I was trapped in a sea of first timers. I have no issue and even tell people it’s a great starter class, but…. It means that you have to be aware of your surroundings. I’m not good at that, as I normally do most of his practice with my eyes closed. Luck was on my side last night because I almost took a foot to the face! She misses by a fraction of an inch. A year ago, that would have started a fight.

I waited until the end of the class and pulled the woman aside, explainng she needed to start at the top of her mat, if not she risked hurting herself and showed her the difference. I left out the door to the face part….. 

So I didn’t get the super zen im used to, but I had no pain and I was much stronger than last week:)

Where did all the Goth Girls Go-Part2

Yes, it took me a bit to get back to Saturday night’s story.

After my O’s and cuddles, I became a much nicer calmer me. Sir said I could have one more spanking, but just edges. He was still sick and it was already 2 am. FGD had a line of willing subs to take care of.

Then there was N, all she ever says is “I’m not playing”, HA! What a laugh. She has a total of two hours max of will power, so not long after those beautiful gloves were being used on her.

The party itself was small and just people that really know each other. I had a very long chat with the cute hair girl regarding our vanilla friend. she’s going though some really bad times with her family and we are planning to kidnap her and take her on a girls day down to the shore to make her remember we care.

I also had another conversation with the male half about him wanting me to Dom the female half. Turns out he is amazed at how much she likes me. I guess kinda like yours truly, she keeps people at arms length and for as much as she wants and enjoys a connection, she hardly ever has one. He said that he knows that it’s something she has wanted, but had never found the right person. Then because he’s a “domly Dom” he turned to N and asked if she knew how to use a strapon and if she was interested in participating. That was half a joke and half not. We explained that we don’t play together. We are just friends and that in our group, the play he sees in public, is really all that there is. We are all too god of friends to let the emotions of private play and messy realtionships ruin what we’ve managed to build.

I know in theory N and the others like L&M understand this, but they didn’t live through what happened back around the holidays. I don’t want to see another group of friends devolve like that.

I’m sure I missed a hundred other little things, but as the night wrapped up FGD told me he really liked that place. Then he laughed and said, no, it’s not the place but the people. I did get that other spanking with no cums. He had at least 4 scene’s and plenty of aftercare. His FWB was also very happy and they left with big smiles on. I think that’s one of the best parts about putting these nights together, seeing everyone so happy as they head home.

The three girls in the care….we headed home as the sun came up. Bible girl thanked me for taking her under my wing and showing her such a good and safe time. Plus it had been years since she had broken dawn because she was out having fun.

I managed to get three hours of sleep before I was up and heading back to the gym. That whole I need a spanking so I can sleep thought, totally wrong. That afternoon L&M picked me up and we headed to Folsom East. I had 3 goals for the day. First as Sir commanded I was to take a topless photo (it’s totally legal in NYC), second say hi to the couple, and last……buy a flogger. The flogger is a story for another post.

As soon as we got in, it was clear this was not at all like the Cali event and I was one of 5 (Yes, I counted) females there. Luckily I knew three out of the four, so saying Hi to the couple was easy. As I said Hi, there was a small break in the crowd, so I made L’s day and handed him the phone, saying take a pic and flashed him.

It was hot and the vendors were too expensive and the shows were geared towards a different group of kinksters, so we left.

As we were going we past an entrance to the high-line. I mentioned I had never been and even with my knee felling off and my patella brace hidden under my dress we made the climb up. We didn’t last long, but when I get a free day, I’d really like to go alone and walk the entire thing alone. It’s a great place to be alone in the crowd.



I was going to continue the story of this weekend, but I really need to be sitting at my computer not typing on this little phone.

I feel like I have a hangover, even though I drank not an ounce since the one glass of wine early Saturday. I’m just exhausted and I still have so much to do.

It’s just little stuff, but it requires me moving. So I may have over did it a little with my constant plans. Every day this week im busy… I need to slow down a little…. 

Where did all the goth girls go? a prelude

I skipped a really big part of yesterday.

