My heart is broken

i guess it’s taking its que from my body.

Today at work I couldn’t sit. I sneezed and screamed. That’s how bad the pain was. I say “was” lightly.

My boss couldn’t believe how bad I looked and how hard it was for me to walk. 

So in the time I had set aside for my blog, I used it to find a chiropractor near my new home. The first one was a shady fuck, as soon as they said well it’s 50 bucks blahx3.., I have great health insurance. So I informed the woman that “didn’t know” if the doctor was i network, that I’d call and find out. Ps, he wasn’t so I got four numbers from the rep at my insurance.

So I called 3, no answer, then the fourth, the sweetest lady answers the phone, said she would call the insurance, verify and called back 3 minutes later…. I finally had a noon appointment.

I have a coworker demand to drive me and I get to the office in tears from getting in and out of her rather large suv.

I enter to the sound of meditation music and a sweet smile on the receptionist. As I fill out the paperwork I appoligized for hovering at the counter, as im not able to sit. She informed me that’s exactly why the counter was that height.

The Chiro comes out and is talking yoga with the woman leaving. So I tell her she has another yoga injury. Turns out the other woman taught yoga, her next client was her mom and after that the receptionist…, she had breast cancer and during the treatments broke her back. This was no car accident/workers comp factory. 

She asked questions and when I told her most injuries were from dance the first thing she asked was hoe old were you when they put you “on pointe” I laughed and said four…. Yes that was the first time… 

She told me her history and that unlike most chiropractors she didn’t want to see my three to four times a week, that would mean she failed to make me better. She could not believe how bad my back was and adjusted me from my neck to the tips of my toes. During this she found the trigger point I looked for all last night, it was on the side that didn’t hurt and it shot into my right pelvis causing the muscle to visibly spasm. As I got up, the muscle cramp in my side was gone, she warned me when I stood the pain may have moved and holy fucking Christ …. It went straight to my lower back, both side. I thought I would collapse, then I cried. 

During the adjustment she gave me a visual meditation… She tried everything to ease the pain.

Even with the pain still there…. At least it was where is was supposed to be. She gave me her personal cell and told me to ca of I had any questions, or just needed a pep talk. She said many times, I can see you push too hard, you need to cut back, not what you do but how, push 20% less so you get the pose petfect. Also that if my form was good I would not have fallen out of position did to a hot flash and I know she’s right.

As I left I looked and just knew I’d been there before, that building…. I caught the marble staircase out of the corner of my eye and it clicked….rope night!!! That was the building the rope party was in. I wondered how his downstairs neighbor never complained, easy since it was her office!!

So back home and I must have cried at least 20 times… Every move Id pure pain, until the muscle relaxer kicked in.

Sir will not be coming in. So many reasons, but when I’m sick, I need to be alone. I would be heart broken not to cuddle with him and the slightest touch would hurt.

The other reason my heart breaks? I’ve texted my kinky group, each one offering support, asking if they can help. I made them all promise that they would come to my house before the saturday party for a drink. I did this so that they would all go and I could see how excited they were. I texted my vanilla fridnds and coworkers. The coworkers got right back to me, offering the same…but C…, nothing yet. I say well maybe she’s working. 

Fuck even my mom was human about this. I feel like in my last discussion with her I caused her to put up a wall by really telling her the truth, or im just overthinking did to medication and pain?

4 thoughts on “My heart is broken”

  1. Oh goodness. I think you could use a cuddle if it didn’t hurt so. Instead, how about a ton of good thoughts and lots of hopeful and happy sprinkles? Hope you feel better soon.

    Liked by 1 person

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