Long wet hot weekend

sorry for missing the blog yesterday, Sir. 

I really didn’t think it was possible to fit so much into one weekend.

I started the weekend with a plan, but plans change. I did get to split it between vanilla and kinky.

I’m rethinking that whole vanilla girl thing I came up with last week. God, I really have no clue what I need. Plus I have no idea what I’m looking to accomplish with these relationships. I mean is there an end game?

In the vanilla world you are set on a course, marry, procreate, all that crap. What am I really to gain from any relationship at this time? I mean I get the companionship and all of that, but if im stuck in this island unto myself mindframe, how is that going to develope? 

I hate being lonely, but I need to be alone. I have good friends that I keep just far enough away from me to stay safe. 

I found this weekend talking with FGD, I really have no clue where im heading. I need a plan, more than moving to the village. 

I did decide to start integrating my kinky and vanilla friends. I’m so tired of the back and forth of the groups. I also had a long talk with C and she’s much less…..afraid of me.

Yes, that’s really what is was. My best friend of over 20 years feared me. I feel like my life is just empty, like im empty. 

Fuck I need to go to yoga tonight. 

Saturday was fun, a last minute invite to the couples house for a small part of my group. I left with a very happy face and for a day I was carefree. I wish I could bottle that feeling, it fades too fast.

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