When I don’t hit the reset button on the masochistic side of me, the hyper type A is allowed to run rampant. This means sleep is something just out of reach, so with no more than four hours the last 4 days or so, I had a game plan.

Get up, gym an hour (fucking scale), head to the beach. Oh and buy a new bikini top, because the other one left the most dreadful tan lines and find a garter-belt (story aside, almost killed little R). On to the crowded long …long, yes, really long bus ride. Get off in russia to by far the most beautiful day. I laid out for an hour, evening out the white spots thanks to the top and sand storm the other week and then started my walk to see the mermaids.

I got there and wanted to get to the other side where the food and drinks were but I was about 5 minutes to late. A very nice tall guy from out of state took pity on my height issue and allowed me to go in front of him after hearing Sir and I’s conversation.

I explained that my boyfriend lived out of town and was too sick to make it in, so I came alone just to send him some pictures of mermaid boobs to cheer him up. He laughed and with his help by the end I was all the way at the police barrier.

It was ok, got a couple of ok pics and sent Sir some Hail Mary Video.

The notable part of the day was walking back. I was very much in my own little music filled walking world, when I saw the most striking woman ever. Ha, and of course it is someone thanks to Fet and many other shows and parties I know of. She had an aura that was …..indescribable. She’s neither D or S, she is a professional rope bottom and ex dancer and so many other things. Her pictures really do her not an ounce of justice. They were (no, he was) in a heated conversation so stopping to say hi would have been totally rude, plus, hell I looked like crap. So I knew I would see them later at the party. Not sticking around long enough to socialize I sent a note today complimenting the scene last night.

When she bottoms her entire persona changes and she becomes soft. He becomes the star. I’m so happy I could see them off the stage to see how the “real” people actually are.

I came home to a couple of short calls with Sir, an even shorter nap and off to the parties

Where did all the goth girls go?

I found them!!!

lol, that was my thought as I entered the event last night. It was very much what I told Sir I thought it would be. The venue was something that dreams are made of. You walked in and kind of had your breath taken away.

It was much more show than anything else and as I stood there looking around, I started to see 2 groups of familiar faces. The first, basically the NYC kink royalty and the second (I could not have guessed) people I knew from old days in the club scene and from the goth clubs. N looked at me and said, “all the goth kids grew up?” ha! Yes, true. We watched stunning rope and that’s when I looked at her and said “this will be good for tops 2 hours and then we need to go. I think she was a bit surprised by that, and an hour later she was the first to say let’s leave.

It brings me back to a much conversation about S&M. Yes, stand and model. Very funny thing is I’m standing there next to a woman with no less than a grand of latex on in my $32 dollar outfit, being just as S&M as her 🙂

At that point N and bible girl agreed, we’d had enough, yes I’m sure it was in ways a play party, but with 200 people and very limited play space, if we stayed all we would get is hurt feet. We told FGD and his new FWB that we needed to go, he still wanted to enjoy the visuals so he promised to meet up with us in a little bit. As we left I found the hidden play areas, but they were packed and the lines to get in were long.

I still think that this is an event that Sir would want to experience, but now I know as soon as we go in head right for the playroom, the sights can wait.

Bible girl being new to these events and her main point of party refernece being paddles I explained that where we were heading was much more like that favorite neighborhood bar, think cheers. So we traveled from the swanky night spot over to a place more like home.


When we got there it was pretty empty and bible girl looked at me like, “really?” fast forward 10 minutes and after introducing her to literally every person there, she understood why we left the other place. As is the norm, with in minutes everyone there was involved in some sort of play and that’s when she realized she had stepped into a group that as friendly as they are, was full of long time play partners and smaller groups of real friends.

There were many funny things and conversations that happened, but the most important… pearly white ass is not longer so shiny. As promised FGD came in not far behind us saying his palm was getting rather twitchy. We told him he had a line of three waiting already, but knowing how long I had waited I got to go first. It was so weird, I love pain and there are times that a bare hand is more than enough to get me begging to cum. I was begging on the warm up. The second the first semi-hard hit came the tears came and I hot subspace pretty hard many times. Another good thing is I have earned the status at this party to use my phone. So N told me as soon as the warm up was done, he told her get her phone.

