I was really caught off gaurd. Normally it takes almost a week for the emotional drop to set in. So as I was talking to Sir and getting ready for the longest bus ride of my life, boom….drop. Fuck I was so sad. Somehow I managed not to cry, but ugh, I had no choice but to go to this BBQ.
I had given little R a talk and I needed to make sure she followed through.She’s been with her asshat boy friend now for about 7 years and he has no idea who the real R is. She acts totally different when he is around and amazingly he was going to be there. He never does anything with her or her friends, so this was a big deal. I told her she needs to stop being someone else just because he’s there and basically fuck him and the horse he rode in on if he doesn’t like it.
It was funny, here I am a good decade or more older than just about everyone there and I stroll up in a really bright orangy red open back sun dress and an old chinese lady bag/cart full of all different types of alcohol. I made sure I had something for the 2 hosts, little R, my friend A and her boyfriend and of course me. The “children” were speachless. Out of the blue and after 3 drinks little R starts talking about the time I took her to the club. I was like “fuck, this was not what I meant” but with full on drop, wine and my ass and back really starting to throb, I could care less that she was outing me to her boyfriend. Then he pipes in saying he went to some club that closed a while ago and watched a flogging scene.
Guess there’s some things that Little R doesn’t know about him. I told her see what happens when you stop trying to change yourself for others. Unfortunately him being open didn’t last long and as she made a couple of her normal off colored remarks he would give her super judgey looks. She had said something about blue balls and L and I didn’t react at all. He looked at us and said “really, nothing?” I said nope, that’s a tame Monday morning before coffee remark from her.
We stayed for about 4 hours and then they walked me back to the bus stop. They live at about the half way mark, so I hopped in their cab since the bis was no where near. Little R really not wanting the lecture she was going to get about her “bad” behavior walked and waited with me for the bus. I told her not to say sorry. It’s about time she let him know who she really was. Around him she is a dour girl, quiet and reserved. That’s not her. Plus she didn’t make an ass of herself, she was in a pretty good mood and relatively well behaved.
When I got home I told her sorry I was not more fun but I was dropping pretty hard. She said she had known and that was one of the reasons she followed through with the behavior modification. I had shown her the marks left by Friday and she was in awe.
N was going to come by last night, but I told Sir I just needed sleep. So by 11 pm I was in bed getting tucked in. I’m up and ready for the gym, feeling much more myself with just a little sadness around the edges.What I found much more different about this drop was the amount of physical pain I had. Normally I get the emotional baggage that comes up, but this time I managed to keep my gratefulness for the life I had, but it felt like my joints were ripping apart.
I’ll check in with R later to see how her night went, I’m guessing he dropped it or the fucked like rabbits, because I got no overnight calls to come over……