I called and Sir said more edges and to call back in 5 minutes, a second later a text came through that said call in 3. God I must have sounded needy and FGD had nothing but respect in Sir making me wait just a little. When I came all the anger and stress and the rest of the shit I was holding onto for the last few weeks floated away. As we did the last time, there was aftercare and I’m getting much better at being ok with that.

So many other little things happened it’s really hard to recall….guess I’ll write a part 2 later



Sia and Scared Girls

So something I’ve been running into more often than not, since I started on the journey will Sir, scared girls.

I’m lucky in the sense that I too am one of them, but I have him to guide me and give me the much needed pep talk or even more needed command at times.

You may thing, what does this have to do with Sia??? Well, I’ll tell you, this bitch of a song has haunted me everywhere I go the last day and a half.

So let’s start with Cane girl. See I don’t think she expected to feel what she did at the anniversary party. So now I hear from her intermittently and it’s frustrating and complicated and I get it. Problem is when people are busy figuring themselves out, they forget that they are fucking with peoples feelings.

I am a person. I had/have feelings.

Don’t think you can ghost and then “time makes the heart grow fonder” because I am an example that it is quite the opposite. I get angry, pissed and I go cold. This is something that no matter what, Sir can not change.

I debated on weather to write this or just swallow it and move on. I don’t need the bitterness of leaving this unaddressed. He’s taught me better than that. So lesson, when you close a chapter of your life, don’t try to reopen it a year later and expect the person to respond kindly.

Rope Night

So a mere 10 blocks away from my house is a monthly private “friends” only party.

It’s an understatement to say I’ve been reluctant to go, so when the female half of the couple said she was going and I should stop by I had my reservations. Knowing it was so close to home, I reached out to the party throwers and got the ok to come. I’ve traveled in the same circles as them for a very long time and BG is now very much their third, so I had no worries that they would say yes.

I stopped at a store that sells all unusual kinds of dollar candy and since the hostess is a brat, what better way to say thanks than a bag of candy. I also made my new 20 calorie drinks and they were a big hit, since rope bunnies are always on diets.

The two of us hung out the whole night, just watching the rope. She got a little drunk, just drinking mostly vodka, I would have been worried, but she was traveling with her baby girl, so someone was there to make sure she got home safe. It’s really weir thinking that someone else had to do the miserable 3 train ride home, just glad it wasn’t me.

I also met a really friendly and down to earth sadist CM. We bonded as most smokers do over our need to step out for a smoke in mid party. The three of us had a long talk of parties and dynamics. It’s funny because up until last night I didn’t know that she isn’t poly. I would have thought with both of their outside relationships that would be a title they would use. Her explanation is she only loves one person at a time and that’s one of the most honest things I’ve ever heard.  We also spoke of the fact that separating BDSm from sex is not possible for us (thank god). I told her about Domme D and her brutal lack of arousal or emotional connection. I mean I get it, you don’t have to love me, but god damn you just beat me for an hour, at least did I make you wet? I believe I actually said that to much laughter.

Cm told me about this private club that has really nice play parties and showed me some picks. Very upscale and I thought Sir would really like this. I shared my plans of tonight’s event and he was super interested, so I said sure, if we he can get a ticket at this late time, he is more than welcome to join us.  When we went back up he had a rope scene with BG and we went to watch one of the prettiest suspensions I’ve seen to date. The more I meet rope people the more set I am on having one person tie me. He does pretty rope, takes his time and always makes sure to grab that very pretty pick. The host was mocking him for that, since his rope is much more about being sadistic than artsy.

There was also a tit torture rope thing with purple boobs and lots of bruises. Really still not my thing and I’m going to check on the girl later, because damn that’s going to hurt for a long time to come.

I was pretty happy Sir didn’t come to that, I don’t think he would have had a good time. I know that much later the party changes to full play, but there was no way I was sticking around for that. The only person I had interest in was way to drunk to play and if history stands it tends to get bloody. That’s also something I’m still not so good with.

So all in all it was not what I expected, but the company and environment calmed me down. Sir was expecting me to go and get a good spanking to reset me, but instead some good conversation and being in a small place with so many like minded people did close to the same thing. I’m still a little edgy, I know this because I couldn’t sleep long. I finally solved the insomnia mystery. It’s the masochistic side of me. When I don’t get good pain, my body says screw you, you don’t get sleep either!!!!



Tgif- take 2

ugh…warning …. This will be mostly a rant rather than a post.

I woke up way too early. Went to the gym at 6 am. Gained a fucking pound and a half inch on my waist. My brain knows I had the shot and im getting my period, but fuck, I really still worked hard this week:(

Then I come into work and see someone forwarded me a 9am meeting at 5pm last night. I had talked to this passive Agressive fuck on Monday and told her, this has nothing to do with me, so she waited until I signed off for the night. I had no choice but to join since every director and vp were included. So I did what I knew was best I called in so no one would see the bitter look of death stare I would have given her.

As the meeting wrapped up I sent her, her boss and my people an email. Basically telling her she’s a fucking idiot im the coldest most professional way.

The point, all the crap she wants was documented last year. She had no request for anything new, therefore no one was assigned to it.

I told my boss and her reaction is the reason I still work her. “What a stupid bitch” she went on to say how passive Agressive her meeting invite was and she was shocked I bothered to call in. I confessed i dos it so she couldn’t bad mouth me to the hire ups and to call her out about her lack of a request.

Ps half a day done and still no formal request.

That is all just the surface stuff.

Inside my mind is fucking screaming. Funny it’s only been a few weeks but the lack of anything but bad pain has me to the point of snapping.

Little R will probably be the reciever of my anger today.

If she shows up, that is. This will be time 7 she’s made plans and Ive carved exactly one hour out for her just in case she decides to bail again.

What im most afraid im going to say to her? I’m not your fucking mommy, I don’t fuck you and you don’t fuck me, so stop sucking all of my energy out. By this I mean the never ending calls. Every morning she’d call. Now that she has a new job she still does, but can’t understand since she leaves earlier, im in the shower! She acctually told me I should get ready earlier so I was able to pick up…, really? That and im still talking her off a ledge every day, no thank yous or anything. Just back handed compliments. Worst, if I ever call her, voicemail, that’s what I get.

My only saving grace is that I have a slow day now, after the mornings issues, no meetings, all my documents are done…..

I have nothing but great plans this weekend and im hoping with just a little stress relief, my mood will improve later, if not, watch out world….

Better days ahead

I woke up this morning after working until 2-something am. The pain is gone and I’m going to try very hard to not over do things. The problem is when I feel good I think I’m indestructible.

Proof- last night I had in the back of my mind that I would be ok to play. My rational side took over and changes plans to a vanilla dinner and it turns out we had just as much fun. I’m going to stop into a party near me tomorrow house to say hi and maybe if I’m still felling well a small amount of play, left cheek only:)

Funny that the male half of the couple when he learned of a scene he had missed that I had very sensually and sexually dommed my vanilla friend. When he heard about it I saw the light go on in his head. He followed up with “are you proficient in using a strap-on?” It didn’t take a rocket scientist to see where that was going. They had gone away and did a little exploring of her sub side. She only subs to him and he felt that if it was done in a sensual way she would enjoy it with another woman, so he later took me aside and asked if I would peg her, saying don’t answer, just think about it. D types and their damn mind fucks.

So something to discuss with Sir later. If he says yes, I won’t happen for a bit, since my raging masochist needs to be calmed.

Hmmm, what else? Sir due to illness won’t be coming up this weekend as planned. It is for the best, but we really had a good few days mapped out. He wants me to keep the plans and part of me wants to as well, but I know that at certain points I will feel an overwhelming amount of guilt for not cancelling. I will take him many pics, in hopes that he will feel included. Just please know Sir just a year ago I would not have the courage to do even one of these weekend things without you. I will still feel you holding my hand, but I will also know that this is who I am and what I enjoy, with only minor nerves and guilt.